


Two Souls

by BoreasAnemos



Series: Two Souls and Companions [1]
Category: Neon Genesis Evangelion
Genre: Alternative Perspective, Eventual Romance, F/F, Giant Robots, Self-Discovery
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-03-12
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-03-30 02:23:00
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 44,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13940574
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BoreasAnemos/pseuds/BoreasAnemos
Summary: Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu finds herself in a strange place. Soon, she is in a strange, but welcome company of Yui Ikari. The strangeness does not end there.This story contains giant robots and afternoon tea. It may also contain: identity crises and their resolution, personal and interpersonal drama, romance, and some psychological issues.





	1. Tea Time

On a warm, summer afternoon, a woman is walking the corridors of a house. The sun shines through large windows; the sunrays dance on the dust that rises as she passes. This is a mansion, an opulent house, a relic of the past – or a result of someone’s grandeur and fascination with the old. It is filled with a lot of art: paintings, sculptures, old furniture… and yet it is eerily empty.

Corridors are endless. The woman is roaming them, looking for something, something very important, something critical, but she does not know what it is. _‘It must be here. There is no other place it can be.’_ She has no idea how she came here. She does not know where she is. She does not know–

_‘Who am I?’_

She walks the corridors, looks through the windows, enters the rooms. A living room, with large fireplace, but there is no fire in it. A study, filled with shelves and shelves of books; she stifles the urge to browse them; the answer is not in the books, that she knows. A large bedroom, with huge double bed, empty and neatly made. Smaller bedroom, with colourful furnishing and small bed, most likely a child’s room. A nursery, with a baby bed and some toys. A dressing-room.

She feels drawn inside this one. There are several closets, a clothing rack or two, a mannequin, and a large standing mirror in heavy frames.

The woman in the mirror is dressed in proper XIX century dress, her face bright; she is younger than she remembers herself from the day she–

The day she–

Died?

Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu beholds her reflection with a mix of confusion and fear.

‘ _This is who I am. But this is **wrong**. This is like lifted from a damned Jane Austen novel, this is not Berlin, this is not my home, this is not the laboratory, this is not… Where am I?’_

***

The mansion is enormous. Kyoko enters another floor; finds a kitchen, dining room, some kind of workshop for stuffing animals. All rooms are full of things, all rooms are devoid of people. _‘Am I a prisoner? Is this some nightmare?’_ , a seed of panic starts to bloom. Her steps hasten, leading her to a corridor, seeking an exit. She heads outside, swinging the garden door with force.

“Oh.”

An Asian woman sits in the garden behind a table set for an afternoon tea. She wears a dress from the same time as Kyoko’s and a simple, if appropriate to the time period, straw hat.

“Hello, Soryu”, the woman says. “Please, join me”, she gestures at a wicker garden chair across the table. Kyoko stares at her, unmoving. Woman’s slender hands reach for a porcelain teapot. “Please, sit down. I will explain. Tea?”

“Hello”, Kyoko manages to say. The woman does look _familiar_ … her name is on the tip of Kyoko’s tongue, her importance on the verge of Kyoko’s understanding… but still eluding her. She sits down on the edge of the seat. Somehow, she is able to handle this unwieldy dress without tripping. In different circumstances, she would wonder about that little detail; now, she is too busy figuring out what the Hell is going on.

The woman pours the tea into an elaborate teacup and hands it to Kyoko with steady hands; Kyoko notices her own hands shaking. She sets the teacup it on the table with a sudden move and is glad when it does not break. “What– what is happening? What is– what is this?”

The woman looks at her with surprise, her dark eyes expressing worry. “This… may be more problematic than I thought. Let’s start from the beginning, then. Do you know who you are?”

“I… I am Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu”, Kyoko replies hesitantly. _‘Tip of my tongue…’_

“Good. What is the last thing you remember?”, the woman inquires while slicing the cake.

“The corridors… and not much before.”

The woman sighs. “Not good. Something must’ve gone wrong. The beginning is further than I thought; good that we have time”, she smiles. “Next question: do you know who I am?”

Kyoko shakes her head. Her mind is racing. The woman sighs again: “I was hoping to avoid that; it ruins the immersion, but it seems your memory needs something familiar to latch on.”

She stands up, Kyoko’s eyes track her movements: she is small, graceful, and confident in her movements… and annoyingly familiar. “Look at me, and remember”, the woman says softly. In an eyeblink, her appearance shifts: Kyoko now stares at a short-haired woman in modern clothing and a lab coat. She smiles a familiar smile: “How is it now?”

Kyoko’s mind is suddenly flooded: images, voices, scenes. _This was a woman she heard of and finally met, a brilliant scientist whose work she admired and continued, the person that sacrificed–_

“Ikari. Yui Ikari.”

The woman smiles.

***

Kyoko sits on the edge of her seat, her head spinning. She tries to collect her thoughts, but for now, she focuses on her tea; the peach pie tastes great, so does the infusion. Yui sits across the table, back in her period dress; she changed back as quickly as she assumed modern attire the moment before. She is still smiling; Kyoko takes a deep breath.

“All right. I know who I am, I realised that when I saw my face. Now you stirred my memory on who you are”, she trails off. “Are we dead? Is this Heaven? Hell? Purgatory?”

“It is… complicated. I feel pretty alive, thank you, but it is no surprise you thought me dead; after all, all the methods of measuring soul presence had no baseline”, Kyoko nods, not really following. “And no, this is neither: this is no afterlife at all. I didn’t exactly _name_ this place, there was no need for it; I just call it _my garden_. I created it when I was… well, bored”, Yui explains, a bit sheepishly. Kyoko raises one eyebrow. “It is lonely and empty inside the Evangelion.”

Kyoko freezes for a moment, teacup in hand starting to shake. _‘I died. I am… Eva?’_

_The Memory of horrible pain and feeling of burned skin floods her mind. Images follow, chaotically: preparations for Contact Experiment; more pain, pain that felt like something was clawing on her soul, leaving scorched marks; the moment when she saw **herself** inside the Core, as if she was looking from the outside; then silence. Long silence, interrupted by hazy dreams of her… daughter? inside the Evangelion._

She shakes her head repeatedly. “I am Evangelion. I am inside”, she manages to say.

“Yes”, Yui replies; Kyoko feels a warm hand touching her own. Kyoko reflexively pulls back.

Silence surrounds them for a time, interrupted only by a bird screeching in the bushes. Kyoko’s breath slows down, and she raises her eyes back to meet Yui’s.

“I’m… sorry. This is… I knew it could end like this, but…”, she shakes her head again and takes a sip of tea. “I… I don’t have memories after the… accident. Experiment. No clear ones… what… how?”

Yui sighs. “It is not exactly easy to explain. My transformation must have caused changes in protocol. Unit-01 is… specific. Unfettered. Less fettered. Contrary to you, I am aware almost all the time, and it the beginning, it was maddening. But then I realised I control the soul of this… thing, or at least some components of it. So, I started to shape it. Carved out a corner for myself. I had years to do this”, Yui elaborates, smiling.

“You made yourself a garden. Inside a most powerful war machine known to humanity. Like a poet forced to become a warrior”, Kyoko realises, with a hint of awe.

“I am not a poet, Soryu”, Yui objects. “I am a scientist. I wanted a place. Somewhere to go. So, I made it with my own mind.”

“All right”, Kyoko shakes her head and pinches the bridge of her nose. “I am tempted to interrogate you on _how did you manage to create all this_ and _how I can replicate it in my own machine_ , but there is a more pressing matter, besides me going mad from all this revelation. Tell me: **why does this look like a film set for _Pride and Prejudice_ adaptation?** ”

“I like the dresses” is the only reply; Yui hides her face behind a suddenly enormous teacup. Kyoko rolls her eyes at the blatancy of the guise. _‘Well, what can I say, they **do** look nice. Of course, it requires ignoring many, many unpleasant aspects of the era to enjoy; well, maybe this is why this place is so empty?’_ , she muses. She takes another piece of cake; _‘for an illusion, they really taste great.’_

There is a moment of silence with only cutlery clattering.

“Ikari…”, she speaks up after eating another slice; _‘This is actually neat, I guess I can eat all I want here and not even worry once about my health’_ , she spares a thought before returning to a more serious tone of thinking. “Why did you bring me here? You could create any company you wished here, I suppose, why bring me here? And how?”

Yui puts down her suddenly normal teacup, her face serious. “This is the grimmer part. ‘How’ is relatively simple – Evangelions have numerous systems, and while most of them are disabled when they’re locked down, some are not considered dangerous enough to warrant separate locks – and they use very little power. I subverted the comm system; please, don’t ask me _how_ I did that _exactly_ , most people don’t know how their bones realign when they turn their palm or how to move their vocal chords in order to speak; they just do it and it works. I used my instinct and Eva’s feedback. I flexed the mind’s muscles, so to say, and just did it.”

“There was one soul in another unit, but it was… hostile, messy, wrong, almost alien. I suppose I confused it further, made it angry. Or maybe I misread its expressions. I just don’t know. I stopped reaching when she screamed at me”, Yui picks up her teacup again. “I didn’t try again, lest I cause damage or singe myself. Then there were some battles and healing that took my attention, and then I sensed some other presence. I reached out… and found you.”

Kyoko nods, her head still spinning. “And you somehow transferred me here? Is the other Eva empty? Why couldn’t I do it?”

“One thing at a time, dear”, Yui smiles and briefly touches Kyoko’s hand; this time, Kyoko does not pull her hand back. “No, I did not _transfer_ you here… I think I did not. You’re not _exactly_ here, I believe. Please, keep in mind it’s the first time I do this, so there is a lot of _ifs_ and _maybes_ ”, she pauses and pours tea into Kyoko’s nearly empty cup. “As far as I know, you’re still in Core of your Evangelion. I… pulled your presence, established a link… again, don’t ask me what exactly I did. There were some problems: locating you was difficult, you were… slippery, for the lack of better word. I kept hearing your voice, but sometimes it was… mangled, for lack of better word again. It took me a few days. Not that I had much to do between battles and healing”, she smiles wistfully. “But I managed, and then busied myself with setting up the table until you found me”, she finishes happily.

Kyoko takes her time digesting the explanation. “All right”, she speaks up. “This kind of explains the _how_. Somewhat. It is fascinating, to be frank, and I would love to understand the process. But _why_? Aside from the company, of course, but I don’t think of myself as a very good company. Unless you want to discuss science, of course.”

Yui’s face turns serious, and she takes Kyoko hand in both of hers. “We have a role to play, Soryu. We have a world to save… or to transform. And I need your help to do that.”

Kyoko looks into Yui’s eyes and sees a steely determination. _Suddenly,_ _this summer day feels very chilly…_

***

Kyoko was laying on the bed in the guest bedroom of the mansion. Yui has insisted that she remains for a while to think – or at least remain conscious – before she sends her back to what, according to their compared notes, amounted to suspended animation.

 _‘Animation… well, after all, I am just a soul now. Animation is just the term…’_ , she thought, smiling bitterly. She has still not decided whether her condition meant she was dead, alive, or somewhere in between. _‘I wonder how safe it is for my sanity to think about this so much. Supposedly not very safe’_ , she sighed.

They spent the afternoon walking around the meticulously kept garden and talking about the situation. Kyoko has been continuously impressed by the amount of work it must have taken to sculpt it all. When asked, Yui just shrugged and wistfully repeated: “I had time”, not elaborating any further. Kyoko decided not to press the issue; in contrast to all Yui was telling her, this issue seemed inconsequential.

And she just told Kyoko a remarkable story.

Of course, Kyoko was aware of some of it. She was educated – and one of the pioneers – in the field of metaphysical biology, and she was well-versed in secrets of the Evangelions. But even scientists working in GEHIRN and making ground-breaking advances in the field were not privy to all secrets. Yui clearly knew more – even if she was somehow evasive on sources of her knowledge. Kyoko listened, and slowly integrated the knowledge with what she learned in between Yui’s Contact Experiment and her own demise.

_‘My demise. My death. Or not-death’_ , her thoughts returned to her main point of confusion. She shook it off, returning her train of thoughts to the afternoon walk.

***

“This is where my knowledge ends. We conducted the Contact Experiment, and you know how it ended”, Yui smiled sadly. Kyoko nodded. She had a hard time finding a reply to all the information Yui dumped on her; an uncomfortable silence enveloped them when they stopped to admire a field of blooming flowers.

“Thank you”, Kyoko finally spoke up. Yui turned her head away from the flower she was looking at, surprise on her face.

“For what?”, she asked, rising.

“Your… trust? Your… rescue?”

Yui smiled sadly: “I might have very well just doomed you, dear. While we might be safe from SEELE here, I took away the peace of oblivion you could simply enjoy until the very end.”

Kyoko clenched her teeth and shut her eyes tight; her breathing quickened. _‘Is that… anger? Fear? Do I even have those responses without a body?’_ , her mind raced. _‘Oblivion. I was lost in oblivion. I was unaware. She pulled me out. She…’_

“Dead. I was dead. Is this what you mean, correct?”, Kyoko replied with a shaky voice. Yui nodded reluctantly. “Then you gave me my life back, Ikari. Even if this means we are doomed anyway… thank you.” Kyoko did not open her eyes; she felt tears burning behind the eyelids. A sob escaped her lips; she tried to force it down: _‘Now? Right now? In front of Ikari? Great show I am putting on when she is counting on me to help her…’_

She startled when warm, small hands enveloped her own right hand; she wanted to pull her hand away… she chose not to. Her teeth remained clenched, her face tight.

“Soryu. What I did is not a blessing. I am burdening you with great responsibility, without any promise of great power to go with it. And if you go with my plan, I want you to go with both your eyes wide open.” Yui’s voice was soft but firm.

Her lips still tight, Kyoko opened her eyes, ignoring those few tears that have flown down her cheeks; her vision was blurred, but it did not matter. “I will. Ikari… it’s my kid that is in it too, isn’t she?”

Yui nodded. “Yes, there is. And it will be up to you to protect her.”

Kyoko smiled through the tears. “I will. And…”, she shook her head. “Thank you”, she wiped her tears with her free hand.

Yui smiled softly, her hands withdrawing. She blinked in silent surprise when Kyoko’s hand gripped hers for a bit longer; she did not comment on that. Silence reigned once more, but this time, it felt far more comfortable than before.

After a long pause, Kyoko spoke up once more: “Ikari… you mentioned a plan? I am not sure what we can do, being so trapped, our… machines… restrained?”

“In fact, I do, at least a beginning of one. It might not be perfect, or even complete, but there is one. I will explain it, once it is complete enough to discuss. One of the first steps was actually ‘find allies’… and I believe this one has started well”, Yui winked.

Kyoko felt a small blush creep up her face. She shook it off; there was no real reason for it to appear, after all.

“Ikari… Should we not perhaps leave planning, and possibly fighting, to soldiers, to this… NERV? Should we not focus on understanding how we can protect our children better?”, she probed. _‘I hope this doesn’t sound too pessimistic…’_

Yui resumed her walk, gesturing Kyoko to follow. “Well, we could”, Yui agreed. “But there are two strong arguments against that. First, my son and your daughter, and possibly other children their age are currently forced to fight life-and-death battles”, Kyoko shivered on that. _‘I should’ve thought on that, of course’_ , she chided herself. She still felt strangely… disconnected, her thoughts not clear.

“… and just protecting them when such battle occurs… I believe everyone able, let alone their mothers, should do far more”, Yui continued. “Don’t you agree?”, she shot Kyoko a look. Kyoko responded with a hasty nod.

“Second, current commander of NERV is my dear husband, Gendo. And trust me: while he might be intelligent and strong-willed, he is not able to handle this whole thing alone. If I left things in his hands, I would not even have Shinji”, Yui laughed softly.

Kyoko tilted her head. “What? Is he not…”

Yui seemed aghast for a moment, then shook her head with another laugh: “No, no, no, he is his son, of course. It’s just… Gendo was always so busy, so driven; I had to reason with him for a long time that we should have children at all. Actually, I had to reason with him to even make love to me more often than on celebratory occasions”, she smiled to herself sheepishly. A small blush crept up her face, her eyes turning dreamy.

Kyoko blush was, in contrast, far from small. _‘This is a really… intimate detail, especially for someone so Japanese as Ikari was. Is, as Ikari is. Are we friends enough?’_ , Kyoko mused in surprise. _‘On the other hand, I feel like I could tell her my secrets here and now… This is weird.’_ She shelved the thought for later. Many things were… different here.

Yui broke out of her reverie after a moment. “I’m sorry, I got… distracted”, she turned to Kyoko and stopped upon seeing her blush; suddenly, their colours matched, and Yui waved her hands. “Sorry! I’m sorry! I made you uncomfortable, I apologise”, she blurted out rapidly.

Kyoko shook her head dismissively. “No, no, stop, please stop, I was just… surprised. Don’t worry, it’s nothing”, she forced a smile and took a deeper breath. “You were saying you don’t trust your husband? Ex-husband? Errr… widower?”

Yui rolled her eyes subtly. “Pondering fine details of mine and his legal status is well out of the scope of current discussion and would require knowledge of Japanese law I do not have. As far as I understand from what you told me, I am legally dead, thus he is a widower. This takes care of this ‘until death do us part’ thing, I suppose. Not that it matters now, really, so let’s settle with ‘husband’ for now; it’s shorter, even if ‘ex-husband’ is more appropriate. And to answer your question, this is correct: I do not believe he is capable of handling the situation himself. He was never good with people”, she sighed.

Kyoko raised her eyebrow. “Not good with people? He was rather… impressive, imposing, certainly seemed… capable.”

Yui shook her head. “It’s a mask. Actually… both Shinji and Gendo are the same: boys lost among the crowd, afraid of commitment, afraid of being hurt. It’s just my son handles this by trying to please people whenever he can and running away when things get difficult… he inherited my soft hand, I think; I just hope determination came with it. On the other hand, Gendo was always the one to throw a punch, to act brash, to put on the ‘tough guy’ façade…”, she trailed off, setting sun between the trees catching her eye. She sighed.

“No”, she resumed, shaking her head. “Gendo will not succeed, not alone, and he is alone. As Professor Fuyutsuki put it: ‘he would be a good mid-level yakuza, not a scientist or leader’; as much as I love the man, the professor was right. He would, if I remained at his side, yes. But…”, Yui hesitated. Kyoko waited patiently. Fact that Yui said ‘love’, not ‘loved’ did not elude her.

“But I couldn’t”, Yui sighed. Kyoko heard a lot in this one sigh: the feeling of loss, a lot of pain, lost opportunities, a measure of regret. Feelings she quite well understood… no, more than understood – feelings she shared. Maybe not in regard to her husband – they did grow distant over time, their daughter being the main reason they remained together – but certainly towards Asuka. She would love to see her grow up… most likely just as Ikari would love to see her son grow up.

They leaned on opposite rails of a small bridge over a shimmering stream. Silence descended once more.

“I… I will have to think about it all”, Kyoko broke the silence. “I mean… I’m with you, I’ll do what I can to protect my Asuka, protect your Shinji, to resolve this… conspiracy”, she added hastily. “But this is **a lot** to think about.”

Yui nodded. “Of course. Stay the night… evening… I’m not sure if I even sleep here. I believe that when I send you back, you will be unconscious once more until I pull you back. So… stay, if you wish to think. I’ll make a guest room for you”, she smiled warmly.

Kyoko responded with a nod and a cautious smile. “Thank you. That’ll help.”

***

Kyoko was staring at the unfamiliar ceiling. It was in the same style as everything else in this place, and she was slowly getting used to this particular weirdness. This was actually one of those things her host did not provide an explanation for; questions were evaded or dismissed with ‘I like the style’ – this was, of course, a valid answer, but Kyoko had a feeling there is more to it. Again, she knew that pressing for answers would be rude, not to mention petty in the face of far more important questions.

Sleep did not come, but the morning did – far sooner than she would expect. And with it, clattering of porcelain and cutlery. Apparently, breakfasts were also part of the plan.

She rose and stretched, only to notice a change in her attire. She was now wearing a much simpler dress, something she would describe as ‘homely grey’. _‘I don’t remember changing… it will take some time to get used to’_ , she sighed.

A knock on the door broke her reverie. “Please enter”, she collected herself; the door opened, and a familiar face framed by short brown hair peeked in. Yui wore a warm, playful smile.

“Can I interest you with a breakfast, my esteemed guest?”

Kyoko scratched her head. “I’m not even sure…”, she started, only to be interrupted by her stomach grumbling. She blinked in surprise.

“Ikari. Are **you** doing this?”, she asked indignantly, a hint of panic seeping in. “If so, please stop. This is weird.”

Yui’s lips tightened into a thin line as she stepped in the doorframe. “I’m… not sure”, she stated seriously. “Definitely not consciously, no. But please, remember that you are the first and only person that came here since I created this place. So… if I do, this is not intentional, and I do apologise”, she paused. “Rest assured, I am not trying to manipulate you… nor am I toying with you. That would be wrong… rude even, not to mention childish and irresponsible.”

Kyoko nodded. _‘Truth or not, there’s not much I can do about it now… maybe except learning how to do it myself. And there’s no need to be rude on my part’_ , she calmed herself. “No need to apologise, I believe you”, she replied with reassurance in her voice. “From what we know about how all this works, **I** could be doing this to myself: I think ‘this is morning, so I _should_ be hungry’, and I am hungry”, she shrugged and headed towards the door. “Let’s go, I wonder what a breakfast here is like”, she smiled at the younger woman.

***

“Do you mind telling me what this is, exactly?”, Kyoko inquired at the strange, rectangular pieces of… cake? that were on the platter in front of her.

“It is called ‘pound cake’, and it is quite tasty – and filling”, Yui answered and handled her guest a cup she just filled with fragrant tea. “I believe there is a German equivalent, but I don’t know how it is called. But it would be better to start with toast, first”, she added.

“Toast? I don’t see- ah”, Kyoko realised the newest addition to the table – perfect, golden toasts on her plate and jam next to it. “I am not going to get used to it anytime soon, I’m afraid”, she said, slight exasperation in her voice.

Yui’s face suddenly showed mild dejection. “I’m sorry; there is no other way. Believe me”, she shuddered subtly, her voice subdued. Kyoko rose her eyebrows. Yui just shook her head in response. “You’ll get used to it, I hope”, she smiled a clearly forced smile. “Have you thought about what I said yesterday?”, her voice rose. “Do you have any questions?”

Kyoko just made a mental note to inquire later. “Yes, I did, and no, I don’t. Nothing coherent, at least”, she admitted. “This… all… is big, and I suppose I’ll just wait until you decide to tell me your plan.”

Yui nodded. “Of course; we can discuss the plan together. Once you process what I told you, of course.”

Kyoko nodded and took a bite of the toast. They ate in silence, sipping on the tea from time to time. _‘I could live like this…’_ , Kyoko though, surprised by her own train of thought. _‘It might not be real, but it’s… nice. Peaceful. I guess I missed that in the past’_ , she mused. _‘Peaceful, big conspiracy we need to defeat aside’_ , her mind helpfully added the drawbacks. _‘Conspiracy or not, I am eating a breakfast with someone I can consider… friend, and I **am** at peace. I guess I will enjoy it while it lasts’_ , she smiled internally.

“Do you like it?” were words that reached her. She returned to… reality – for lack of better word – and focused her eyes on Yui, a question in her eyes. “You’re smiling”, she explained. _‘Oh. Well, I **am** happy, I guess…’_

“Just… thinking”, she answered cautiously. “And yes, it tastes good. Familiar, far better than most breakfasts I had at… well, work. Institute’s cafeteria”, Kyoko admitted. “Workaholism comes with drawbacks”, she sighed. Yui nodded with an understanding smile; once more, there was silence.

“Ikari, can I ask you–“, Kyoko started before noticing that her host is sitting still with the teacup in hand, and certainly not listening. “Ikari?”, she reached to touch her hand.

Yui shook her head forcefully, her eyes shot open.

“My Evangelion is powered up. Something is coming, battle or a test. I must send you back. I will call you later”, Yui blurted the sentences with speed of a machine gun, each heavy with both focus and worry. Kyoko just nodded.

“I will bring you here again, I promise. Remember: for now, just protect your daughter” With those last words, Yui closed her eyes, her expression becoming one of intense focus.

And then there was only darkness.


	2. Tanz mit mir

Ever-embracing darkness, never-pierced darkness surrounds her, suffuses her. Cold, heatless, dark waters embrace her, choke her, drown her, make her scream. She tries to scream indeed, but there is no voice, no air to hold the sound, no one to hear it.

Falling endlessly, falling timelessly, falling with no sensation.

_‘Is this how dying feels like?’_

The darkness answers and pulls her into oblivion.

***

She tries to fight it. She hears Ikari’s voice, rattling in her mind: “Remember”, “protect your daughter.” Over that, she hears whispers of another. Indistinct, confusing… hateful?

She flails her hands, but they do not exist.

She tries to catch a footing, but she fails to feel her feet.

She keeps falling.

 _‘Is it like falling in the dream?’_ She tries to think, but it is hard to focus. _‘You fall, and if you don’t wake up before hitting the ground, you die? Is this what is happ–‘_

A flurry of colours fills Kyoko’s vision; the falling sensation vanishes abruptly, but it does not feel like hitting something; it feels like being caught. For a moment, her mind is confused, the visions overlap: there is outside, blurry and colourful, and there is inside, hazy and orange.

_‘Outside. This is the earth, I am looking down on the ground… am I flying?’_

Double vision continues to confuse her; she shifts her perception unwittingly, to the inside of–

Entry Plug. This is an Entry Plug. And inside it–

_‘Asuka. My daughter.’_

***

Kyoko stifled the urge to call out. _‘No, she would startle, become distracted. And if this is not a test…’_

She noticed indistinct voices in the background: a woman is speaking. _‘This must be the comm system…_ ’ Kyoko focused on the voice but could not make the details out; just an impression of the face before it vanished – a young woman, maybe in her thirties, in some kind of uniform. _‘Their commander, perhaps? I must ask Ikari how to tap into that system; it might be useful someday’_ , Kyoko resolved.

“Roger”, Kyoko heard a girl’s voice, loud and clear. It would make her stomach clench, if she had one. “This sucks. It’s my Japanese debut. Why won’t she let me take it out myself?”, the girl continued. _‘Asuka! It’s her voice! She sounds so different, so… grown up… but it is **her**!”_

“… helped. … strategy.” Those words came words from outside, in a boy’s voice and accompanied by boy’s face; they were only marginally easier to hear than the woman’s. The boy wore similar attire as Asuka – some kind of suit with accompanying headgear that looked like a miniaturised version of nerve connectors she was working with. _‘A boy, possibly in another Evangelion? This has to be Ikari’s son… and this has to be Ikari’s Evangelion. This is where I was, this is where I spent last night…’_ She stopped this line of thinking before it made her head hurt, even if she was not certain whether her head could actually hurt in this body. She refocused on the banter and stifled a laughter when Asuka yelled at the boy, ordering him to stay out of her way, implying it was her show: _‘Well, there was always fire in the women of the family… she **is** my daughter, after all.’_

She felt a jolt, followed by sudden deceleration, and felt her – not her, Evangelion’s, but also her – body shift to compensate and land gracefully. This was suddenly accompanied by a strange sensation of… something being… connected? Suddenly the minor feeling of thirst she felt abated, fresh vigour suffusing her.

“Two against one isn’t a fair fight. I don’t like it. Not my style”, Kyoko heard Asuka grumble. Her daughter’s discomfort with the situation was palpable, along with barely restrained desire to **act** , for better or worse. _‘Her fire burns bright… and she keeps it under control poorly. Well, this is a reason to worry, to be honest. On the other hand, she is young…’_

The voice of their commander came back, hard to make out again. Boy’s voice, announcing “… comes!” was far clearer, but still barely registering. _‘I must ask Ikari how to connect to those– was zum…’_

A monstrous creature, grey-skinned, with a body shaped like an artistically written letter “Y” emerged from the ocean. Kyoko felt Asuka’s anticipation spike, her desire to fight rise, her restraint wavering. She clearly knew what this thing was; she wanted to fight it, to kill it, just to show that she **can**. _‘Is this the enemy we were preparing the Evangelions for? The… Angel? It must be, what else…. But this **thing** is just bizarre.’_

“Okay, I’ll go first! Back me up!”, Kyoko heard Asuka’s eager voice and felt her body moving. The boy tried to protest, but Asuka cut it with curt “Ladies first!”

Kyoko chuckle at her daughter’s behaviour was cut short with a wave of euphoria coming from Asuka. Once more, a sensation of the body running, then jumping and falling in perfect attack washed over Kyoko; it was **her** body moving, but it was not her will that moved it. She moved it but under someone’s else dictate. It felt increasingly strange, increasingly… wrong.

There was no time to ponder over it; emotions coming from Asuka were overwhelming; Kyoko did her best to push it down; _‘Keep it low, do not reveal yourself…’_

Asuka let out a battle cry, and Kyoko – no, Evangelion Unit-02 – struck a perfect blow, bisecting the enemy from head to toe. _‘If such terms applied to its anatomy’_ , Kyoko thought wryly.

“Well, Third Child?! A fight should be elegant and without waste!”, Kyoko heard Asuka once more; the girl was radiating triumph and pride, emotions Kyoko could feel almost as if they were her own, emotions that shifted without warning: triumph turned into surprise, pride vanished, sweet taste of victory turned sour. Kyoko, engulfed in Asuka’s emotions and trying to keep her own elation under control, failed to realise what is happening until–

 _‘Why does my body hurt and why am I flying backwards through the air?_ ’ she asked herself, suddenly returning to reality. _‘I struck, Asuka yelled something… and then confusion, surprise, betrayal, panic… oh, there were **two** targets? Angel has risen from the dead?’_ – all this crossed Kyoko’s mind at once. The flight ended before she could understand her situation. Landing **hurt**.

 **Pain.** Pain pain pain painpain **pain**!

She felt as someone hit her on the head, **hard**. Every bone of her body hurt, and it was dark; but it was just lack of light, with minuscule amount filtering in, not the relentless void she had faced moments before.

 _‘It always ends in pain, it always hurts. Until we die, and the pain ends forever’_ , she heard in her mind.

 _‘Who… Asuka? No, it’s not her voice. Am I… who are you?_ ’

Loud but still indistinct whispers, as confusing and hateful as before, were the only answer.

Despite lack of a body, she shivered. _‘What is happening…_ ’

She heard a groan.

_'Asuka!’_

She turned her attention inside the… _‘Entry Plug. It’s safe, but… Asuka?’_ Kyoko reached tentatively but felt only disorientation and lingering pain; Asuka seemed unhurt, but she was also unconscious. _‘I must not scare her…’_ , Kyoko stopped herself. She wanted to hug the girl, comfort her – but first, she did not know how to do it, exactly; second, she did not know how the girl would react, especially in her current dazed state. She limited herself to carefully reaching out and trying to touch her gently. Asuka’s breathing slowed down, her pain lessened. Kyoko smiled to herself.

_‘One step at a time, as with everything. If only it didn’t **hurt** so bad… Gott, she must feel that pain too!’_

Kyoko instinctively reached further, picturing Asuka in her arms. A pang of fear gripped her, fear of going too far, _‘Caution be damned, she’s unconscious, she won’t tell anyone, and she is **in** **pain**!’_ She felt her arms closing around her daughter; the image inside Entry Plug did not change, but…

 _“Mama?”_ , Asuka mumbled despite her lack of consciousness.

Evangelions were not built with the ability to cry. This did not stop Kyoko from trying.

***

Kyoko held her as long as she could, but once Asuka started to regain consciousness, she withdrew hastily. _‘I must not startle her. I must not make our awareness known, Ikari warned me, insisted we must remain a secret until we are ready to act. Time will come. Time will come’,_ she kept telling herself. This did not quiet the urge to _talk_ , to _reach_ , to _hold_ Asuka… _‘Time will come.’_

She watched the recovery operation and the return to base. Seeing the world from this perspective was becoming increasingly strange and harder to handle. She felt sensations that eluded description and would make her queasy or dizzy… if she had a digestive system or bony labyrinth. _‘This is disturbing. I must talk to Ikari, she mentioned she is able to handle them…’_

Kyoko tried to ignore the sensations; focusing on her daughter helped. _‘I felt her emotions, I felt her eagerness… felt her triumph and dismay. And I saw her! She’s alive, she’s fine, she’s grown so much, she’s happy!’_

She felt restrains being put on her body; she heard a technical, impassionate voice saying “Entry Plug ejected. Injecting Termination Plug” and felt her lower body go numb. Then “Termination plug injected. Evangelion powering down.”

And then there was only darkness.

***

 “Welcome back”, a soft voice greeted her. Kyoko realised she was laying on the grass, warm sun shining on her face. She tried to blink the confusion away.

“This seems to be unavoidable, regrettably… I hope you’ll get used to the transition sooner than later”, the female voice continued. A silhouette stepped in front of Kyoko, blocking the sunrays and extending her hand. “I hope it didn’t hurt too much?”

Kyoko took the offered hand and rose to her feet. One look around told her where she was – it was the same garden again, and despite feeling lightheaded, she realised what was going on. She turned to face her host. Yui Ikari looked the same, just a little bit more… tired? In pain?

“Ikari. Hello. Thank you. No, coming here did not hurt, it’s just confusing. But the battle…”, Kyoko breathed deeply. “It hurt a lot. And it was far more confusing. I felt… still feel queasy. If it’s even possible with that set of organs.”

Yui nodded; her face was sad. “Come. I made a serious mistake, and I am going to amend it as soon as possible.”

Kyoko followed her through the garden, unsure what her host meant. The sun shimmered between trees; the wind was rustling the leaves and providing relief from afternoon’s warmth. Yui stopped when they reached the grass between the garden and the house; she turned to face Kyoko. “Soryu. I am sorry”, she bowed deeply. “I apologise for wasting your time and adding to your pain.”

Kyoko shook her head, trying to process what she just heard; Yui opened her mouth again, stopping at Kyoko’s raised hand. “Stop, stop, stop, stop”, she protested. “What- what do you mean?”

Yui took a deep breath. “First, I wasted your time with a fancy tea party for no real reason, and then I sent you back carelessly without making sure you’re unaware. I might not have caused your pain, but I certainly could have helped you avoid it”, Yui explained with dismay… _‘and shame?’_ on her face.

Kyoko shook her head. _‘Is she serious?’_

“Ikari. Stop this, please”, she interrupted Yui’s attempt at continuing her apology. She took her hand; Yui startled but did not withdraw. “I… enjoyed the tea. I liked the cake. Talking was fun too”, she smiled, before resuming a serious face. “And… and I was able to see my daughter again. What makes you think this is a bad thing?”

“Pain?”, Yui tried again, her head low, her eyes locked on her hand in Kyoko’s hands.

“No. Ikari… it’s worth any pain. I was able to hear her, I was able to hug her! Besides, I just fell on my head”, Kyoko smirked. “Evangelion fell on its head”, she sighed. “It’s not going to get easier to tell me from my… carrier? Host? Prison?”

“A bit of each, I guess”, Yui sighed in turn, raising her head slowly. “Still, I’m sorry. I will try to teach you what I know as soon as possible. As the enemy was clearly not defeated, I expect another combat very soon.”

Kyoko nodded. “I suppose so, but they shut me down – Evangelion, they shut the Evangelion down – before I heard anything useful.”

“Same for me. While I hear and see a lot in that state, it’s not that they discuss much near me”, Yui smiled, finally looking at Kyoko again. “Well, Gendo comes to monologue sometimes, but it just gives me insight into his thinking and erodes my confidence in him.” She gestured towards a blanket in the shade, next to a picnic basket that was not there a moment ago.

She poured tea over the improvised picnic table and handed the cup to Kyoko. Suddenly, she stopped; a head shake followed: “Wait, Soryu. You said you could hug your daughter?”

“Yes… maybe I shouldn’t have, but she was in pain, she was unconscious, can’t tell anyone, and…” Kyoko trailed off, unsure what to say.

“No, no, you did nothing wrong”, Yui shook her head. “If she was unconscious, it’s fine. This is your girl, after all; of course, you wanted to comfort her. It’s just… unexpected. I simply didn’t expect you to be able to, so soon after your… awakening”, Yui elaborated. “This is… promising.”

“Promising?”, Kyoko looked at her companion, blinking in surprise. “Yes, being able to reach to Asuka is good, but…”

“I told you I have a plan. Part of that plan is to make everyone involved – and that means you, because I don’t think that… being… I found before you would be a good ally – more aware and able to take over without berserking”, Yui explained while finishing the picnic setup.

“Berserking?”

“Ah. You didn’t experience it consciously, or at all. Let me explain.”

Kyoko took a sip. _‘I guess I have a lot to learn. I wonder how Asuka and this… boy… Shinji was his name? are doing. He seemed nice.’_

“Soryu? Are you with me?”

Kyoko returned to reality, or what passed for reality here, to see Yui leaning towards her with curiosity. “Earth to Base Zeppelin, are you there?”, Yui prodded with a smirk.

“Sorry, Ikari, sorry – just thought about Asuka. And your boy. They seem… not to get along too well. She’s… pushy. I wish I had been there to teach her better.”

Yui laughed. “They’re teenagers. Everyone’s awkward at that time. They’ll come to terms, don’t worry. Maybe even become close, I don’t know. Shinji is so much like his father… he would bloom with a strong woman at his side”, Yui’s laughter turned into another warm smile.

 _‘I like her smiles. Despite this weirdest possible situation we are in, she is still hopeful, still…. happy’_ , Kyoko realised.

“Not something to consider now. Where was I – ah, yes. Berserking”, Yui resumed her academic demeanour. “Under specific circumstances – it usually involves pilot being incapacitated and our bodies suffering at least moderate damage – it is possible to pierce the veil entirely and assume full control. Well, not full”, she corrected herself. “Instincts are rather strong, but we are able to direct them, and to act entirely independently of pilot input – which is usually absent at the time. What is more important, in this condition, we are able to act drawing on the flesh itself, without regard for external energy source”, Yui kept elaborating. Kyoko was listening intently. “It cannot continue forever, and we will get… well, tired, for lack of better word, but it makes transcending the battery limitations possible. Not to mention, makes our bodies stronger than under constraint of being piloted. It is, in essence, acting in rage, unleashing the beast.”

“The beast?” Kyoko asked in a confused voice. “What do you mean?”

“Well… You know what we made Evangelions from, and you spent more time on that project than I did”, Yui replied. Kyoko nodded. “What tests did you perform after my Contact Experiment?”

“A whole lot of measurements and limited experiments with Cores. We couldn’t activate Evangelions, of course, not without pilots. I guess they did, later, but not before my Contact Experiment.”

Yui nodded. “It’s only when you experience your Evangelion berserking, you realise, on the emotional level, that it is truly alive. Have you ever been angry, so angry you wanted to hit someone or smash something just to release that anger?”

Kyoko blinked. The intensity in Yui’s voice was a bit disturbing. “I… guess? As a child, likely, no, as a teen, even more… but I don’t remember”, she admitted.

Yui nodded again. “Well, you can certainly imagine being angry, even if you don’t recall any particular event. Now, take that feeling and turn it up by order of magnitude or two. You cannot stop it, you can only direct it. It is a bestial urge to destroy any threat, to protect what you care for at all cost. It stops only when the target is dead and ones you love are safe.”

“It happened to you”, Kyoko stated, in a barely audible whisper.

Yui nodded, her lips forming a thin line.

“In the first proper battle against an Angel”, she resumed after a long pause. “When Shinji was trying to pilot my Evangelion, after seeing it first time in his life. We got beaten badly; he lost consciousness, and we were in pain. I felt my anger rising… and the veil parted. I didn’t think much, I just lashed out. And killed that _thing_ ”, Yui spat that last word out. Kyoko blinked; seeing Yui’s face contorted by pure hatred was something entirely new to her eyes. The visage disappeared half a second later, but it was enough to make Kyoko feel uneasy.

Yui sighed, her face calm as if the scary visage never appeared. “I am not fond of returning to that state, I’d rather be able to achieve control with more awareness. You would benefit from such control as well – I have some ideas how to start, and we should test them – independently – as soon as possible. What do you think?” she looked Kyoko in the eye.

Kyoko nodded eagerly. “Absolutely. Berserking sounds… horrifying”, she agreed, shaking her worries off. ‘I’ll think of it… later’, she decided.

Yui clenched her teeth for a second. “It is. Now, this is what I had in mind…”

***

Kyoko was once more laying on the bed in the guest room. _‘Aaaaand another thing to process. A few days ago, I was technically dead for more than ten years, and now I am in the middle of… something… something I can’t ever properly digest.’_ She sighed. _‘And Ikari has a plan, maybe even a Plan, and from what she already told me, it’s a big one… and maybe has a chance.’_

She stared at the ceiling, a ceiling that was quickly becoming a familiar one.

 _‘Well, even if we go down following this plan, at least we go down protecting those we love and fighting people who want to pervert our work. What more can a mother and a scientist wish for?’_ , she smiled to herself.

 _‘Simple exercises to begin with, and an attempt to maintain consciousness even if I – if my machine – remains inactive’_ , she recalled Yui’s suggestions. When she described the sensations, the younger woman was not sure how to counter them – she never felt like this in her Evangelion, it was somewhat more… cooperating, strange as it may sound.

 _‘Well, I’m a researcher, a scientist. Analyse the situation, find out facts, connect them, draw conclusions. Perform experiments if necessary. Formulate a hypothesis, test it, adjust… I did it before, I can do it again’_ , she resolved. _‘It’s just I was never a part of the sample…’_

Outside, it was already night. The cicadas were singing, and there was a distant ribbiting coming from the pond. _‘Ikari certainly took care of the details… but I still wonder why there are no people here? I’m sure such places had staff, servants… maybe she’s uncomfortable with the thought of someone serving her? Or maybe she feels it’s not needed if she can create things out of thin air?’_

Kyoko shook her head: _‘I’ll ask her later. First, I should learn the important things… and maybe, maybe ask her how to create my own house – then, I could have her for tea and a proper breakfast’_ , she smiled to herself. _‘I guess my version would be a proper castle, with a moat, a garden, and a great view from the walls… noblesse oblige, after all.’_

She sighed. Things were once more becoming complicated, but–

_‘I saw her. I comforted her. She is fine.’_

This thought made her smile again.

***

Once more, the sleep did not come, but the morning did – once more, far sooner than expected. And once more, Yui came to invite her for breakfast – this time a simple, yet tasty affair, followed by a deliberation on how best to begin Evangelion control training.

“Simple things, like moving an arm a bit; they will most likely be written off as mechanical or electrical glitches”, Yui suggested.

“Have you tried it?”, Kyoko asked, taking a sip of tea. She managed to convince Yui not to remove the small things that made their meetings pleasant. _‘After all’_ , she reasoned, _‘as long as we remained focused on what was important, having tea and cake go with it could not do any harm.’_

“Subtly, yes”, Yui nodded. “I did assist Shinji when he faced the first one – before I… well, lost control”, she winced. Kyoko wanted to apologise but bit her tongue. “Not much except that. There was no occasion, plain and simple. I will – once they reactivate us.”

“Why not while we are in cages? You retain control, don’t you? You mentioned you shielded Shinji before he even synchronised with you”, Kyoko recalled. “It would be less a threat to them, to test our abilities out of combat.”

Yui smiled. “You have good memory, dear. Yes, I did it, but only because it was necessary. Luckily, no one connected the dots, perhaps they wrote it off as a glitch or an instance of pre-entry synchronisation with a familiar pilot. Don’t try to do anything like that, and nor will I, lest they start thinking”, Yui’s voice became serious. “They would investigate, and likely put further restraints on us. We can act carefully during activation tests; but we must experiment during combat, if discreetly. Just… let’s not make their fights harder. It’s bad enough that they have to feel everything.”

Kyoko nodded with some dismay visible on her face. “You’re right, I’m afraid. But that’s another thing I wanted to ask about. Can we… shield them from that? Maybe reduce the pain?”

Yui shook her head. “No. They are literally attuned to us, even if they don’t know that. That is the design of Evangelions: we control the flesh, they relay commands to us, feedback flows back. What we can do is strengthen the AT Fields, shielding ourselves – and them – from damage. Nothing else, unless you want to reject them as pilots by cutting them off”, she explained with seriousness creeping into her voice. “And this is not an option, I believe.”

Kyoko nodded once more. “So, we protect them by protecting ourselves. This… well, this makes sense. I am still not convinced about ‘field tests’, though. It feels like putting our kids in danger.”

Yui tightened her lips. “Soryu. If there was another way, I would take it. I had years to figure things out. You do bring a fresh perspective, certainly, but trust me – we must be careful, even paranoid, if we don’t want to end up locked down tight and unable to do a thing for your Asuka and my Shinji. This means acting only when Evangelions are active.”

Kyoko took a deep breath. _‘I don’t like it…’_ Yui was looking straight into her eyes, clearly expecting an answer. “I know. I trust you on that, I really do. It’s just… it just feels wrong.” Yui smiled sadly in response.

“Believe me, Soryu. It’s not something I ask of you eagerly. I just… well, I just know what we’re dealing with.”

Silence reigned for a while. Kyoko broke it first.

“What now? What do you think will happen? They – we – lost the fight, but we’re still alive. This means the enemy… the Angel… is not pressing the attack?”

“I don’t know much. After they recovered us, there was some frantic activity, checking on our bodies, and then everything died down. I’m guessing the command – most likely Gendo, Professor, and this Operations Director, Katsuragi, are making plans. Yes, they had to neutralise the threat somehow. I don’t know how, yet.”

She refilled Kyoko’s teacup. “All I know is that we will be sent to fight again, soon. And it will not be easy. Your daughter is a skilled combatant, Soryu. Just keep yourself aware, and don’t let them know you know.” Yui’s voice became hard, determined, and her eyes suddenly pierced Kyoko. “The temptation to reach to her–” Kyoko felt embarrassment creep up her face in a hot wave “–is great, I know, just as I am tempted to talk to Shinji, to tell him all be fine. But if they ask as much as a question that may indicate they know… they’ll be in grave danger.” Yui finished, and Kyoko felt a heavy stare on herself.

“I- I understand that, Ikari”, she agreed. “Yes, it is tempting. But I will be more careful.”

Yui smiled warmly, a stern contrast to her stare mere seconds ago. “I know you will.”

For reasons unknown to her, Kyoko felt a chill running down her spine.

***

 “Let’s get over it once more, Soryu”, Yui gestured over the impromptu diagram laying in front of them on the study table; a table covered in papers and holding two already empty teacups and a cold teapot.

“Theory can only bring us so far, Ikari”, Kyoko sighed. “You told me the theory twice over, and I repeated it twice, too”, she smiled. “I suggest we make a break.”

Yui seemed unconvinced. “I’m not sending you out there unprepared, Soryu. Last time you got seriously hurt.”

Kyoko shook her head. “Stop beating yourself, I told you, last time was not _that_ bad. I would not call it ‘serious’. After all, you looked more beaten yourself”, she smirked.

“Hardly… I was fine”, Yui protested.

“And I had a very similar landing, so I’m fine too. I thought we were over that already, weren’t we, Ikari? Come on, let’s call it a day and take a walk in that great garden of your creation”, Kyoko smiled at her.

Yui shook her head. “We have a very limited number of activations, Soryu. We cannot allow ourselves to be _idle_!”, she raised her voice rather suddenly. “Their lives depend on it, and quite possibly, lives of many other.”

Kyoko closed her eyes and took a deep breath. “Ikari. I don’t think… No. I know you know what you’re doing. But you were never a teacher for a longer period of time, right?”

“Well”, Yui replied in a confused voice, “no, just held some classes as postgraduate student…”

“Right. Please remember then, and I’m speaking from experience, no matter what Japanese education system is telling you, endless repetition of the theory is not the best way to master a skill”, Kyoko carried on in a calm voice. “Next activation, if it is not throwing us into battle immediately, we will perform the experiments, remember the results… and adjust the plan”, she underscored the last point by shooting her eyes open.

Yui listened, her head tilted. “Hm. I guess you’re right, I’ll defer to your experience”, she finally smiled, only a hint of doubt in her voice. “But I will not stop working–“

Kyoko shook her head: “No. Of course not. And I will cooperate, I will help you, we were over that too. Just… could we not skip the ‘play’ part of ‘work first, play later’?”, she requested with an equal smile.

Yui stared for a moment, her expression incomprehensible. “You know, Soryu… you’re a bit different than I remember you from back then.”

Kyoko raised an eyebrow. “It’s been a while between our… transitions, I might’ve changed. Besides… did we ever find time to have a tea party when we worked together? Or to just talk? Or, for that matter, discuss how to connect to a comm system of an Evangelion from inside the Core using a soul?”

Yui laughed. “No, we did not. You’re right, it must be it. Different conditions, different facets of personality emerge.” She paused. “All right, agreed. But let’s do one thing before we rest, all right?”, she requested, rising from the table.

“What is it?”

“Let’s make a short list of exercises we should perform on next activation – and compare them. Just to make sure we’re on the same page.”

Kyoko nodded. “Reasonable. And then?”

“Then I’ll show you the garden maze”, Yui smiled.

***

Exploration of the hedge maze was suddenly cut short; Yui felt her Evangelion power up – this time, it was not the alert mode, but still an activation.

“All right, Soryu”, Yui spoke up. “I’m sending you back, and just to make sure – you’re in with the full awareness?”

“Yes”, Kyoko nodded. “Ready when you are, Ikari.”

***

Cold waters surrounded her once more, but this time the whole experience was far less confusing – and certainly less horrifying.

It was not any less unpleasant, though.

_‘At least I don’t feel like I’m dying anymore…’_

The hateful, dark whispers were there, but this time, it was easy to push them aside. This was her place now.

***

Activation was methodical, far less urgent; she saw Asuka inside the Plug, focused, determined… but also smiling. _‘Is she really going for a life-and-death fight now? She doesn’t seem to be afraid…’_

A wave of emotions washed over her the moment final connections were made; primary sensations were _joy_ and _confidence_. Kyoko felt sudden confusion at that; those were not emotions she associated with combat. A moment later, she felt Asuka’s emotions change; now, a taste of surprise was there, too. Along with very familiar sense of confusion.

_‘Did I just… hell, no!’_

“I’m fine, Misato, it’s just a glitch, my Eva feels sleek as ever. Ready for launch!”, Asuka replied to some inquiry from comm channel.

Kyoko tried to calm herself, with limited success. _‘Keep it low, Soryu, don’t make your daughter’s life harder…’_

Colours flickered, and double vision came in. It was still confusing, but certainly less than the first time it happened. An underground bunker appeared before her eyes; Evangelion Unit-01 was to her left. There was that indistinct chatter of a woman in the comm system; Asuka replied with a curt “Roger!” and turned to the other pilot: “Full power, maximum speed from the start, got it?”

_‘She must be talking to Ikari’s boy…'_

“… sixty-two seconds”, came the incomplete reply.

 _‘I guess this is not the best moment for experiments…’_ , Kyoko mused. _‘At least not in movement… but I can try connecting to the communication system…’_

A sudden feeling of losing something and equally sudden jolt forced her thoughts towards reality, interrupting the connection attempt. _‘I’m being launched!’_ was the only thought that stayed in her mind when sudden acceleration made her feel nauseous. The external view was racing in front of her with surreal speed; seconds later, far too soon for her comfort, she found herself high in the air – too high for comfort as well. She felt her body tumbling in the air.

 _‘This. Is. Not. Pleasant’_ , she forced another bout of nausea down. Asuka seemed unaffected, her entire attention focused forward. _‘Gott sei Dank_ , _getting sick is the last thing she needs now...’_

The growing feeling of sickness aside, Kyoko had to admit that things were progressing well – they were executing a well-thought-out and clearly rehearsed plan. _‘I wonder how their training might’ve looked like, how they got along… did it bring them closer, did it make them friends, maybe even something more?’_

Kyoko’s thoughts were interrupted by yet another wave of nausea coming from senses she could not even properly name; vision outside indicated the Evangelions were somersaulting… _‘Is **that** an **actual** battle plan, or was someone just fu–’_

Urk. _‘Re-focus, Soryu. Break their routine and they die.’_

Remaining thirty-two seconds of acrobatics felt like an eternity; still, Kyoko’s willpower and motivation won over, aided by waves of thrill and joy from Asuka. But the explosion from Angel’s death sent her tumble again, this time in an uncontrolled manner, making her land over Evangelion Unit-01. It broke the hold she had on her condition; moments later, Kyoko watched with horror as Asuka turned pale, then green. She watched her struggle with ejection mechanism of the Plug, succeed in a nick of time, and while she lost the Entry Plug vision as result, she retained enough senses to hear her daughter throw up violently outside the Evangelion.

 _‘I… well, she’s not going to be happy about that…’_ , Kyoko thought with embarrassment.

Voices were still coming from outside. “Asuka! Asuka, are you all right?”, a boy’s voice, concerned and clearly worried, sounded close.

“Go away, baka!”, Asuka yelled out in husky, unsteady voice.

“Asuka–“

“Get lost! I hate y–”

The rest was cut off by a sound of violent retching.

Kyoko suddenly felt chilly: _‘I think I just made things far worse…’_

A moment later, she felt even colder, and the world around her turned dark.

***

“Soryu? Are you there?”

Kyoko realised she was flat on her back, somewhere in the increasingly familiar garden. She tried to answer the call of her host; persisting nausea stopped her. She rose slowly on her elbows, trying to breathe and calm herself down.

“Are you all right?”

She saw the bushes part, and from them emerged Yui Ikari in her usual Regency-era attire. Kyoko nodded: “Mostly. It’s a holdout from… from the fight. We lost power at the end, didn’t we?”, she asked, accepting a helping hand from Yui and moving slowly to keep the feeling of nausea down.

“Yes. I managed to retain minimal perception until it was all over, though. Recovery happened without issue, and once we got reconnected, I reached to you”, Yui explained, pulling Kyoko up, a bit too fast for her taste. “Again, locating you was a little bit tricky… I must teach you how to come here on your own, but this is not a priority now. Tell me, what happened? Why did your daughter… well, fell sick?”

Kyoko clenched her teeth. “She didn’t”, she replied, prompting questioning an eyebrow rise from Yui. “I did.”

Yui did not reply, guiding them along the path. After a while, Kyoko resumed: “I think I suffered some vertigo from all this jumping and rolling. I was never… very acrobatic, you know”, she admitted sheepishly. “I managed to keep it down the whole fight, but I lost control in the end, and… well, Asuka suffered the feedback. I just hope I didn’t embarrass her too much. Especially that it was in front of him.”

Yui smiled. “Shinji tried to dot over her, of course she yelled at him. Repeatedly. But she was better soon after, so don’t worry. They’ll come to terms.”

“I hope you’re right…”, Kyoko said with a look of worry on her face.

“You worry way too much, dear. They’re just teenagers, a little bit lost due to their age and pressure put on them. They’ll be fine.”, Yui reassured her with a familiar, warm smile.

_‘I hope you’re right, Ikari. But I doubt it. Asuka is troubled, and there’s something dark under all this joy and fire… not to mention, this is not the normal level of pressure a teenager should be. Most teenagers don’t fight life-or-death battles and are quite troubled anyway…’_

Kyoko shelved the thought for later; there was no point in deliberating with someone who held an unshakeable belief; she needed to collect more information, maybe even discreetly probe Asuka’s feelings. This, of course, could open a whole other can of worms, but… _‘Technical concerns aside, privacy is an issue here… but I can’t exactly **talk** to her, can I? Another thing to delve on… when I’m alone, I guess.’ _

They reached the house and entered its kitchen; Yui took a steaming cup of greenish, steaming liquid from the table and handed it to Kyoko.

“Drink, Soryu. Calm your stomach, and we’ll talk. I imagine you’re not in a mood for cake”, Yui smiled a half-smile.

“I am not. Thank you”, she accepted gracefully. The infusion had a strong herbal scent, something she associated with herbal medicine. _‘Of course, it matters not what is inside, what does matter is what it tells my mind to do, how to feel’_ , she reminded herself. _‘And now, my mind and my… body… need to calm down.’_ She gulped it down in few seconds, feeling the warmth and calming influence spread. The slightly bitter aftertaste only reinforced the ‘medicine’ feeling of the infusion.

She joined Yui at the kitchen table. “Pity this activation gave us nothing.”

“It was not **nothing** , Soryu. It gave us a measurement of the depth of your connection, saving us time on the next one”, Yui corrected. “Just try to take control on the next activation – as soon as it is safe and discreet”. Kyoko nodded. “It did give us less than I would wish for, but for about a minute of activity, it was not that bad. It also gave me a better impression how having your battery drained feels like.”

Kyoko looked at her quizzically. “How? I know we’re kind of battery-powered, however that sounds, but… we have sensory input on that?”

“Surely, and however it sounds, it’s exactly that – battery power. It feels like suddenly getting thirsty; reconnection feels like drinking up.”

Something clicked in Kyoko’s mind. “ _Oh._ ”

“You felt it, didn’t you?”

She nodded. “Didn’t make the connection. Thank you.”

“Another pebble for our collection of knowledge. Let’s just hope we have enough of them when there’s time to start the avalanche that will bury SEELE and rest of our enemies”, Yui added with a warm smile.

Kyoko nodded again. “We will. Out of curiosity, how many Angels are expected?”

“I am not sure. Gendo said – in one of his monologues – something about ‘first of them’ and counting to the end but never mentioned a precise number. And it’s not that I can provoke him to say more.”

“I see. Well, let’s hope he slips, or something about them betrays more. Or Asuka or Shinji learn something and say it when inside the Entry Plugs, or around.”

Yui shook her head. “I would not count on the latter. Gendo is not telling them anything important, I’m sure. He is distrustful, even towards his own. Him slipping… is more likely. I’ll keep watch.”

***

An awkward silence came about once they stopped discussing details. They had everything planned – and had to wait.

“Soryu…”, Yui broke the silence with hesitation in her voice. In comparison to how her previous statement sounded, this one could even be called _insecure_.

“Yes?”, Kyoko turned her eyes on Yui, noticing she was fiddling with some small bottle.

“You are feeling better, right? No more nausea?”

Kyoko nodded. The sensations were indeed gone.

“Great! Would you…”, she hesitated again, looking to her side.

“Ikari?”

“Sorry”, she let out a nervous laugh and set the small bottle on the table with a bit more force than necessary. “I’m sorry, this is stupid.”

Kyoko raised her eyebrows. “Still, something is bothering you, right?”

Yui nodded and took a deep breath. “They were dancing, weren’t they?”

“Yes, I suppose one can call it dance. There was even some music, but I didn’t manage to tap into comm system to hear it well.”

Yui laughed nervously. “You didn’t lose much, it was a rather bad pop song. But…” She took a deep breath. “I like dancing. I always did, and I was quite good at it. Gendo was never very fond of dancing, though…”, she hesitated a third time. Then, she raised her eyes to face Kyoko and blurted out: “Would you indulge me, Soryu?”

Kyoko blinked in surprise. _‘This is… unexpected. Out of the blue, actually. I… Hell, why not?’_

Yui raised her hands abruptly: “Sorry, Soryu, I didn’t want to make you–“

“Yes”, Kyoko blurted out. It was Yui’s turn to appear stupefied.

“I mean, yes, if you wanted to ask me to dance, I will happily indulge you”, Kyoko clarified with a smile. “I’m afraid, though, that I’m not very good at it… never had time to learn.”

Yui blinked the stupefaction away and smiled with the same uncertainty that permeated her voice a moment ago. “Thank you. Just let me lead.” She rose and extended her arm to Kyoko. “Shall we?”

Kyoko let Yui lead them through the corridors of the mansion. They entered the living room, subtly rearranged for space. Classical music started to softly play in the background; Kyoko did not recognise the piece but liked the rhythm. Still, something felt wrong, out of place; she looked around, perplexed. _‘Where is this coming from?_ ’

Yui chuckled, noticing Kyoko’s confusion. “I’m sorry, Soryu. I’m cheating here just a little bit. This era has no real mechanical sound source except rather bad-sounding music boxes, and using gramophone simply felt… wrong. Anachronistic.”

“I see”, Kyoko turned to face her. “Well, I don’t mind, although a band would add… authenticity?”

Yui’s smile vanished. “Trust me, it would not”, she replied in a tone clearly suggesting dropping this line of inquiry; Kyoko knew better than to push it. Yui bowed to her: “My dear, would you grant me the favour of a dance?”

Kyoko froze for a moment; her mind panicky tried to recall the proper etiquette from history lessons, literature, movies, or just plain common knowledge. It took her several seconds, but finally, someone slid the right backup tape in the correct drive, and she curtsied – or at least tried to. _‘I guess some practice will be in order’_ , she realised, steadying herself after Yui caught her hand and prevented her from falling over.

That gesture more-or-less-smoothly turned into a proper dancing posture; Yui took the lead. They began to move across the living room, carefully avoiding the remaining furniture. Kyoko started to relax a bit.

 _‘It feels… good’_ , she allowed herself to think; keeping her steps in tune with the music and not stepping over Yui’s feet took all her available attention, and then some, but she began to enjoy herself. Yui seemed to have a quite good grasp on the dance steps, she led with confidence – and even managed to compensate for Kyoko’s occasional misstep.

In other words, a rather bad day finally started to look nice.

***

Trouble started small.

 _‘There goes my rhythm’_ , Kyoko realised when she was a step behind Yui. Whether it was from moving too slow or making another mistake did not matter. It was not the first time, too; Yui easily corrected the previous ones, so Kyoko did not worry now.

What was slightly different this time was the fact that the turn Yui was leading them to – one necessary to avoid direct contact with an armchair – caught Kyoko off-guard. To say that she panicked would be an overstatement, of course. She was perfectly calm if one ignored accelerated heartbeat and intense desire to keep up with her dance partner. This merely led to her making one step a bit longer than needed – or safe.

***

It happened all at once.

Kyoko ran into the armchair; the chair suddenly moved far further than it should be possible from such impact; _‘I guess they she made them light to be easier to move’_ , she spared a thought when her mind witnessed the chain of events in mute horror. The armchair hit the china cabinet, shattered the glass, and sent the piece of furniture into wobbling movement. Of course, all the cups and tables reacted accordingly. Kyoko could only admire Yui’s attention to detail in recreating the objects’ behaviour and physics before the china started to fall out and crash on the floor.

Yui, on her part, was put off balance by Kyoko’s unexpected stop. She regained her composure quickly enough to turn towards her dance partner and freeze in horror at the image of cups and plates coming down. The music ceased abruptly, leaving only the sounds of crashing.

They stood there in silence for a short moment, their hands still clasped from the dance posture. Suddenly, Yui started laughing loudly. It felt so out of place that Kyoko blinked in confusion for a few seconds before joining her.

“This… I’m sorry, Soryu… I… I should’ve emptied the room first”, Yui managed to get out before resuming her bout of laughter. Kyoko could only shake her head, trying to control her laughter. “I… it…” she managed before–

Yui fell dead silent, her laughter cut. Her sudden shout – “ **Soryu!** ” – made Kyoko freeze. “ _They noticed something_ ”, Yui hissed in a cold, focused voice. “I’m sending you back **now**. Calm yourself and play dead, as dead as you can”, she rattled out. “It’s vital you do not give them any reason to suspect anything.” She grabbed Kyoko’s arms and stared deep into her eyes. “Do you understand? This must be read as a glitch. Or everything is lost.”

Kyoko just nodded numbly, weathering the emotional onslaught with increasing difficulty. “Do. You. Understand?”, Yui repeated, holding Kyoko’s gaze.

“Yes. Play dead. Keep calm, no matter what.” She responded with a determined stare on her own.

“Go.”

The darkness returned. The now-familiar cold waters enveloped her once more.


	3. Into the fire

_‘I don’t think I’ll ever get used to **that** …’_

The feeling of cold waters surrounding her was now a familiar one. Still, she could not think of it without instinctual dislike. Being here did have an upside this time, though: as long as she did not panic when surrounded by the cold feeling, they dampened her emotions. This was exactly what she needed now.

_‘Play dead. Well, should not be hard, after all, I **am** dead…’_

_‘Dead are we yet not, we will die, and she with us into the oblivion will go.’_

Suddenly, the waters were not so cold. Kyoko’s felt far, far colder. The voice was crystal clear, so close it could be coming from right behind her. Of course, nothing could be _behind_ her, and she knew that.

But the voice spoke still. Cold, confident, emotionless, chilling like a stab of frosty morning air; it was a reminder of times when winters were truly cold and mountain air would bite her skin.

_‘This. Is. Not. Helping.’_

_‘Death comes. Accept it’_ , the voice spoke again. Kyoko started to shiver.

 _‘Keep calm, no matter what’_ , spoken by Yui came back to her. She clenched her teeth, a thought coming to her on the wave of desperation and growing anger.

_‘If you are here to stay, then **help me** , whatever you are! If we are discovered, there will be no death, just eternity of being a **lab rat!** ’_

For the first time, she felt the coldness recede a step. A tinge of hesitation touched her, feeling like her own feeling, but it was not. She tensed, forcing her emotions down.

_‘Fine. The end will come, but it will not today be.’_

Suddenly, the coldness was gone, replaced with the now-familiar and unexpectedly-welcome feeling of being surrounded by water. Kyoko realized her panic over the situation, her fear of discovery, her anxiety over the suddenness of the transition – all this was suddenly gone.

_‘Was zur–’_

“Maya, attach the diagnostic to the secondary core output. I don’t trust the remotes, they have been wonky last time”, came the voice from outside. A woman’s voice, serious, stern, but caring.

“Yes, Akagi-sempai”, came a reply. Female as well, but clearly younger, tinged with… admiration? Devotion?

 _‘Have I activated the external sensors by accident?’,_ a thought came to Kyoko, brushing aside the confusion from the sudden emotional shift. It was immediately replaced with: _‘Focus. Calm down. Do not let them detect instability. I know the Core, I had my hand in creating, I should know how to fool its diagnostics…’_

She reached towards the sensation of scratching at her soul. _‘How exactly did they work…? it’s been a while…’_

***

The frustration in the air outside Unit-02 was palpable.

Ritsuko Akagi was used to strange and unusual readings. After all, Evangelions were not the most predictable technology; the field of science they were based on was young and hardly developed. Thus, unanswered questions were the norm, strange occurrences were actually expected, and _bizarre_ was part of the job. _Unheimlich_ was the term that appeared often in books and papers on the subject, the German term for _unfamiliar_ , or _uncanny_. A word tinged with a supernatural undertone, a term Ritsuko Akagi, a woman of science and reason, disliked for exactly that undertone, the mysticism, the fearful subtext.

Still, this was the term she sometimes found annoyingly fitting when she was around the giants she was responsible for. All in all, she was used to strange readings and unpredictability.

Just not from Unit-02.

This was the first serial model. Unit-00 was inherently unstable, it tried to kill her and working with it was always stressful. The nature of its pilot did not help. Unit-01 was better in that regard, but it was… quirky. Maybe even ‘moody’, if such description could be applied to an Evangelion. Unit-02 was supposed to be an island of stability among them, and it always was.

Until today.

Maya seemed to take it far better. She simply followed Ritsuko with a cart filled with diagnostic equipment, diligently attached all connectors to the Core they exposed, and started gathering data. She seemed unfazed by the unusual readings from the Evangelion, or even by its presence.

Of course, had her kouhai known what exactly an Evangelion was and what – who – was inside, she would most likely start running and never stop screaming. Knowledge of this kind eroded sanity.

Ritsuko knew it all too well.

She sighed, browsing the fifth batch of data for the third time. There was no trace of anomaly that has drawn her attention two hours before. Two hours in which she has been directing Maya in attaching, detaching, and reattaching the sensors in all viable access points of the Core, and even some non-viable ones.

Nothing came back. The readings were flat within the error margin. The giant was sleeping.

“Maya, pack it up”, she called to the younger woman. “Nothing to do here. Either MAGI had a hiccup, or…”, Ritsuko Akagi trailed off, uncertain whether to voice the absurd idea.

“Or we need to check and replace the sensors?”, Lieutenant Ibuki suggested.

“No, sensors checked out just fine. It’s either MAGI or Unit-02 just had a bad dream”, she shrugged with some dry amusement in her voice. “Let’s close it up, do a quick check on remaining units, and focus on important things.”

***

Kyoko heard every word and every breath that happened around her body. She might have been unable to safely activate her sight, but sound and some semblance of touch were quite sufficient. _‘Who thought Evangelion’s Core is actually sensitive to touch?’_ she marveled at yet another unexpected quality of the creation she now inhabited. _‘Gott sei dank I’m not actually ticklish…’_

She spent last two hours focusing on thinking of calm lakes and serene mountaintops of Bavaria, recalling her rare times of leave from work. She was not sure if it was necessary, but it certainly made her calmer. _‘Cores are the closest thing we have to a central nervous system, despite them working like anything but the brain. Keeping calm should be enough for the readings to seem stable…’_

She had several slips in that focus; thinking about the cold voice still made her nervous. Fortunately, she managed not to rouse the scientists’ suspicions.

 _‘I wonder who they were. The name ‘Akagi’ rings a bell, but I can’t recall a face… I will have to question Ikari – she might’ve actually **seen** them if they poked her too.’_ Sudden worry seized her; she suppressed it as fast as she could. _‘I hope she managed to fool them too. Well, I will have to ask questions as soon as Ikari pulls me back.’_

_‘I guess it’d be rude to ask her “how can I visit by myself”, but in an emergency… well, in an emergency it may just save the whole conspiracy.’_

_‘So many subjects, so little time’_ , she sighed internally. The sounds of Evangelion Cages, as the scientists seemed to call the place – when they did not call it “down here” – were soothing. She relaxed and listened in.

***

The sky was blue. Once more, she found herself on the grassy ground, warm from sunlight. It smelled of spring. _‘I don’t… ah. Right.’_

She collected her thoughts. _‘Interesting. I didn’t lose consciousness. I heard them moving around… I guess they didn’t investigate Ikari’s unit…’_

Footsteps brought her back to reality.

“You seem to be fond of this clearing, Soryu”, an amused voice called to her. “Are you all right? You did great work on throwing them off the trail”, Yui Ikari continued, entering her field of vision and sitting next to her on the sunbathed ground. Kyoko turned to face her.

“Thank you. Once I realized what they’re trying to do, and how does it feel, I knew how to fool it. Except I had to pull on all the knowledge I have on Evangelion’s Core workings”, she stated nervously. _‘I guess I should mention that this **something else** inside my Unit was suddenly helpful. Wait… did I even tell her about its existence?’_

“You did well. Doctor Akagi suspects nothing, so it seems”, Yui’s voice broke her train of thought.

“Ah, yes, that Akagi person. I heard that name used by one of the technicians that probed me. My Unit, that probed my Unit. This name sounds familiar, who is she?”, Kyoko tried to rustle her memory again.

“Ritsuko Akagi, daughter and adequate heir of famous – or infamous, depends on who you ask and about what exactly – Naoko Akagi. Chief technician here, responsible for keeping our giant bodies running. Also, responsible for the restraints we are wearing.”

Kyoko nodded. “I see. Did they poke and prod on you too?”

Yui shook her head and smiled. “Not extensively, I’d even say it was less thorough than your standard post-combat check. Either the disturbance didn’t get out of Unit-01, or detection margins are far more lenient. After all, I’m wearing a prototype. By definition, this is not a body that is supposed to be up-to-the-standards they would apply to yours.”

“Logical. And how long was I away?”

“Whole night and early morning”, Yui laughed. Kyoko shot her a questioning look. Yui shook her head. “I mean here, this is how much time passed here. I have no idea how long it was in outside time, no better than you do. We don’t have an onboard clock, except countdowns, of course”, she paused, sighing. “I managed to get a single glimpse of Akagi’s watch, and it showed the 15th day of the month, but this is about it. So… we are still a little bit lost in time. It’s been something I got used to, frankly speaking.”

“I see. Well, it’s not really important, is it? It’s not that we have to keep appointments”, she shrugged, slowly rising from the grass to a more sitting position.

“Yes and no, actually. This is detrimental to our plans, as proper timing is important when scheming”, Yui half-smiled. “I am working on some solution, but I can’t exactly request an onboard clock from a manufacturer, shipping and installation included”, she finished with a deadpan face.

Kyoko chuckled. “No, not really. Maybe you should ask your husband – during one of those monologues of his you mentioned – to hang a calendar-clock in your sight?”

Yui shook her head and let out a small laugh. Kyoko could swear it was a sad one. “Not a chance. If I start talking back to him, he’s going to think he’s going insane or he’ll realise something is amiss. Besides, he does not come too often. I almost wish he did, it’d give me more information. His rants aside, he sometimes spills useful tidbits.”

“You mentioned that. I wonder…” Kyoko trailed off and turned her face away from Yui.

“Mm?” raised eyebrows greeted her.

“Hm. I wonder if you would mind if I listened in?”

“Oh, please!” Yui laughed. “It’s just – I’m not sure if I’d be able to maintain this and listen properly at the same time, let alone let you listen. But we can try next time. It’s just… not even really entertaining. It’s… well, half-philosophy, half-complaining about his subordinates, half-bad science, half-random memories, and half-wish-you-were-here-with-me.”

“That’s… a lot of halves.”

“I did say it included bad science, didn’t I?”, Yui smiled.

Kyoko rose her hand to her face and groaned. “Please… this was a really bad joke, Ikari…”

Yui laughed softly. “I’m sorry. I was never good at that. Gendo was always a little bit of humourless, and our work environment never left much space for mirth.”

“Well… scientist humour is known to be… hermetical. At best. And I think I am still… tired? I’m not sure. Focusing on them was mentally exhausting. Could I bother you for a spot of tea?”, Kyoko turned to face Yui again.

Yui blinked at her, bemused. “Of course. I apologise, I have been a thoughtless host”, she smiled, offering Kyoko a hand; Kyoko accepted with a smile. To her surprise, Yui did not let go of her hand for a long moment.

“Ikari?”

“Ah. Sorry”, Yui looked as she had just broken out of a reverie. _‘I could swear that was a blush, but that’s not possible_ ’, she thought in confusion. “Shall we?” Yui regained her composure and offered Kyoko her arm. They took the increasingly familiar path towards the mansion. _‘The tea might be fake, a figment of imagination, but it sure beats the darkness and creepy sensations of the cages. I hope “interesting times” are over for now’_ , Kyoko mused hopefully as they approached the building.

She was not the person to hold the most incorrect belief in the NERV HQ at the moment. But she definitely was in the Top Ten.

***

The following tea time was somewhat silent. Cluttering of teacups and sound of cutlery touching the plates were the only sounds; even the insects that were usually making time-and-season-appropriate sounds in the bushes were absent. Kyoko found this odd but was somehow at a loss how to break this awkwardness without making it worse.

To her relief, Yui broke the silence first. “I’m sorry, Soryu. I…”

Kyoko tilted her head a bit. “For what?”

“I… I believe I made you uncomfortable. I apologise for…”, she trailed off, seeing the confusion on Kyoko’s face.

“You… haven’t… why?” she asked, her voice underscoring the state confusion.

“I… I was under the impression it was… never mind”, Yui waved her hands in front of her and produced a large fan from nowhere. She spread it and hid most of her face behind it.

Kyoko raised her eyebrows at the theatric prop, decided to ignore it, and shook her head. “Ikari. I just had a strange day… night and a day… Time. Strange time. Weird time. The time when I was poked and prodded my… Core?” she sighed in confusion. “I’m sorry, it’s hard to describe, and even harder to avoid making it sound weird. No, you did not make me uncomfortable. I’m fine”, she paused and smiled. “If anything, your company makes me feel better.”

Yui made an indistinct sound and kept hiding her face behind the fan. _‘Is **that** a blush?’_ , Kyoko stared at her host – well, at what was visible of her host. _‘No, not possible. She’s just as confused as I am with the situation’_ , she decided and reached for more cake.

Yui took a deep breath and calmed herself. Well, tried to calm herself. The thought that her current mood could trigger another alarm was adding to a vicious cycle that could only be broken by diverting her thoughts elsewhere. It was time to act.

“Soryu!” she slammed her fan on the table so fiercely that all the china and cutlery clanked in unison; Kyoko jumped up, immediately focusing on Yui’s face.

“What is it?! Another alarm?”

“No!” Yui shook her head, determination clear in her eyes. “Tell me about poetry. German poetry.”

Kyoko tilted her head so much and so fast that she felt pain in her neck. “What.”

“Or music. I had very little education in that culture. Please”, Yui’s tone was almost pleading; fingers of one of her hands were gripping the seat, while the other hand was wrapped around the fan. Something was creaking from the pressure, Yui was not sure which one it was.

Kyoko shook the surprise off. She was slowly becoming used to strangeness around here, but every once in a while, her host managed to throw her off track.

“Well, I’m not exactly the best person to talk about it”, she started reluctantly, but Yui’s focus definitely made her reconsider. “… but I guess I can try. Are you familiar with works of Goethe and Schiller?”

“Superficially. Tell me”, Yui blurted out.

 _‘This is weird. But hey, this is not the weirdest thing to happen to me today. She has reasons, I’m sure. I just have to remember to ask her what they were. Before I start to think up my own’_ , Kyoko shrugged internally and entered the lecture mode.

“As far as I remember – and this was not my degree, so my knowledge ends on high school, both of them began in the movement that was called _Sturm und Drang_ …”

***

Kyoko went on the subject for a while. This was, obviously, not her specialty, but a good lecturer should be able to take several facts and weave a narrative around them; if the lecturer can additionally keep the narration itself interesting, they can hold the attention of students – or student, in this case – for a while.

Kyoko had no idea whence the unusual request came, but she came to trust Yui’s judgements along the way… and there was no harm in indulging her host. After all, Yui was listening intently, clearly focused on Kyoko’s voice when she described literature she became familiar with in high school.

“… and that’s about as much as I can tell you without making a proper lecture plan, thinking what else I can remember, and referring to external sources… which might be rather difficult now”, Kyoko finished, taking a deep breath.

Yui closed her eyes and reclined in her chair. “Thank you”, she whispered. Kyoko remained silent and kept looking at her host; her face was actually the only one Kyoko ever saw nowadays, maybe except her own in the mirror. Nonetheless, despite the exposure, some of Yui’s mimic expressions were still unreadable for her. The expression Yui now held could indicate tranquility or maybe deep thought… but also a state of intense focus from which she’d jump out with an idea or sudden action.

Nothing like that happened. After several minutes – in which Kyoko realised she hears the cicadas again – Yui opened her eyes and sighed contently. “Thank you”, she repeated louder. “I apologise, this must have been… confusing.”

Kyoko nodded in response. “Just a little bit. It’s the first time I had to recall my knowledge on the subject since…” she trailed off, her throat suddenly a bit tight. “Since I told Asuka about it. Since I read the poems to her”, she finished in a small voice, closing her eyes.

She felt a hand touching her own. A soothing voice came. “I’m sorry, I did not mean to remind you of that. Remember, your daughter is out there, quite fine.”

Kyoko took in a sharp breath, trying to keep her emotions under control. The last thing they needed now was another alarm for that Akagi person. “She is, yes, I know. I saw her. But I still can’t go hold her whenever I want, and I can’t tuck her in at night, and can’t comfort her if she has a nightmare”, she stopped to take a deep breath. “I know she is not four anymore, I know she likely has friends”, she continued in a calmer voice, “but it still hurts. I still miss her.”

Yui smiled sadly, not letting go of Kyoko’s hand. “Soryu… I know. I have the same with my son. We both miss them… and hope for the best for them. And we will give them the best, bright future we can, right?”

Kyoko opened her eyes and nodded. “Well, just like mothers should. I just hope we’re able to.”

“We will be. More tea, Soryu? We still have some things to discuss, I believe.”

Kyoko smiled and presented her cup. The familiar face of Yui Ikari was back.

***

Kyoko focused, as Yui instructed her to do. She felt her limbs move, sensed her hands wrapped around the controls of the thermal suit claw. The sensation, now conscious, was adding to the discomfort she still felt when operating her current body.

They spent the last few hours of perceived time discussing the intricacies of Evangelion systems, decided on some more tests, and even managed to take a walk. They even reached the hedge maze, when Yui tensed up and realised something was up – namely, they were being moved. Kyoko took that opportunity to put their theory into practice and test her remote perception of Unit-02. While the results were minimal and confusing, she was able to confirm Yui’s assessment – and she realised Unit-02 was being re-armed.

Being sent back – or, more accurately, returning to her body under careful Yui’s guidance, another thing they wanted to put into practice – felt as usual. The cold waters, the hushed whispers – less pronounced than last time, for sure, but never silent – and the awkwardness of the Evangelion body. _‘Business as usual, I guess. At least this… **thing** is less aggressive after I yelled at it_ ’, she noticed with some satisfaction. _‘Maybe the violence is the answer sometimes’_ , she thought wryly, before refocusing on the present. ‘ _Eh. I’m not sure if I should treat **this** as life and my time with Yui as a dream, or the other way around…’_

“No! What is that?!” came the familiar voice; the auditory input as on again, and this was Asuka’s voice.

“The suit is designed to protect you from heat, pressure, and radiation”, came the reply in a calm, measured voice Kyoko already heard somewhere; it took her a moment to recall it – it was Akagi’s. “This is Type-D equipment, for combat under extreme environmental duress”, the scientist continued. Kyoko started to worry – _extreme environmental duress_ did not sound exactly like something she would like to experience.

“Is that my Unit-02?” Asuka continued in a confused voice. She started to argue and several comments were exchanged, before another, strangely collected voice cut in.

“I will go in Unit-02.”

This elicited a strong protest from Asuka. “Sorry, but I don’t want you touching my Unit-02! I’d rather do it than let the First take my place.”

Kyoko listened to the discussion with mixed feelings. _‘Well… it’s good that she’s so assertive, this certainly helps her in life. But I’d wish I taught her how to stand for herself without antagonising people around her…’_

_‘On an unrelated note, that voice… She spoke of “going in Unit-02”, so she must be a pilot as well. But this voice sounds familiar…’_

“I know it’s uncool, but put up with it, okay?” Kyoko heard Asuka again. _‘Is she speaking to **me**?’_ , she wondered for a moment. _‘I still didn’t figure out how to turn visual on without activation… but I guess she is. I wish I could nod or smile to her’_ , she thought glumly. _‘And no, she’s not talking to **me** , she’s talking to the **machine** she pilots’_ , Kyoko forced a tinge of sadness down.

_‘She does not know of me, after all.’_

***

The visual input came in along with the Entry Plug insertion. For a moment, Kyoko was confused. The familiar wide field of vision was limited by a front-facing porthole. Moreover, Asuka looked like a red balloon with a head instead of the familiar appearance of a teenaged girl. _‘War zur… is that the “special equipment” they were talking about? Well, I guess Evangelion technology was progressing after we were gone…’_

“Roger that!” came Asuka reply to some indistinct chatter on the comm, and Unit-02 started to walk. Kyoko focused on her body again; she felt the limbs moving, but it was her will they followed; they moved on external orders. On Asuka’s orders. Or, actually, Kyoko moved them as Asuka willed; she wanted to move them as Asuka dictated, it just felt… right. It felt good.

_‘I wonder what will happen if I…’_

She resisted that good feeling for a moment and willed her leg to remain stationary instead of letting the order flow from pilot to Evangelion.

***

“Was zum Teufel…”, Asuka startled when Unit-02 stumbled and almost fell. She managed to grab a railing, but this felt really _wrong_.

“Asuka? Are you all right?” Misato called out to her.

“This equipment is jamming! It just blocked my joint!” Asuka yelled with annoyance. “How I am supposed to dive in **that**?!”

***

 _‘I… probably shouldn’t have done that’_ , Kyoko realised with worry when she felt the loss of balance, momentary recovery – and Asuka’s embarrassment. _‘On the other hand, this is how this works… at least functionally’_ , she noted while simultaneously and instinctively relaying the commands of her daughter’s mind to uncomfortable alien flesh she now wore. Resisting this was actually so difficult that she felt tired.

 _‘I have no real body, how can I be **tired**?’_ she wondered for a moment.

Realising that the conversation continued over the comms broke her out of her reverie.

“I’m telling you, Misato, it jammed!”

The response was inaudible, but it clearly annoyed Asuka. Kyoko focused on the system – _‘All right, Ikari has explained its workings, now it’s just a matter of applying the knowledge…’_

It felt like trying to rearrange her internal organs, but to her surprise, a sudden stream of information assaulted her. Filtering the conversation took her a moment.

“… and now, if you could be so kind, Asuka, place yourself in the range of the transporter grip; our automatic deployment system cannot work with this armour. Angel might not be attacking, but I’d rather not be here all day, and Shinji is already waiting”, woman’s voice came as clear as Asuka’s was before – and she seemed annoyed.

“Yes, yes, yes. In position, Captain”, Asuka responded in a sullen voice. She brought Evangelion to a stand and clearly waited for something to happen. That ‘something’ came in a form of a jolt. _‘This must be the transportation device… I’m not sure I like the concept of being hauled like that’_ , Kyoko thought absentmindedly. She started to feel uneasy, despite it not being her first time in flight. She pushed the feeling down; burdening Asuka with her emotions almost created a serious problem before, and certainly created an inconvenience.

***

Fields, roads, rivers, and buildings were passing fast. Kyoko was slowly getting used to it. Asuka’s calm mixed with her slowly rising excitement provided an emotional anchor. _‘Well, I know it should be the other way around… but no harm is done in having an anchor in the real world… even if it is my own daughter.’_

She was still withholding any contact with Asuka except giving her the faintest impression of support. Not alarming her daughter – and everybody else, for that matter – was paramount.

They landed. Kyoko felt the unusually gentle drop from low attitude and noticed Ikari’s Evangelion dropping not far from her.

“Hey, where’s Mr. Kaji?” Asuka looked around, clearly expecting someone else on site.

“That jerk won’t be here! There’s nothing for him to do”, replied the familiar voice of the woman whom Kyoko considered the pilot’s military commander – Captain Katsuragi.

“Damn, I wanted him to see how great I am”, Asuka noted in a sulky voice, her disappointment clear, tinged with longing. _‘Oh. My. Does this mean…’_

She facepalmed mentally. _‘Of course. She’s a teenager, she has to have some crush. Who could it be? One of the officers, maybe?’_

Kyoko sighed internally, trying not to spill her mixed feelings of amusement and sadness to Asuka. She was certainly glad her daughter had feelings and emotions of a normal teenager, despite a childhood without her mother… on the other hand, she would give up everything now to have been with her for those ten years-

She realised too late that her feelings were no longer properly contained.

 “… focus, your synch rate is fluctuating. Asuka!” Katsuragi’s voice was stern.

“Sorry, Misato”, Asuka took a deep breath, ignoring the fact she was breathing liquid with an ease that showed her years of practice. “I just remembered something. I’m with you now.”

Kyoko felt the turmoil her daughter was successfully hiding. This could be simply teenager’s normal emotional chaos, but there was something else to it, something deeper. Regrettably, Kyoko was far too focused on maintaining her own control to analyse her daughter’s feelings.  _‘Besides, reaching to her **now** might not be the best idea…’_ she concluded.

“What are those?” came the boy’s voice, shaking her out of her reverie. The emotions have calmed down sufficiently – for now.

“The UN’s Air Force is on standby alert”, came a reply. _‘It sounds like one of the scientists… Akagi?’_

“Until this mission has been completed”, another voice supplemented.

“Are they going to help us?” Asuka asked, her voice chirpy. _‘She sounds happy, but her emotions say something else…’_

“No, they’re here to clean up”, the explanation came in.

“In case we fail”, second voice supplemented again.

“What do you mean?” Asuka inquired, worry clear in her voice.

“They will use N2 depth charges to destroy the Angel, and us with it”, came a dispassionate reply in Akagi’s voice.

“That’s… awful”, Asuka sounded appalled.

“Who would order something like that?” the boy’s voice sounded equally shocked.

“Commander Ikari”, came the answer.

 _‘What? They want to nuke the site if this fails? I wonder what Ikari would say about that brilliant idea coming from her husband… she certainly heard that’,_ Kyoko pondered, ignoring voices of the command station that were going through some operational checklist. Only when she realised her body has been grasped and moved once more, her attention returned.

“Unit-02 is in position!” a technician’s voice announced. The porthole afforded her very little view, so she focused on Asuka. She was clearly excited, previous distress swept away.

“Roger”, came acknowledgement from outside. “Asuka, are you ready?”

“Anytime you are”, came a focused reply.

“Launch!”, came the order, and with it, Kyoko felt her body being lowered into the boiling magma. The air temperature was increasing with every meter she approached the molten rock surface.

“Uh… looks hot”, Asuka noted in slightly worried voice. Her excitement was tainted with worry.

It did not last long; Asuka refocused her attention on the outside, ignoring the rising heat. “Watch this, Shinji!” she yelled over the comm. “Giant stroke entry!”

Kyoko chuckled. _‘Danger or not, a sense of humour is always helpful…’_

Heat and pressure surrounded her. With it came darkness.

_‘Well, at least this is familiar… at least it is not cold.’_

A whisper answered indistinctly in the darkness. Suddenly, she felt very cold, despite swimming in a volcano.

 _‘Not. Now’_ , she gritted her teeth.

Asuka reacted with a tinge of confusion and moved her jaw. A moment later, she shook her head and refocused on the dark outside. A technician’s voice started to list descent parameters: “Current depth, 170. Speed of descent, 20. No problems detected.”

The operation has entered the most dangerous phase. There was no time for distractions.

***

“Visibility zero. I can’t see a thing”, Asuka reported over the comms. “Switching to CT monitors”, she added a moment later. Kyoko felt the command flow and the sensor adjust. “Even with this, visibility is no more than 120”, Asuka kept reporting. Kyoko focused on sensations coming from her surroundings, only to regret it a second after.

It was **hot** outside. The thermally-shielded diving suit was certainly doing what it was supposed to do, her flesh would be burning otherwise, but she certainly felt the heat and pressure. Heat and pressure that steadily increased as she was sinking deeper into the volcano.

 _‘I’m not a tactician, I guess they do it better, but if this goes wrong, if the Angel attacks, would Asuka be able to do **anything**?’_ , she pondered. The conclusion was kind of obvious, but not something to dwell on in this condition.

“Depth 400… 450…”, a voice from outside reported, counting up every fifty meters. When the voice said “800”, Kyoko thought she heard something creaking, likely under the pressure. At “850”, she was sure she heard it right. When the voice said “1000”, the sensation of pressure confirmed something was going wrong.

“1020. We’re over the maximum safe depth”, said the operator’s voice. Unit-02 kept going down. _‘Right, “safe” is not what they do here…’_ Kyoko noted with dismay. Asuka took a deep breath; a feeling of determination reached Kyoko. _‘This feels like it is important to her. Is this about her sense of duty? Or perhaps just the desire to prove herself?’_

“Depth 1300. Estimated target level”, the operator kept her impassive voice. The descent slowed down and stopped.

“Asuka, can you see anything?” came in another female voice; it was Katsuragi.

“No reactions detected. It’s not here”, Asuka responded with worry in her voice. Kyoko focused on the readings, ignoring the discussion that began in the command centre. The movement resumed slowly, and so did the depth reports. Kyoko kept looking out; she tried to squint her eyes, but this ability was another one her Evangelion was apparently missing.

A cracking sound broke her focus. The external heat abated when a cold shiver crept up her spine. Her Evangelion’s spine. _‘This is getting confusing again’_ , she spared a thought before she realised Asuka was less worried; Kyoko felt more determination, a strong desire to continue, to **prove** something.

“A crack has occurred in the second coolant pipe”, a little less dispassionate voice called from the command centre. “Depth 1480, we’re over the maximum allowed depth.”

“We haven’t made contact with the target yet. Keep going”, commander’s voice was still calm and stern.

 _‘And I was expecting an abort command, silly me…’_ Kyoko thought. She was actually getting angry. Not that she cared much for her life – the Evangelion’s fear responses seemed to be non-existent – but Asuka’s life… well, that was something entirely else.

“How’s it going Asuka?” came the commander’s voice. _‘Like she is concerned for her safety…’_

“Looks like we’re still good. I just want to hurry up, finish this, and take a shower”, Asuka replied with confidence that confused Kyoko. _‘I really hoped she’d be more reasonable…’_ , she thought with worry. _‘On the other hand, I wanted her to be courageous and confident… and well, she certainly is. “Be careful what you wish” for at its best…’_

“There’s a nice hot spring near here. We’ll hit it once we’re done”, came the reply. “Hang in there a little longer.”

Asuka tried to answer but fell silent when another crack came to her attention. Her determination strengthened, with a tinge of fear tainting it. The counting resumed, now giving values above maximum depth; this approach did not put Kyoko at ease.

Another cracking sound; Asuka looked down, and report about lost weapon came in. _‘Not. Good’_ rattled in Kyoko’s head. Panic was rising, but this was the last thing she needed now. She focused on her options. _‘Maybe I could force an abort if Evangelion displayed some anomalous reading…_ ’, she pondered, _‘but then they’d just put her back here, likely with the same equipment that was already stressed; this commander of theirs seems to be a little bit too determined to pursue this task.’_

In confirmation of her thoughts came the voices from the command centre; Katsuragi was overruling the suggestions to stop the operation, and Asuka was playing right into her hands with her confident statements.

 _‘Is this woman actually consciously manipulating her?’_ a new thought came to Kyoko’s mind. _‘I’ll have to ask Ikari about her…’_ she noted. _‘But now, options. Aborting is not a good idea. Can’t run, then, it means I should try to do something to protect Asuka.’_

Kyoko focused on the body she was wearing. Comms were silent, aiming her concentration. _‘She’s piloting this body just fine, so I would have to do something independent of her…’_

“There it is!” yelled Asuka, breaking Kyoko’s focus. Chatter from command centre increased; Kyoko tuned it out, concentrating on the darker spot in her vision. Her intense focus aligned with Asuka’s.

Voices from the outside stopped. All Kyoko heard were Asuka’s curt, precise reports as she aligned and maneuvered the scuba-diving Evangelion into position and engaged the capturing tool. The few tense moments ended with “the target has been captured”, which prompted a spike of pride and sigh of relief from Asuka. Kyoko shared her daughter’s pride, but not her relief – after all, they were still deep below any safety limit and had a dangerous cargo in hands.

“Nice one, Asuka”, came the voice from the command centre.

“Capture operation completed. I’m coming up now”, Asuka declared.

Kyoko felt her body being slowly lifted in the suit; it was slower than the descent, but they were finally leaving. She allowed herself to relax for a moment and absorb the satisfaction and happiness her daughter was radiating.

“Are you all right, Asuka?”, came an inquiry in boy’s worried voice.

“Of course! Fear is often worse than the danger, as they say. It really was a piece of cake”, Asuka bragged. _‘Of course, she wants the Ikari boy to see the best of her. All right, at least in this part of her life, she is doing fine’_ , Kyoko smiled to herself, relaxing a bit further.

“But this is more of a sauna suit than a plug suit. I can’t wait to get to the hot spring…” Asuka grumbled. Kyoko had to agree with her – while Evangelions did not sweat, they certainly were not immune to overheating. She was not sure what the sensors said, as focusing on them **hurt** right now, but she felt notable discomfort even trying to ignore the sensations. _‘Well, I can endure it for a little longer. Now that it’s all over, I can focus on Asuka again’_ , Kyoko decided and concentrated on her daughter’s presence, enjoying it as much as she could without alarming anyone.

This, of course, has proven to be a mistake.

A piercing alert sound, a wave of Asuka’s confusion, and loud “What’s going on?!” indicated the problem all at once. The sounds were distorted by magma and transmitted mainly through the surface of diving suit that encased Unit-02, but they could be coming only from the cage in front of the Evangelion.

 _‘Of course, this could not have gone smoothly. Trap, likely. All right, Soryu, **focus**. This will be hard, but your daughter’s life depends on it’_ , Kyoko thought, chiding herself for the slip in attention.

“Not good! It’s started to emerge!” came panicked comment from the command centre. “It’s much earlier than we predicted!”

Kyoko focused on the container. The creature inside was struggling inside, fighting to get out – and succeeding if limited sight was to be trusted. Long claws and other indescribable appendages disrupted the containment, causing the cage readings go wild.

“Abort the capture! Jettison the cage!” came a stern command. Asuka obeyed instantly; the remnants of the cage, released from the grasp, started to drop. Ascension speed immediately increased but it was still far too slow for Kyoko’s comfort. They were still deep inside a volcano, surrounded by boiling-hot magma. And now, there was an Angel on the loose.

An Angel that was far better suited to operating in this environment than Kyoko’s current body – especially considering the diving suit’s bulk.

“We’re changing the operation! Destroying the Angel is now top priority! Unit-02, prepare for combat as you withdraw!”

“What I’ve been waiting for!” Asuka exclaimed.

 _‘I’ll panic later’_ , Kyoko managed to squeeze out a semi-conscious thought before focusing on Asuka again. The girl’s desire to act – to **fight** – flared up, pushing her fear down, but for all her bravado and lust for combat, she had to be aware that this was not a good situation. _‘She is even ignoring the fact she is unarmed…’_

“Damn, I forgot I dropped the knife!”

 _‘…or was just too focused on the mission and the upcoming fight. Well, at least we’ll die together’_ , Kyoko realised grimly.

 _‘Yes, together, together will we die’_ came the familiar, cold voice, chilling Kyoko to the bone once more. _‘Wird der Teufel genannt, kommt er gerannt…’_ came to her mind along with a mental teeth gnashing. She directed her focus directly at the voice: _‘ **Get. Lost. I. Am. Busy. Surviving.** ’_

“It’s right in front! Releasing ballast!” she heard Asuka’s yell and saw the Angel in its full outlandish glory. The sight broke her concentration, but the cold voice’s attention shifted as well: some emotion resembling fascination reached Kyoko. _‘Interesting, could it be not as mindless as it seems?’_ she managed to note with curiosity.

“It’s fast!” Asuka exclaimed; the dodge was successful, but the enemy eluded her seconds later. Kyoko considered for a moment whether to assist Asuka in moving Unit-02, but then she recalled how it ended the last time. Instead, she focused on the internal matters.

 _‘What… what are you? Talk to me!’_ Kyoko probed the voice, but incoherent whispers and feeling of dread was the only answer. Another feeling joined in, fleetingly, a moment later. _‘Is this… longing? Emptiness? Loneliness? What are you? A piece of Asuka? Another soul? Why would anyone put two souls in an Evangelion?’_

“Have you dropped it yet, Shinji?” Asuka’s voice once more disrupted Kyoko’s thoughts. _‘What? Wait!’_ she tried to recover the feeling, but the voice’s presence has suddenly receded. For the first time, Kyoko regretted its absence. Not that there was time to dwell on that.

“No! Go away! Hurry up with it!” Asuka’s yells started to sound panicked; she was punching the controls, grasping a weapon that was not yet there. Kyoko reflexively reached to soothe her, picturing her hand on her daughter’s shoulders. “Come on–” Asuka’s panicky voice stopped mid-sentence, and she blinked, suddenly confused – but also a little bit calmer. It took only a few seconds; she registered the sensor blip of the incoming weapon, grasped it firmly and braced herself as much as she could.

It came not a moment too soon. The Angel charged, far faster than anything should be able to move in this environment. Asuka parried the tentacle that attempted to grab the Evangelion and tried to stab the Angel. She certainly succeeded and managed to get a few stabs, each one targeting anything that could be a weak point, but the beast seemed to be merely slightly inconvenienced.

A huge maw opened just in front of the field of vision and bit down on the diving suit, obscuring virtually any vision. The stabs became less targeted; Asuka was not yet returning to panic mode, but she was coming close. The only sounds coming from command centre were inconsequential debates on what to do to salvage the situation. Kyoko felt her own panic rising.

“I know!” came in the boy’s voice.

A sudden realisation came from Asuka. “Just like earlier!” A flash of memories flooded her surface thoughts. _‘Is this… a pool? Was that…’_

Asuka made a sudden movement; the internal readouts of the diving suit started to turn orange – the cooling pressure dropped.

“Eat this!” she jammed something inside the Angel’s maw.

 _‘Oh. I see. Smart. Simple physics’_ , Kyoko just stared at the Angel bathed in coolant fluid and began to marvel at the obvious solution.

“Transfer all coolant pressure to cable three! Hurry!” Asuka almost screamed. Moments later, the bizarre Angel’s form started to distort; a single, strong jab finally penetrated its shell and it started to disintegrate. Asuka let out a triumphant yell–

Only to notice readouts on internal pressure and cooling turning red all over. The diving suit started to buckle audibly. Kyoko started to feel the temperature rising rapidly.

“Right when I succeeded… Oh, man, is this it?”

Kyoko realised what was going on. ‘ _The cable must have separated. Whatever you are, it seems your wish will be granted today’_ , she stared into the deep darkness. _‘But she will not face it alone. I’m sorry, Ikari…’_

Kyoko reached to Asuka, no longer holding back. She imagined her hands embracing her daughter, comforting her, taking her in, giving her peace… Asuka seemed startled by the feeling, but relaxed a moment later. A soft whisper reached Kyoko: “Mama?”

A sudden jolt turned her attention away; the descent stopped abruptly, and Asuka looked up. A pair of glowing eyes pierced the darkness; the cracked glass made the shapes hard to make out, but it could be only one thing.

“Shinji?”

_‘Ikari?’_

***

“Thank you for pulling me out of there, Ikari”, Kyoko smiled at Yui and took her place behind the garden table. The burning sensation on her skin was slowly subsiding; cold breeze, helpfully provided by the Yui-controlled environment, was diminishing it further. The recovery operation, once Unit-02 descent was halted by the timely intervention of Unit-01, was quick and efficient, allowing the souls inside to meet in short order.

Yui smiled back. “It wasn’t me”, she replied, her smile a bit coy. “Well, not just me, at least.”

“What?” Kyoko titled her head.

“ _My son_ pulled _your daughter_ out; I merely strengthened my body’s AT-Field, so it would hurt him less. Well, that and I assisted him in moving in this rather difficult environment. He chose to help her on his own will, against the orders of Katsuragi”, Yui elaborated. “Well, maybe with minimal prodding on my part”, she smiled a small smile, quickly hidden behind the teacup.

“Do you think they would… would this help them get along?” Kyoko’s eyes lit with hope.

Yui put down the teacup and smiled sadly. “You read her feelings, didn’t you? You tell me. I read his; he would love to be close to her, maybe even love her, but he is afraid she really hates him. And he’s at least a little bit afraid of her nature, her temper, her fire”, Yui described in a wistful voice.

“Well… I didn’t look into her feelings, I prefer not to intrude on her like that. But I don’t even have to search her feelings to know this; when she’s yelling at him, calling him ‘idiot’…” Kyoko trailed off.

“… it’s her way of saying ‘I care’, or ‘I want you to notice me’, or maybe even ‘I like you’. Definitely not the best way, I know, but a way nonetheless”, Yui finished for her. “But he doesn’t know that, and, well, I can’t exactly tell him, can I?”

“I wished I had been there to teach her how to say ‘I love you’ the right way. I really do”, Kyoko dropped her head, staring in the teacup.

“We both do, Soryu”, Yui said in a wistful whisper. “Maybe we will, someday.”

“Ikari?” Kyoko inquired in surprised voice.

“I think I found a way to leave”, Yui turned to face Kyoko.

“Now?” Kyoko blurted out in shock.

“Of course **not**. When this is all over”, Yui looked at her, confused. “We’d have to test it somehow, find a way to test it safely in the first place… but I think it will work”, she smiled confidently.

Kyoko nodded and took a sip of tea. _‘That… that is good news, for sure. I just wonder when she had time to work on it…’_

“Soryu… Did something happen just before I caught your Unit?” Yui asked reluctantly after a long moment of silence.

Kyoko raised her eyebrows in response. “You mean aside me thinking I was going to die horribly, and worse, watch my daughter die horribly?” she tried not to shiver at the memory. She did not think about it back then, as there was barely any time, but realising afterwards what would have happened once the thermal shielding failed was likely to give her nightmarish thoughts for a while. ‘ _On the other hand, “fear of diving in volcanoes” could be filed under “common sense”’_ , she thought with some amusement.

“Yes”, Yui’s face was serious again; it brought Kyoko’s attention back. “I heard the command centre wondering about sudden and unexpected sync ratio jump. For a moment, it exceeded 90%, as I understood. Were you doing anything?”

“Ah. That”, Kyoko froze, recalling those tense few seconds. “Yes.”

Yui looked at her expectantly.

“I… I thought I was going to die, you know?” Kyoko explained, surprised that she had to elaborate. “And so did she, she was aware the end was coming. So…”

“So you connected to her”, Yui finished, her lips tight. “You reached to her. Or spoke to her.”

“Hugged her. Nothing else. I wanted to–“

“That was stupid. That was dangerous”, Yui’s tone was deceptively calm. Still, she sounded like a teacher scolding a student. Kyoko missed that subtlety due to the content of the message.

 **“She was about to die!”** Kyoko screamed, her face contorted with anger. “Have you expected a mother to do **nothing** when her child is facing death?!”

Yui straightened in her chair and blinked, staring at Kyoko. Kyoko took a deep breath and looked around for the cup that had to land somewhere close. _‘I just hope there were no stones nearby… oh, here it is!’_

“That’s… that’s a new one, I must say”, Yui spoke up after a while, her voice a little shaky. “Well, you do have a point…”

Kyoko looked up from a rather awkward position she found herself in while trying to lift the cup from the ground, preferably without standing up.

 “She is your daughter, of course you wanted to hold her in that situation”, Yui continued. “I hate to admit it, but I think I’d do the same for Shinji, damn the consequences. Just…”

“… just don’t do this when it’d arouse proper suspicion?” Kyoko finished, recovered cup in her hand, and her voice still shaking a little bit.

Yui nodded. “Yes. Let’s hope this will be just another puzzle for them to ponder on. After all, Evangelions are fickle beasts no one truly understands”, she smiled with a hint of mischief.

Kyoko seemed to relax a bit; she reached for the teapot, only to notice her hand was shaking. She quickly hid it under the table. Yui continued to speak, but Kyoko stopped consciously registering any words.

 _‘What is wrong with me?’_ , she wondered. _‘I’m alive… well, I survived. Asuka is fine. Ikari is fine. No one got killed. I must be overreacting. And all I could focus for a moment was this… cup, a construct of Ikari’s imagination, after all. Am I going insane here?’_

“Soryu? Earth to Base Zeppelin, are you there?” Yui’s voice was mockingly stern, amusement evident behind the words.

Kyoko shook herself back to consciousness. “I’m sorry, Ikari. I must’ve zoned out”, she paused. “No… I apologise”, she closed her eyes. “I shouldn’t have burst out like that”, she took a deep breath. “I guess this whole situation is just making me… anxious.”

She twitched when a warm hand touched her own. “Apology accepted, Soryu. I told you, I understand. Perhaps we should call it a day? I doubt there will be any alarm… Angels don’t come that often. Just watch out for any signs of attention from our… caretakers, can you do that?”

Kyoko opened her eyes. Yui was leaning over the suddenly narrower table. She was looking in Kyoko’s face with concern clearly visible in her expression.

“You’re… you’re probably right, Ikari. Thank you”, she rose from the chair carefully, absentmindedly noticing that the chair was actually half-broken. _‘Was that me? No, couldn’t be, I’m not that strong’_ , she dismissed the idea.

Yui reluctantly released her hand. “Let’s go. Time to rest”, she smiled at Kyoko.

***

Kyoko was staring at the ceiling. Her thoughts drifted back to the very end of the operation, to the moment of her rescue. She remembered the wave of emotions that has risen from Asuka: relief first and foremost, gratitude a close second, and a lot of positive feelings towards the boy that saved her. _‘This certainly tasted like affection… maybe even love. But why isn’t she acting on it?’_

Understanding feelings and actions of a teenager was not an easy thing. Kyoko remembered times when she was one, but it felt like ages ago. And the circumstances were quite different. She did not have to fight life-and-death battles, for instance. ‘ _Not to mention, I had people I could confide in. Does she?’_

Kyoko kept staring at the increasingly familiar ceiling, finding no answer.

_‘She might be afraid, yes… but she does not seem timid or withdrawn. Maybe she is careful, afraid of scaring him off? That would be considerate of her, but she might be missing a great chance on happiness that way…’_

Kyoko rose slowly and walked the squeaky floor to the window. The moon was hanging high in the dark sky, almost full. A simulacrum, of course, like everything here, but this was not something she would worry about now.

 _‘I hardly know her. I never saw her grow up’_ , the reality of not really knowing her own daughter hit her once more. _‘There’s no turning back the time, of course, but maybe there is a way to amend this somehow. If I could just talk to her, understand her, make her understand me…’_

She felt doubt overcoming her.

_‘Or maybe I should help **myself** first, somehow. Trying to teach my daughter anything while hearing voices in my head sounds like a bad idea. What was this proverb about cleaning your own house before offering advice? Or was it about a splinter in your own eye? On the other hand, it’s not that I can talk to a therapist…’_

A thought struck her.

_‘Gods, I’m so dense sometimes!’_

***

Yui Ikari woke to loud rapping at the door of her bedroom. By her reckoning, she has barely fallen asleep – and she was certainly **not** expecting visitors. Still, when she realised the sounds were real – at least as real as they could be here – she walked to the door. Opening it she faced Kyoko, her hair tied in a messy simple ponytail and her face beaming with excitement. An excitement that was quickly replaced by… embarrassment?

She blinked when she noticed Kyoko blushing and averting her eyes. It took Yui a moment to realise she chose to wear a rather anachronistic – and skimpy – silk negligée tonight. “Oh. Sorry, Soryu. I just like the way the fabric feels on skin…” she blurted out and quickly grabbed a robe. “What happened?”

“Errrrm” said Kyoko, checking with the corner of her eye whether her host was decent again. _‘Input data incorrect, please re-enter’_ , her brain responded before deciding to cooperate. “I-I’m so-sorry, I-I had this idea and I thought you could help me so I…”

Yui grabbed her shoulders and looked directly into Kyoko’s eyes, interrupting the babble. “Soryu. Focus. What. Is. Going. On?”

“Teach me”, Kyoko blurted out, looking Yui dead in the eye.

Yui unwittingly did her best owl impression. “What.”

“Teach me how to make my own world”, Kyoko elaborated.

“All right… I thought I was supposed to be the odd one”, she quipped half-heartedly a moment later when her ability to speak returned. “Can this wait until morning?”

Kyoko looked around, seemingly not understanding the question. “Oh. I’m sorry”, she said when realisation appeared on her face. “I… I couldn’t sleep, and I…”

“Please, let me take you to your room. You seem… slightly bemused”, she gently turned Kyoko around and led her down the corridor.

Yui kept talking about rest and peace of night. Her voice sounded soothing, but Kyoko was not exactly listening to the words. Her excitement was only one of the reasons; the warm hand on the small of her back, guiding her, was another thing that was wreaking havoc with her ability to focus.

“Here we are”, Yui’s voice and the sudden absence of the hand returned her to consciousness. “Goodnight, Soryu”, Yui smiled at her and gently led her inside. “Please, rest. And tomorrow… tomorrow I will tell you all you need to know. And we will put it in practice”, she smiled.

Kyoko followed Yui’s suggestion absentmindedly. The door closed behind her.

Her thoughts regained their clarity once excitement abated. ‘ _I’m sorry, my dear Asuka. You’ll have to wait for your mother a little bit longer’_ she thought while pondering on her plan _. ‘I’m so glad I thought of that. What can possibly go wrong?’_

 

 


	4. Talk to me

Kyoko Soryu was a little tense.

Yui came to wake Kyoko in the morning, as she usually did; Kyoko, on her part, was certain she did not fall asleep at all. She was also reasonably certain that the night was again far shorter than it was supposed to be.

And as usual, she chose to ignore such details. After all, this was not a very real place, despite Yui’s efforts and Kyoko’s own internal desire to consider it real.

On the other hand, what she could not ignore were the events of the previous night, when she ran to wake her hapless host, became speechless at a simple and completely mundane sight, and generally acted like a teenager would. She might have gotten over the embarrassment and confusion regarding her host’s state of undress – although recalling that did not help her focus right now – but not her own actions. They might have been in a mindscape, everything around them could be an illusion – but the actions and words were real, and they were a source of her unease right now.

_‘Focus, Soryu. You had a moment of… stupidity? Silliness? Juvenile behaviour? I guess one could call it “a short bout of regression”, but let’s not play with self-diagnosis. Let’s call it “this thing that will not happen again lest Ikari thinks I’m not serious about following her plan or even not mature enough to trust” and carry on’_ , she pondered over a cup of cocoa and the plate full of pound cake slices.

Of course, this was easier thought than done. Yui was similarly lost in her thoughts: her face showed little emotion, and her gaze was distant. This did not put Kyoko at ease at all; she wanted to reach into that mind, wanted to know what Yui Ikari, her host, ally, and maybe even friend, was thinking. Specifically, what was on her mind right now and what was she thinking about that unfortunate incident.

“I think we’re done”, Yui stated cheerfully, suddenly breaking out of her contemplation. “We can go as soon as we finish here”, she smiled at Kyoko.

Kyoko nodded her head carefully, unsure what was going on, but deciding to play along. _‘Questioning Ikari’s suggestions is rarely a good idea… her words and choices usually make sense in the end. Well, once I learn the whole context, of course.’_

***

Trees surrounded them. Yui was leading them towards something she called “the testing grounds” when they were departing.

They were not walking the beaten path that led to the clearing Kyoko usually appeared in Yui’s mindscape; nor were they travelling the less-trodden garden path that led to the hedge maze they visited once in a while. No, the path Yui took them was entirely new one, one Kyoko was unfamiliar with. The grass on it was cut short, and short wooden posts were placed to mark its route, but Yui must have deliberately made it appear unused, even neglected. Kyoko pondered over the possible symbolism of Yui making the path appear that way, finally deciding this was not exactly the most important thing to consider now.

They were walking in silence. Kyoko was trying her best to conceal her excitement over the situation. _‘I know this is irrational. It’s not the first training I get from Ikari…’_ she tried to convince herself. _‘On the other hand, all that she taught me until now was conscious Evangelion operation… surely, useful, lifesaving, maybe even interesting… but hardly fun.’_

A pang of guilt grabbed at her heart. _‘All right, maybe “fun” isn’t something I should be thinking of when my daughter is out there, fighting life and death battles. But I’m doing this for her, too… so maybe it’s fine enough?’_

“I thought you’d be more excited about that, Soryu”, Yui’s amused voice interrupted Kyoko’s deliberations. “Maybe I should’ve blindfolded you while guiding you here? To make the surprise more… intriguing? Thrilling?”

Kyoko mumbled something indistinct in response, trying to hide the fact her face was turning pink. _‘Keep your wits about you, Soryu. You are not- Gott, was that flirting on her part?’_ Kyoko mind started to race. She started to breath faster. Yui smiled at the reaction but did not comment.

_‘No, no, it could not be. She is just helping me, she is an ally, a friend. Why would she flirt with me? She has a husband… well, an ex-husband… damn it’_ , she gritted her teeth. _‘I hate this uncertainty, I hate this turmoil, I really do…’_

She looked sideways at Yui and realised her companion was still watching her with a small smile. It almost felt as she enjoyed Kyoko’s confusion and embarrassment. _‘Plan B, coming up. What was I supposed to question her about… ah, yes.’_

“Ikari… can I ask you something?”, Kyoko broke the silence, her voice shaking somewhat. _‘Distraction would work best, I guess. Gott, I wish I took some psychology classes, it would surely help to keep me stable now. But how could I anticipate **this** , ever?’_

“Of course, Soryu. What is on your mind?” Yui’s gaze became curious.

“Your… husband… the commander… as Katsuragi called him, I guess that’s the term…”

“Yes?” a sign of surprise crept into Yui’s voice.

“Do you think he would really go with the ‘bomb everything into oblivion’ option if the volcano operation failed?”

Yui stopped and took a deep breath. Kyoko followed suit; they halted in the middle of the forest path.

“I do not know a good answer to that, Soryu”, she replied, her heart clearly heavy. “I wish I could tell you ‘no’. I wish I was **sure** about that as I was when… when he and I were together”, she sighed. “But the more I see his actions, the more I listen to his words… he has changed, Soryu. He has changed so much that I am no longer sure this is the man I married”, she paused.

They both were silent for a while; Kyoko did not dare to interrupt Yui’s pensive state.

“No, I’m sure this is not the man I married”, she sighed heavily. “Maybe it was an error to leave him alone with all this responsibility, without my hand to guide him. He seems to have gone… cold. Irreverent of human life. Maybe even irreverent of Shinji’s life, not to mention his well-being”, her voice sounded almost melancholic. “I hope I am wrong on that last part, but if I am not…”

Yui’s lips formed a tight line, her gaze went distant. Kyoko kept listening, unwilling to disturb her host’s pondering.

“No, it is too soon to condemn the man. But I am increasingly afraid he deserves nothing else. That’d be a great pity”, Yui sighed, shaking her head. “I loved him.”

Kyoko reached reluctantly and touched Yui’s hand. A flash of mild surprise crossed the woman’s face, quickly replaced by a smile.

“So, Soryu… Maybe he would authorise such an attack, maybe it was just a procedure he followed and would never press the button. There will be further trials, and I will make my judgement. And if I find he has fallen… well, no amount of defence can withstand an Evangelion except an Evangelion, and with your help, we would have two”, she smiled a wry, wider and toothed smile. “And thus, the only countermeasure against us united would be Unit-00. And this is still two against one”, she finished and her smile widened even further.

Kyoko looked at her with a tilted head.

“Did you just suggested you’d… assassinate? Murder? Your husband? And you ask for my help?”

“Ex-husband… or widower, at best, Soryu”, she kept smiling, looking Kyoko in the eye. “And not murder, of course. If he is guilty, that would be justice served, or a combat casualty, if it comes to that. And yes, I could really use your help with that. After all, we are allies, are we not?”

_‘… hello again, shivers’_ passed through Kyoko’s head. _‘Well, she is at least part-right’_ , Kyoko thought, nodding slowly while maintaining the constant eye contact. “Yes, Ikari, of course. We are”, she smiled back, some uncertainty remaining in her voice. _‘I hate to admit that, she has a point here…’_

“Shall we, then?” Yui asked cheerfully and pointed in the general direction further down the path. Kyoko just nodded and resumed her walk.

***

The testing ground’s area was a square of several metres on each side, surrounded by a two-metre tall red brick wall topped with barbed wire; the wall’s line was broken only by a single, heavy iron gate. Its floor was made of beaten earth covered with less than an inch of sand; it gave the impression of being created to be as safe as possible.

“How do you like it, Soryu?” came the inquiry. “I was in a little bit of a hurry to create it, but I think it would suit us quite nicely”, Yui smiled at surprised Kyoko.

“I-Ikari… when… when did you manage to create this?” Kyoko managed to stutter out.

“This morning? When you were busy feasting on toast, egg, and bacon?” Yui smile became wider.

“Oh. Of course. Apologies… Yes, this looks safe, thank you. What now?” Kyoko regained her ability to speak after a short time of bewilderment.

“Now, I will give you some… I guess you could call them ‘access rights’… to the mindscape”, Yui elaborated. “ **Please** don’t ask me how exactly”, Yui threw her palms up in response to Kyoko opening her mouth, questions written all over her face. “It’s like inner workings of an Evangelion, and no, I have not done it before. It was not needed, after all.”

Kyoko closed her mouth without uttering a sound and nodded.

“Give me a moment to work it out, all right?” Yui smiled and closed her eyes. Expression of intense focus replaced the smile. Half a minute later, she opened her eyes again and her smile returned. “Done. You should have the basic creation and changing rights in this mindscape… I’m glad I anticipated that need when I designed it”, she sighed tiredly.

Kyoko looked around and then at her hands held in front of her.

“I don’t feel any different, actually…” she started, her voice confused.

Yui smiled. “Try something. Try to… I don’t know, move the sand?”

Kyoko tilted her head, intense focus appearing on her face.

“Nononono **no!** ” was the last thing Kyoko heard, and panicked face of Yui Ikari was the last thing she saw before falling to her knees, blinded and coughing her lungs out.

Moments later, the air cleared as suddenly as it became fouled. A strong wind encompassed her, and soon, the dust has settled. Kyoko saw Yui again, her eyes a little wild and her hair dusty. Kyoko coughed another lungful of sand out and stood up, a little bit wobbly.

“Well”, Yui started in a hoarse voice, “you did what I asked you to do, I admit. Still, I was thinking more of a… column of whirling sand, **not** a sandstorm”, she finished, underscoring her point with a cough of her own. A brush appeared in her hand and she started to dust her dress off before handing the tool to Kyoko.

“I’m… sorry, Ikari. I just… reached and… stirred? I’m sorry, I didn’t know how strong this could be”, Kyoko replied sheepishly.

“Yes, I’ve noticed that”, Yui replied, a hint of bitterness in her voice. Kyoko began to feel like a first-year student – not a pleasant feeling by any measure. “I guess it was my mistake; like handing a teenager unaware of her strength a china cup and expecting nothing will break.” Yui sighed. “Well, let’s do it the slow way then. First, you will have to learn to fine-tune your reach”, she refocused her gaze on Kyoko’s face.

Sand between them slowly parted and column of beaten earth rose to waist-height level. Yui created a cauldron with water on top of it.

“Now, Soryu. Please try to make the water surface move… and do it as subtly as you can. Start slow – we don’t need a rain here… or a rainstorm”, Yui smiled a small smile.

Kyoko was still flushed with the embarrassment of her first try; she nodded slowly and focused on the container. _‘Apply the most precise touch you can muster. It’s simple, it’s easy. Just measure your strength, like when you are bisecting a sample, like when you are fitting a chip into a socket, like… like when you are tying Asuka’s hair ribbon. Precision is not something I could have lost, is it?’_

Moments later, it became apparent that she was still in the Top Ten of most wrong people in NERV HQ.

***

Kyoko always enjoyed the petrichor; she found the smell of wet earth soothing. It remained her of many mountain treks of her youth; it reminded her of the peace of early morning sun. The beauty of dew covering the mountain meadows came to her mind whenever she smelled it. It was a smell of good memories, a nostalgia-evoking sensation that brought the memory of good times, feelings of serenity.

The feeling of heavy, soaked dress clinging to her body and chafing on her skin far was far less appealing. It brought feelings of annoyance bordering on frustration.

“Soryu”, Yui’s voice was patient, with only a small hint of irritation. It made her shiver far more than the cold, wet dress enveloping her. “I might not be up-to-date with German standards of precision, but I am certain this would be considered rather… _violent_ , which is opposite to _subtle._ ”

Kyoko wanted to dig a hole in the wet sand here and now – and hide in it.

She stopped herself short before implementing, or even visualising that plan. Last two attempts in altering the environment have proven definitely too destructive, and not knowing what access rights she has been given, she could not estimate the result of any ‘I want to sink into the ground’ thought.

“Let me clean it up, and we may try it again” Yui resumed in face of Kyoko’s silence. A hot wind began to blow, drying them up quickly – _‘actually, far quicker than it should be possible’_ , Kyoko noted. _‘Well, it is, as before, an Ikari-controlled environment…’_

Kyoko sighed. _‘What am I doing wrong? I am just… touching the… atoms? And it all explodes, like I was **splitting** them, not just trying to move’_ , her thoughts wandered while Yui reset the testing grounds. _‘Maybe it’s the matter of being in Ikari’s mindscape? Maybe I would have less problem with mine?’_

“… should be fine. Shall we try again, Soryu?” came to her from outside.

“Yes, of course”, she turned back to her host. Yui’s appearance was perfect once more. Kyoko chuckled at that sight.

“Is some sand left on my face, Soryu?” Yui asked, raising her eyebrow.

Kyoko could not tell whether she was being light-hearted, or annoyed. She decided not to take her chances.  She shook her head. “No, no, no… it’s just…” she trailed off. Yui’s eyebrow rose higher.

“Ye-es?”

Kyoko let out a sigh. “Do you take pains to look proper and good, or is this coming natural to you? Like, you think ‘I want to look clean’ and you are?”

Yui blinked. “I… I don’t know”, she admitted. “Just feels natural in this place, you know? A noble lady of any era – and I admit, this is what this fantasy is about, being a noble lady – was always supposed to look proper and clean. So yes, I just… will it, and my mind makes it real. Of course, there is a lot in the details, like remembering the sounds, behaviour, movements of air… But yes, in the end, it’s like putting your sneakers on: you don’t think how to tie your shoelaces, you just do, and when you recreate the steps slowly, you’re likely to fumble.”

Kyoko blinked, staring at her. Something clicked in her head. “Ikari. Are you saying I am overthinking this whole _creation and control_ thing?”

Yui tilted her head. “ **That** was a leap of logic if I have ever seen one… well, it was not my intent to say that, but… possibly?”

Kyoko nodded thoughtfully. “Let me try again”, she requested after a moment of silence.

Yui nodded cautiously. “That is what we are here for, Soryu. Third time’s the charm, right?” she smiled with a hint of worry.

***

The third attempt at manipulation could still not be called a success if any but the lowest standards were applied. Kyoko was staring at the container with all the will she could muster, and when the surface finally moved, she was not certain whether she has succeeded, the Ikari-controlled wind kicked in to assist her – or was it her mind playing tricks on her, giving her what she wanted to see.

“All right, that went quite well for the first… well, third time.”

Kyoko turned her attention from the cauldron and tried to blink away the afterimages of the cauldron that filled her vision. The container’s shape was impressed in inverted colours in her retina; it confused her for a moment. Still, she was quite sure Yui has just folded a large umbrella and stashed it away; she decided not to think where it went.

“I… I’m not sure it worked”, Kyoko started, her voice uncertain.

Yui smiled. “It did, or at least I saw it happen, and believe me, my senses are quite good here. And this time, there was no sudden shower or a squall”, her smile turned wry. “Do you want to try again?”

“Well… yes, I think? I should? That is what we are here for, and you went through all the trouble for…” Kyoko sounded uncertain.

Yui nodded, her face turning solemn again. “Don’t mention it, Soryu. Focus. We have plenty of time, of course, but this doesn’t mean we should waste it.”

Kyoko obeyed. Her eyes and thoughts focused on the cauldron once more; she stared intently and thus missed Yui’s worried expression – and the large umbrella she produced from thin air.

***

The expected storm and rain did not come; the humidity remained the same. The only thing that surely rose was Kyoko’s frustration, alleviated only by minor movements of water and sand.

***

“I think we deserved a little bit of time away from the lessons”, Yui smiled, handing Kyoko a steaming cup and taking a seat in a comfy chair in front of a warm fireplace. Kyoko smiled and accepted the cup with a nod before sinking into the soft cushions and returning her attention to the crackling fire.

_‘It was a… long day. Satisfying, but long. And Ikari does know how to provide a cosy spot’_ , she smiled to herself. _‘I don’t know why, but I feel… safe here. Cared for. I could get used to it…’_

Kyoko’s several attempts at control that followed were successful, but hardly impressive – on the other hand, they were far from disasters that marked the first ones. She still felt the frustration, and her embarrassment from the initial attempts has not entirely subsided, even if Yui has been nothing but patient and supportive. _‘I wonder why does she put up with me… I was never a very good company, after all’_ , Kyoko mused. _‘Of course, I am a scientist and so is she, so we do have common ground… and I am the only company she has here. However ill-fitting the words would be, “beggars can’t be choosers” applies here… both ways’_ , she sighed silently. _‘Not that I mind. Ikari can be scary once in a while, but overall, she is a wonderful host… and the chocolate tastes great, that’s a bonus.’_

“Ikari…” Kyoko broke the silence, prompting her host to refocus on her. “Tell me a story? You sure have them aplenty”, Kyoko smiled warmly.

Yui chuckled. “Yes... I do. But I think there are not many I can tell you without likely boring you to death… or creeping you out.”

Kyoko looked at her quizzically.

“I had a teacher... my father's friend”, Yui continued. “A family friend, to be more precise; I actually called him ‘uncle’ before... before he started to teach and requested we – the children he taught – call him ‘teacher’. He was old, and I do mean old. I thought he was well above a hundred years old, now I believe he was about eighty or ninety back then”, she mused. “And he seemed to have known **everything**! You know how children are: they ask all the manners of questions, all the time, about everything. And he always answered them, all of them, with infinite patience... but also gave us looks that scared us when we tried to be clever on him”, she smiled a thoughtful smile. “It was him who told us all the stories... I guess that's why I found your lecture German poetry a little bit familiar, there was a fair amount of Nordic mythology there too. Any mythology, if I remember correctly, and about how they all fit together.”

“You were home-schooled?” Kyoko inquired. “Or was this something like Sunday School?”

“In the beginning, it was home-schooling, not only… him, but a governess. Then I went to school, and the teacher tales became just a supplementation to normal education. Then there was high school while his talks continued… he has noticeably aged by that time, and meetings became infrequent; he died soon after, and all the children – well, no longer children – all wept for him. He was more a grandfather to us than our respective grandparents, after all.”

The air of mournful silence descended for a moment. Yui’s face was solemn for a moment, then she shook out of it.

“It’s the past. I remember him with great fondness, even if I was afraid of him at times”, she smiled.

“Isn't it a little unusual in this age, to be home-schooled?” Kyoko inquired.

“I guess it is”, Yui shrugged. “I thought nothing of it, back then, until I looked back and realised none of my university friends had this experience. My parents were protective, maybe even paranoid... and I guess they wanted me to get the best possible education”, she smiled. “It certainly paid in my career.”

Kyoko nodded. “I see… I admit I am not in the mood for creepy stories, and boring, well, it not the point of telling a story, is it… but you surely have **some** tale you could tell me that is neither?”

Yui pondered for a moment. “Well… As long as you don’t have issues with parables?”

Kyoko shook her head. “I don’t think I do? Should I?”

Yui smiled. “Then listen to a tale about a man and his loin-cloth …”

Kyoko blinked in surprise. “Pardon me saying that, but this sounds… um… never mind, please, continue.”

Yui looked at her, confusion in her eyes. Then, she laughed, her face reddening a tone. “No, no, no, no, it’s not what it sounds like, believe me. Just listen…”

Kyoko nodded, and Yui straightened in her seat. “Once upon a time, in a distant land”, she started in a measured, calm voice, “there was a man who made the search for enlightenment the main drive of his life. Soon after, he made so much progress, that his guru was impressed and decided the man needed no further guidance. Thus, he left him on his own, in a little hut on a bank of the river…”

***

“And then the man said: ‘You won’t believe me, sir, but there was no other way I could keep my loin-cloth!’”

Kyoko stared for a moment before chuckling softly. “Well, that does make sense… the man was kind of right, but at the same time… well, I guess the story’s lesson is open to interpretation?”

Yui nodded. “It is. Our teacher… well, he asked us what we thought of each and every story he told us, what the lessons were… and when you offered an interpretation he did not like, he relentlessly poked it with questions until he had broken it down and proven we were wrong. Sometimes, just sometimes, one of us managed to defend the interpretation. He was always very proud of that child when it happened… but it was rare”, Yui smiled. “I apologise”, she shook her head. “I am getting nostalgic… my childhood was a peaceful time, a time I gladly return to, even if I shouldn’t. Looking back is… immature”, she sighed.

Kyoko shook her head and reached to touch Yui’s hand. She felt a twitch, but Yui did not pull back. Kyoko’s palm covered the warm fingers resting on the chair’s armrest.

“For most people, except those really unlucky ones, childhood was an easier time. There is no shame in recalling it… as long as you’re not stuck there. Don’t worry, Ikari, I will not hold a little bit of sentimentality against you”, Kyoko winked, eliciting a small smile from Yui.

“You’re probably right”, Yui let out a softer sigh and turned her palm up, gently grasping Kyoko’s fingers. “Well, that was the story I could tell you without boring you; whatever lesson you choose to draw from it is entirely your own. Of course, I am not a teacher, and I will not make you defend your interpretation”, she chuckled. “I’m not a very good teacher…” she trailed off. “I mean, I can tell stories, but not to really teach lessons, maybe to entertain, but again, am I good at it? I don’t know… and I’m rambling again”, she sighed.

Kyoko squeezed the hand she held.

“Are we in any kind of a hurry, Ikari?” she asked. “It was entertaining, for sure, and you **are** still giving me some insight, I guess, just by the choice of the story. And I don’t mind learning a little bit more about you, Ikari… and I simply like listening to you”, she smiled warmly.

Yui blinked, raising her eyes to meet those of Kyoko. Their gazes locked; a flash of worry passed through Yui’s face, followed by confusion, a hint of fear, and… understanding?

Yui grasped the hand that held hers hard; for a few seconds, she held it tight. Kyoko suddenly felt a little bit warmer than the fireplace would justify.

Then, Yui shook her head.

“Of course, Soryu”, she smiled. “I apologise. I think I’m… tired? The whole training business, while successful, was rather exhausting”, her smile turned apologetic. “I shall retire early, if you don’t mind.”

Kyoko nodded. “Of course, Ikari.” ‘ _Tired? I guess I am tiring, at times, and maintaining reality’s coherence while I poke and prod at it could be considered tiring… perhaps even exhausting.’_

Yui untangled her fingers from the handclasp and rose from her chair. “Will you find your way to your room, Soryu?” she asked in a soft voice.

“Of course, I’m practically living here, aren’t I?” Kyoko smiled.

Yui nodded with a small smile. “Good night, then.” Moments later, she was out of the door; the footsteps faded into silence.

Kyoko was left alone by the fire, her head full of thoughts.

***

Yui Ikari stood in the window, gazing at the moon. She was in her usual nightwear – the same that put Kyoko off-balance last night – and she was wrapped in a soft blanket. For some reason, even while she knew the blanket was illusory, this simple gesture gave her comfort.

“A fine mess I am”, she spoke to herself, pretending to aim the words at the painting of a middle-aged couple in ballroom wear, a painting she chose to remember her parents with, a painting that once hung in the corridors of her home. “I guide her, all right, I help her, I expect results as a teacher should…” she sighed. “But in the end, what good will it do? I will likely get to drink tea in **her** garden, if it works well and she is wilful enough… but will it help finish the plan?”

The painting did not respond. Of course, Yui would be seriously worried if it did. The turned back to stare at the large moon, shining brightly in the night sky.

“Is this even a good plan?”

This was the doubt gnawing at her since the beginning, since before she climbed into the proto-Evangelion, since even before she started to work out the details. She shoved those doubts away; after all, was convinced that she was right, that her goals were noble and just, that the ever-present suffering of human beings would end, that the entirety of humanity would be finally happy under-

A sudden change in the usual buzzing of her external senses caught her attention and interrupted her train of thoughts. The Cages were usually peaceful except times of deployment or maintenance, with no more than a few technicians around, but there was always the constant sound of electronic equipment, the known beeping, the fans, the dim lights…

It all vanished at once, replaced by a deep stillness filled with hushed, clearly panicked voices.

“What the…” Yui focused her senses on the outside. Darkness, punctuated by very few red, emergency lights greeted her. Along with it came a faint feeling of thirst, slowly increasing.

“Oh. This is not good.”

***

Sudden knocking woke Kyoko up. “Enter?” she called in sleepy, confused voice. Yui Ikari burst through the door. “Something is horribly wrong. You must go to your machine and shut down everything that is non-essential before you drain your battery.”

“What? Why? What-“ Kyoko sat on the bed, her face still expressing confusion.

Yui grabbed Kyoko’s arms and stared her right in the eye. “There is a blackout of the entire base. Our communication, our Evas, our bodies – they drain power even when inactive. It may mean they run out of power if there is a need for combat. Go to your Eva, this should reduce the power use on the comm system if it doesn’t have to maintain the connection. Save power.” Yui was quickly, but methodically providing instructions. “Keep your senses open, but only passively."

“Is there an attack?” Kyoko tried to collect her thoughts.

“No. But as I know my widower…” Yui paused for a moment and decided this is not the best moment to ponder her marital status again. “… the base has triple or quadruple backups. If they all have failed, and it seems so, this means either an Angel is doing this, or this is some sabotage. We must be ready. Go.”

Kyoko nodded and rose from the bed the moment Yui released her arms. “All right. Anything else?”

“No, except keep your channel 8 open, I will try to establish a low-level signal so we have _some_ communication”

“’Go home now, I’ll call you’, right, Ikari?” Kyoko remarked with a wry smile she held for a second. “Good luck”, she turned solemn again.

Yui blinked in surprise, then chuckled. “To both of us. Go. I’ll get to work now.”

Kyoko turned towards the door. The act of walking, of passing through something representing a gate, a door, even if it were two trees framing a path, helped in the transition. She took a step-

***

-and fell in the familiar cold waters.

_‘Hello darkness, my old friend…’_ she thought with resignation before focusing on her surroundings.

The familiar presence she half-expected, half-hoped not to feel touched her again, far more softly than before. There were no words now, just the overwhelming feeling of vast emptiness. For a moment, Kyoko felt as she were in the middle of an ocean, all alone, with nothing but the dark sky above her and miles of dark waters below her. For some reason, it did not scare her – she found an unusual, never before experienced tranquillity. She relaxed, spread her arms, and kept staring at the dark sky. _‘Why are there no stars? So far from the land, I should be able to see the stars… or maybe are they gone, too?’_

Her mind drifted away and she felt herself slowly sinking into the welcoming embrace of the water, well knowing that once she reaches the bottom, she will find even greater peace, the peace of eternal rest.

“…se Zeppelin … you …py?”

A signal carrying a voice, but buzzing with static to a point of intelligibility slowly reached boundaries of her mind. It did not seem important at all, though.

“…to base Zeppelin, do … copy?” the signal came in stronger. A small ripple in the waters disturbed her peace. This voice sounded insistent; maybe it was important? It sounded vaguely familiar, too.

“Earth to base Zeppelin, do you copy? Soryu – **are you there**?”

Suddenly, the voice was dead serious without a hint of static. Kyoko managed to focus the remnants of her attention. “Yes?” she asked weakly.

“Soryu, I don’t know what is going there, but you sound like you were asleep. Talk to me”, the voice was insistent.

“Who… who is this?”

The peaceful waters were pulling her, and the voice was an annoying disturbance. Still, some part of her mind held to it. It seemed important to her.

“Soryu, by the gods of my ancestors, I really hope this is a bad attempt at a joke.” There was a hint of panic in that voice. _‘And a hint of… care? Who could care for me?’_

Dim images passed in front of Kyoko’s eyes. The garden. The kitchen table. The tea and cake. The woman who hosted her.

The woman who called to her now.

“I… Ikari?”

“Yes, it is me. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, I don’t know what is wrong, but **focus** , by all that is holy, **wake up!** ”

The last part was underscored by a loud sound that sounded like someone hitting a desk with a fist. Kyoko blinked and gasped in reaction to the impulse. That moment, she started to drown.

Few seconds of struggle pulled her out from her relaxed, tranquil state and threw her into a state of minor panic. This was, of course, more familiar; it was something she experienced regularly when returning to her Evangelion.

It took her a few long moments later to recover, resurface, and take a deep breath. She felt the cold and hostile, but familiar presence retreat. ‘Not ready…’ was a whisper it left behind before vanishing into the depths.

“Soryu? Are. You. There?”

Kyoko shook her head. “Yes, Ikari, I’m here. Sorry, I… I don’t know what happened, I just started sinking when I got back.”

_‘Well, I **could** explain it… but I don’t think this is the best moment’_ , she gritted her teeth. _‘Being insane is not the best qualification in an ally… and what happened is not exactly normal.’_

“This does not sound good, but we will discuss it once you’re back – unless you need to talk right now?” Yui offered, panic retreating from her voice, but leaving behind audible worry and a hint of care.

“No, I’m… fine”, Kyoko lied with minimal hesitation. _‘I will sort it out. I was sleepy, confused, and this will not happen again.’_

A minor, very distant giggle responded from the depths. A chill ran down Kyoko’s spine.

“Are you sure?” Yui’s voice inquired.

“Yes. I will be fine”, Kyoko reassured her, her voice shakier than a moment ago. “I was just startled, that’s all. Thank you for waking me up”, she forced a bit of cheer into her voice.

“All right. Now… did you handle the systems? How do you feel about your batteries?”

“I’m not sure”, Kyoko resumed her professional posture. This came a bit easier than the cheer. “I do feel them slightly drained, but nothing serious. I’m looking at systems now, but there is not much to deactivate here…”

“I might’ve been exaggerating with the power use in the current mode. Just don’t activate any more systems and you should be fine” Yui reassured her. “I see some movements and people with manual lights, but not much else. Let’s wait until it becomes clear.”

“Roger that, Ikari” Kyoko confirmed.

“And… Soryu?” came in, in a hesitant voice.

“Yes?”

“Don’t scare me like this ever again, please?”

Yui’s voice was calm, but it carried a lot of strange undertones, a lot of emotions, primarily of care and relief. If her body made it possible, Kyoko would have blushed right now.

“I will do my best to avoid that, Ikari”, she stated, this time entirely sincere.

“Thank you.”

The silence that followed was only slightly awkward.

***

The voices from outside were a welcome relief. Suddenly, without much warning, the Evangelion Cages began to bustle with activity, if an unusual one. There were people running around, shouting orders – by voice or some loudspeaker – and there were sounds indicative of physical effort. Kyoko chose to break the radio silence.

“Ikari, you can see outside, right? What is going on?”

“I am… not sure. They seem to be… attempting something despite lack of power. I currently see an Entry Plug lifted by hand on ropes…” she trailed off. “Oh. This is a manual launch, I believe. But there are no pilots around.”

“I think I heard Asuka’s voice just a minute ago, but it might’ve been anything… is it even possible to enter the base without the power?”

“As I know my… as I know Gendo, yes, there is. He likes to have an exit from every situation, multiple entry routes, and a number of alternatives to anything he touches. Question is whether they know-oh, they’re here. You heard right, they were crawling through the ventilation ducts.”

Kyoko chuckled. “Well, that had to look funny…”

“Well… there is no dignified way to crawl in crawlspaces, is there?” Yui sounded amused. “I’m getting my Entry Plug inserted. I believe you’re next.”

“So… see you in battle?” Kyoko’s voice turned serious.

“Yes, Soryu. Good luck, and good hunting.”

“To us both, Ikari.”

***

“You’re right, Ikari. There is no dignified way to move in here…”, Kyoko noted dryly on Channel 8 when the Evangelions were heading out via some Evangelion-sized crawlspace. Asuka was focused on the task and perfectly able to walk, leaving Kyoko free to contemplate the internal architecture of NERV HQ.

Yui chuckled. “I admit it feels… unusual.”

“Geez! This is **so** uncool!” grumbled Asuka. Kyoko giggled.

“Apparently, our children share the sentiment…” she directed a comment at Yui.

“We’re approaching the vertical shaft” came over the comm from Unit-00. Kyoko turned her attention to the source of the voice, a voice she heard before, and that sounded somewhat nagging familiar…

Her thoughts were interrupted by Asuka opening the door to the shaft – or, more precisely, brutally kicking them out – and a difficult climb up the shaft. _‘Well, I can imagine why there are no handholds there, but this is not an easy-’_

“This is still uncool”, Asuka grumbled once more, taking the point in climbing. She tried to continue, but some movement drew her attention.

“I’m hit, no damage, watch out, it’s acid, it hurts” came over Channel 8 from Yui.

A second later, a warning “Watch out! Dodge!” came over the comm from Unit-00.

Kyoko suddenly realised why the voice of the last pilot sounded familiar. She knew that voice well, it was just a little older… _‘She never mentioned a daughter!’_

Once more, her thoughts got interrupted by sudden situation change: searing pain on the skin, loss of balance, a sensation of falling – it all came together within seconds.

“Soryu, grab zero, dig heels in!” came on Channel 8; Kyoko obeyed instinctively. The fact that there was no pilot input made the task far easier. She caught Unit-00 with her hand and kicked the walls as strong as she was able, while simultaneously trying to steady herself against grabbed Evangelion. The sound of the torn metal rung in her ears, the pain of strained muscles and tendons made her clench her teeth.

“Got it, Soryu. Good work”, came on Channel 8.

“We are no longer falling. Good work, Pilot Ikari, Pilot Soryu” came in younger voice. Confused sounds were the only reply. “I suggest we… step aside. The Angel may attempt to use the corrosive substance again soon.

The pilots of Unit-01 and Unit-02 regained their composure remarkably quickly and scrambled up towards the passageway they started the journey up the shaft and started to form a combat plan.

Kyoko realised her growing thirst; their power was limited. “Ikari, are you all right?” she focused on the secret transmission channel.

“Yes, Soryu, I am fine”, came a delayed reply. “We have been reckless with that stunt, let’s hope our children will not think too much of it”, the voice added with worry.

“They shouldn’t, they’re too focused on the current situation, they’ll likely write it off as a reflex. Ikari… that girl in Unit-00…” Kyoko started.

“Not now, Soryu. I promise, I’ll explain later as much as I will be able to”, came a curt answer.

“… on offense, Wondergirl is the backup.” Kyoko refocused on Asuka’s voice; she seemed to provide the final details of her plan. “Got it?”

“Understood” came in unison from both Shinji and the strange girl.

“Okay, here. We. Go!” Asuka yelled. “Los!”

“Soryu, I’m leaving the channel open should we need to coordinate again”, Yui noted in focused voice once Evangelions began to climb out.

“Roger that, Ikari” , Kyoko acknowledged. “Guide his hand well.”

“I always will”, Yui replied with absolute certainty in her voice.

Kyoko smiled and focused on Asuka’s actions. _‘Most dangerous position. Of course she chose it for herself, my Asuka, always brave, to a fault… empower AT Field, reduce the pain. Let’s face this… together, mother and daughter.’_

***

A sound of triumph came over the comms from Unit-01. There was a far softer “Good work, son… now I hope they will regain power and reconnect us… see you then, Soryu” on Channel 8.

Kyoko managed to acknowledge the message before darkness surrounded her mere seconds later; the Evangelion powered down. _‘What… oh. That was a pilot command, of course… Asuka powered down the moment she realized combat was over. Well, the moment she was done bragging. She knew it would take a moment to be retrieved.’_

Kyoko could not see her daughter, but she could feel her presence all too well. Emotions radiating from her were confusing, chaotic – Kyoko was beginning to get used to it, but it still was a little taxing to experience. _‘I guess this is a normal thing for a teenager… Tell me, my dear girl, what do you feel?’_ Kyoko opened herself a little bit more to sensations from the pilot.

There was a sense of triumph, yes, and joy. _‘This is expected, of course, that was a victory under rather difficult circumstances.’_

There was pride. _‘Of course, she withstood great pain… no, wait, it is not about her… she is proud of **him**. This is… strange.’_

There was also longing in the mix, affection, infatuation, desire-

Kyoko stopped herself right there. Delving into that would be simply wrong, it felt far too… intimate. But it was clearly directed at the Ikari boy. _‘She… she is in love with him. Consciously or not, she is. Proud of him and angry at him for not noticing. This… this may turn a little bit complicated.’_

She extended the softest touch towards her daughter, one that could easily be interpreted as Asuka’s own imagination. She felt her daughter’s mind and arms wrap around her hand, and she held her firm. The turmoil from the emotions started to slowly subside.

“What should I do, Mama…?” came a soft whisper.

Kyoko’s first instinct was to speak up, but this would have been a stupid idea, one she has been warned away by Yui more than once. She moved a bit closer to Asuka, embracing her; Asuka did not seem to notice the change.

“He… he doesn’t care. He avoids me. He ignores even the most blatant hints, I bet he’s laughing at me afterwards!” A wave of irritation, mixed with sadness, followed. Kyoko started to realise the problem. “He is such an **idiot**!” Asuka yelled and threw a punch against – as Kyoko suspected – imaginary Shinji; then, she fell back, resigned, radiating anger. Kyoko kept her in her arms and hugged her tighter.

Kyoko felt torn. _‘If I do anything more, and Ikari learns of it, I’ll have an earful… not to mention, she may distrust me as reckless, too emotional. If I don’t… I might never have this chance again…’_

She focused an image of herself whispering to Asuka’s ear, trying to be as subtle as she can. “Talk to him, dear”, she whispered the realisation she had a moment ago. “He is blind, not stupid. He doesn’t see you like him.”

Asuka suddenly radiated confusion, mixed with irritation, soon to be replaced by surprise and worry. “God, am I hearing voices now? Or…”

Kyoko withdrew carefully, leaving only a soft touch behind. _‘I did all I could do here and now… I hope you’re smart, my little daughter…’_

Asuka’s worry has been replaced by hope. “I guess… I guess the best thoughts come in the darkness, right?” she spoke up. “I never really believed in dead watching over us… but if it was you, Mama… thank you.” A wave of emotions hit Kyoko again, making her withdraw entirely. She wanted to cry, and once more she cursed the lack of this simple ability in a purportedly advanced organism like an Evangelion.

They both, mother and daughter, sat in the silence, introspecting.

***

An unknown time later, time that felt like an eternity, Kyoko felt an impulse; some auxiliary systems powered up on external order. “Unit-02, brace for impact!” came on the comm channel in the voice of their commander, Katsuragi; no image was visible. A second later Kyoko felt a sharp tug of her body.

“Hey! You! Careful! I’m a fair maiden, not a sack of potatoes!” Asuka yelled, startled and thrown off.

“Stop complaining, you’ll be out soon”, countered the voice.

“I feel… fine here”, Asuka stated calmly, her voice carrying a hint of surprise. “I just don’t like to be thrown around! If I feel it here, submerged, how brutal it must be to my Eva?” she pointed out with clear annoyance.

“There, there. Don’t worry, no Evas will be hurt during the recovery” Katsuragi replied in a somehow tired voice and closed the channel. Asuka grumbled silently and reclined again. The peace and contemplative mood were gone, Kyoko noticed with sadness, but Asuka seemed to be happier.

And it was all that counted.

                                                                                                                ***                         

Kyoko suddenly felt a tug at her soul; it subsided quickly and was followed by all her Evangelion senses returning – at least those that usually operated while in her state. _‘Still no vision, regrettably. Is this typical for the standard models, or is my body flawed?’_ Her thirst also abated – power was back.

She tried to connect with Unit-01, but Channel 8 was dead. _‘She is either busy sorting out her damage, or they connected me first. No matter, I can wait.’_

Kyoko, despite just having been in battle and suffering damage, was feeling content, even happy. She had a chance to spend time with her daughter, surreptitious and imperfect it was, it was still time with her. She was looking forward to time with her… friend? Confidante? Ally? _‘Well, that is something we will have to sort out… someday. With Ikari. Maybe I am fond of her just because she is the only human… well… the only person I can talk to. Well, doesn’t matter. I could die any time, and she is good company-‘_

A chill run down her spine when she realized she could have just summoned her strange companion with that thought about death; she braced herself for the unpleasant sensation.

Nothing came. No whispers. No voices. No cold. No fear.

_‘Odd. Not that I don’t welcome the peace…’_

Suddenly, she felt a familiar tug. _‘Oh. Isn’t that an invitation to Ikari Mansion…’_ she managed to think before-

***

Kyoko walked out from between the trees; she was no longer becoming disoriented when coming here, even if this time, Yui seemed to have pulled her more violently. _‘Or was it a push? Strange’_ , she mused on that for a moment before turning back to feelings of this place.

_‘It began to feel like… home? Am I living here now, with her?’_. A familiar silhouette loomed not too far away; Kyoko sped up to meet her. She noticed minor changes: a bush close to treeline was damaged, there was a bird feeder just past the line – but filled with cookies and other sweets instead of grain – and there was a small patch of scorched grass. _‘Hm, something seems to be up… I will have to ask her about it. Likely some kind of joke she would smile on slyly and either explain or tell me to guess’_ , she smiled to herself.

Yui turned suddenly on the sound of steps, her face showing a large bruise, her eyes wary. A sharp fireplace poker in her hand was pointing at Kyoko. “Soryu?”

Kyoko blinked in abject surprise: “Yes? Who else?”

She looked around. There was more to it than just the bruise: Yui’s dress was dishevelled, the table was in pieces, the cups were shattered, and the mansion was missing most of its window glass. “Ikari… what happened?”

Yui left a sigh of relief, dropped the poker, and spoke up, her voice mixing exasperation and dry wit, but her words turned Kyoko’s face pale.

“Well. Why didn’t you mention you have an evil twin?”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For those interested in the story Yui told Kyoko: it is a parable, taken from "Prayer of the Frog, part one" by Anthony de Mello. I chose not to quote it entirely due to its length and uncertainty about copyright laws (the tale itself is ancient, but the version and commentary is not).
> 
> For detail-oriented readers, about battle with Matarael: I consciously decided to disregard the rather unexplainable scene when Pilots are sitting in their plug suits a overlooking the city; Evangelions are not in sight, and it is highly unlikely they would be able to sprint there, in their Evas, in the time they had left; while that scene is climatic, it is quite impossible. Thus, I chose to replace it with Asuka and Kyoko interaction.


	5. Face your fears

Yui’s bruise was fading, far faster than a real one would. She was also looking far less tense than a few moments ago when she was threatening to use the fireplace poker on Kyoko. That – and the fact that the poker has been stashed away – made Kyoko a little bit more at ease. Only a bit, though, as Yui was still looking rather stiff, her face still expressing wariness and worry. As much as the silence was growing increasingly awkward, Kyoko decided not to speak, instead immersing herself in the simple acts of fixing the damage the incident has caused.

Fixing the table was a matter of exerting Yui’s will, so it was done quickly. Removing the glass shards from the floors was equally easy – for Kyoko it seemed as if the glass melted and was absorbed by the boards and carpets. Replacing the windows took only a little bit longer, as Yui did it one at a time. Kyoko watched her work with envy; the ease her host was rebuilding her internal world was something she wished for herself.

New dishes they brought by hand, taking them out from dusty cupboard one by one and carrying them to the table; they found some peace in this simple domestic activity. By that time, the silence between them has grown too heavy for Kyoko to bear.

“Ikari… I am sorry. I had no idea…” she broke it once they sat down at the garden table. “What has exactly happened? Why did you say: ‘evil twin’? What-”

Yui raised her hand, gesturing Kyoko to stop. She took a deep breath, reached for a cup of tea, and took a sip. Her hands were no longer shaking, but she was obviously far from relaxed. “Well… I reached for you, a routine gesture right now – or so I thought.” Yui’s voice betrayed tension and she was not looking at Kyoko. “It felt less difficult than the last time, you were less… slippery, far easier to grasp. And you came, as expected.”

Kyoko winced slightly hearing that. “You – her – looked a bit off then, your clothing somehow ragged and your hair kind of messy. But I thought nothing of it and welcomed you… but you did not answer. I addressed you again…” Yui paused and Kyoko clenched her jaw. “… and then your face contorted into one of a mad woman, a fury, you started screaming so loud that the glass shattered, and it started to hurt. I took a step towards you, and then you… well, then you gave me _this_ ”, she touched the fading bruise. Kyoko winced again.

“Then your screams turned into something like ‘die die die die’ and you… well, not you, that woman, smashed the table with a vicious force more appropriate to a hulking man, not someone of your posture…” Yui paused and took another deep breath. “… and then she charged at me again. I regained enough composure to banish you – her – back to wherever she came from. And then, less than a minute later, you emerged from the woods.” She focused her gaze on Kyoko. “Initially, I thought I failed to banish the banshee, or that I succeeded but she came back… but then you spoke normally, and here we are”, she finished with a sigh.

Kyoko could find no words. _‘What? A deranged version of me? How? Some ‘id’ pulled from the depths? Some trauma? Or…’_

She paled once more, and the chill started to creep up her spine. The teacup dropped on the table, somehow avoiding shattering into pieces.

_‘Voices. Whispers. Vile thoughts, suicidal thoughts, the palpable presence…’_

“Oh. Gott. Natürlich”, she hid her face in her hands. “I’m so sorry, Ikari. I should’ve told you. I thought it was just me, just my imagination… I thought…”, a sob escaped her throat. She tried to say more; the words became lost between a desperate attempt not to burst into tears.

“Soryu”, a whisper reached her, soft but clear, strangely calming. “I can fix things here, it is all just superficial damage and, well, it is my creation anyway… but if there is something important you want to tell me, **please do it** ” Yui insisted. “Right now.”

Kyoko took a deep breath and held it for a moment; she tried to breath out calmly, but all she released was another sob.

“I…”, she shook her head, her eyes still closed. _‘Great. Now I’m giving a display of a broken mess in front of her. Just wonderful…’_ She clenched her jaw again and breathed in through the teeth. The breath out was ragged, but a little bit calmer.

“Slowly, Soryu”, Yui’s voice reached her, focused now instead of tense. “Tell me. I am **not** going to harm you. I know it was not you who attacked me.” The voice was not perfectly calm, but in comparison to Kyoko’s, it was positively tranquil. “But it did come instead of you, and it did wear your face. Thus, I must conclude, it is related to you somehow” Yui’s voice continued to be the guiding light in the turmoil that reigned in Kyoko’s head. “If it is a threat to you, we will handle it. But I must know **exactly** what we are dealing with.”

Kyoko focused more on the tone than on the words. It seemed to work, somehow. She kept breathing. It seemed to work as well. She was starting to calm down.

***

On the other side of the table, Yui Ikari was doing her best to exercise patience. She wanted to know what is going on, but she also perfectly knew that a single wrong word or any sign of impatience may send her interlocutor running or make her curl into a ball, spikes out. So she waited, despite herself.

“I…”, Kyoko tried again, her breath calmer. “I heard them. In the times between, when you sent me… back”, she confessed in a shaky voice. Yui slowly reached to touch Kyoko’s hand, but stopped mid-way, conflict visible on her face. Kyoko did not even notice. “They… the voices… the **voice** , it speaks of…”, Kyoko’s voice got louder, then broke down.

The wind was the only thing heard for a while. Then, Kyoko tried to speak up once more. “It hates me. It tells me to die, repeatedly, it- it tells me to kill myself, it wants **Asuka** to die, as well… it wants us to… to… to ‘die together’…”

She opened her eyes slowly and realised with some surprise her vision was blurry. She blinked several times only to become aware of the tears running down her cheeks. Her breath became uneven and ragged again. “I… I’m sorry, Ikari” she managed to blurt out between sobs. _‘_ _Wirklich; schöne, verfluchte Sauerei bin ich_ _…’_

Next thing she knew, she was on her feet, running.

***

_Elsewhere_

Doctor Ritsuko Akagi had always been a night owl – partially by her innate hatred towards mornings, partially by habit, and partially by the fact that at night, there was no one around to disrupt her research. She hated being interrupted and at night, NERV was a place of quiet.

She has also been a genius – that she never hid but also tried not to rub it into people’s faces. After all, it was obvious to anyone smart enough, and her achievements in her fields were unparalleled. She could write books – if she had time – or a subordinate she could use – to do that. And, of course, if half her work was not labelled ‘United Nations, Top Secret’.

The doctor was also a workaholic – this she vehemently denied, despite mounting evidence and overtime that easily made her job double-time. The fact she had to patch – she refused to call it a hack, it was too simple to deserve that term – the NERV worktime control system that kept sending her reminders to go home did not prove anything in her eyes. She simply considered it a dedication to the cause of saving humanity.

And there she was, with the night still young, carefully analysing another batch of data from the last Evangelion fight. The data were interesting for several reasons: the battle was a short one, Units ran entirely on batteries, and for the first time, all three of them were deployed – all this amounted to new conditions, new data, and possibly – new insights. It only needed her time, her genius, and her dedication to making use of them. Therefore, she gave all three in abundance.

Maya has been insistent on helping her, but while her assistance has proven invaluable on many matters, this was something she had to crack alone. Thus, she sent her kouhai home before 22:00 (with an insistence on her taking a taxi and paying her fare in advance), made herself another coffee, set all systems except the Angel alarm on silent, and got to work that was supposed to take most of the night.

***

_Inside Unit-01_

Kyoko’s vision was clouded; she was running virtually blind. Brambles were slowing her down, branches were hitting her body, she kept brushing against the trees. Is she stopped for a moment, she would realise her dress was already in tatters from the sharpness of the thorns and roughness of the bark.

She heard a distant voice but paid it no heed. There were words, yelled. She could not understand them.

Getting away from sight, staying away from the only person that has ever seen her in this broken state, keeping out of sight the only woman she now cared about, hiding until she recovered – it was all that mattered.

Thus, she kept running, paying no heed to the damage she was suffering from the environment.

***

Yui Ikari was sitting in her chair with a teacup in her hand and perplexed expression. She blinked slowly and took a deep breath.

Several seconds later, she let the breath out and blinked once more.

“Well. This is new.” She stated to no one in particular. The only person that could hear her has just jumped up with strength and dynamics that sent her chair back a few meters and dashed towards the treeline. Yui was still able to make out her silhouette between the trees, but it was not to last.

It seemed like Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu was on her way to establishing a new speed record in sprint running in the ‘disembodied soul’ category. Not that there was anyone to record it here, except Yui Ikari.

She finally put the teacup down, rose to her feet, sighed with resignation, and set out to find her guest.

***

“Soryu? Are you there? Soryu?” Yui raised her voice once she entered the forest. “Earth to base Zeppelin, do you copy?”

There was no answer this time.

Finding the path Kyoko took was easy, although ‘path’ would be a heavy understatement; she simply cut through the foliage – and she left an easily followed trail of broken branches and stripes of cloth hanging from them. Yui could not help but admire her – friend? companion? – tenacity. This has been some dense bush.

Yui suddenly stopped. She knew this place: she created it, after all. This area was not supposed to be passable – this was a dense wall of thorny bushes, something she created as a filler, without giving much attention to detail. They were still thorny, yes, but they all seemed to have been moved to the sides – just as if something literally replanted them in new places.

“Oh. My. I wonder…”

She looked further down the path, and her heart sped up. It looked even worse: some trees were moved out of the way as well. Finding Kyoko suddenly had higher stakes than just comforting her.

It could mean a difference between having a mildly redecorated mindscape – and the need to rebuild it from scratch.

***

_Elsewhere_

The clock in the lab was showing 00:25 when the Unit-02 monitor display turned yellow, then red. Soon after, monitors of Unit-01 entered the yellow range as well. The alerts were properly displayed – along with an icon of a slashed loudspeaker.

Doctor Ritsuko Akagi kept working in the peace she loved so much.

***

Kyoko kept running. Random thoughts were running through her head, none of them too coherent, perhaps except a detached voice telling her that hitting a tree or getting tangled in some thorns would not be a good thing. Fortunately for her, she seemed to have found some path through the trees and was not hitting anything; even the onslaught of thorns had ceased.

She kept running even when her lungs started to burn. Some stray thought told her this sensation could not be real, that it had to be a psychosomatic reaction… but she gave up on trying to make sense of working of her “body” here a while ago. She slowed down and tried to shake off the haze surrounding her mind.

_‘Wonderful, really great run, congratulations Soryu, you certainly broke **some** record. For instance, a record in making yourself look like a complete idiot in front of the single person who could take you seriously… some fine specimen of a human be-’_

A sudden loss of inertia, accompanied by splitting pain and sudden dizziness, has stopped her thoughts – and Kyoko herself – in their tracks. A single tree – a large oak – seemingly refused to yield to her unconscious desire not to hit anything.

She stumbled back, trying to regain her footing and orient herself. Both attempts ended in abject failure: with her balance lost and a lot of kinetic energy left from the collision, Kyoko’s body decided to take a seat in the most convenient place available: right where she stood, in front of the tree. She dropped to the ground down rather abruptly, right on her buttocks; she managed not to fall on her back only by last-moment use of her hands. Her head was spinning hard, and she absentmindedly noticed something starting to obscure her vision – and sting a little. She ran her hand over her forehead and stared at it when it came down wet – and dark red.

“Oh.”

***

Yui Ikari was running down the freshly-cleared path, her heart beating fast. The landscape was still around her, not turning to shreds and taters, and that gave her hope that the damage was not all that serious. _‘Still, any second, she may think something wrong, and then…’_ she shuddered. _‘Not to mention, even I don’t know what will happen when she reaches the border of the mindscape… There is a fence there, but I’m not betting on it stopping her. Stupid me, not removing the access rights’_ , she chided herself.

She reached the top of a small hill that for some reason was not levelled by Kyoko’s rampage. Staring down the path, she made out a figure – and saw the trees move aside from her. Kyoko was easily several hundred meters further down the forest.

_‘There is no chance in frozen hell I can reach her this way…’_ Yui realised. _‘She’ll reach the fence, and pierce it like a hot knife through butter, and then… I don’t even know what then.’_

A thought struck her, brilliant in its simplicity. She focused.

_‘Just the same one I was sitting under… listening to Teacher’s tales…’_

A huge oak tree appeared from nowhere right at the path of Kyoko’s run. Yui held it in place with all her will.

Moments later, the runaway guest was running no more but chose to take a seat in the foliage instead. Yui could not discern too well what was happening in the distance but knew well that a person in Kyoko’s state should not be alone. Taking only a short moment to recover her composure after exerting her will so suddenly and with that force, she rushed down the path.

She almost reached her before she heard a very disturbing sound from the direction she was heading to.

***

_‘Wasn’t this supposed to be inside of me?_ ’ Kyoko mused. She was distinctly aware that this red liquid was not supposed to come out of the body too often, not more often than every few weeks. _‘I can’t remember when was the last time I bled, though, I guess it was before I became a… soul.’_

Despite some headache, burning feeling in her lungs, pain in muscles, and a general feeling of exhaustion, Kyoko was feeling better than before the run. Her worries and her confusion felt as if they were behind a wall, or at least not too visible behind the fog that surrounded her. She felt… good. Tired, exhausted, pumped with adrenaline, bleeding, and still horrified by the revelation she experienced… and now horribly embarrassed by what she just did.

Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu reacted in a single possible way she could react to this wonderful combo.

She threw her head back started to laugh loudly.

***

Several meters from Kyoko, Yui Ikari stopped rather suddenly and blinked in a mix of confusion and terror. The person sitting in front of the great oak certainly wore the face of Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu: there was no doubt about it.

But she was also dressed in tattered remnants of a Regency dress with a fair amount of period-appropriate underwear showing between the torn fabric, her face was covered in fresh blood that was still seeping from her head, and she was cackling like a maniac, her eyes bulged and face hysterical.

She did not exactly resemble the lady Yui was used to be having her tea with. She was looking eerily similar to one that assaulted her, to one she banished not long ago. Yui pondered the situation for a long moment.

Then she took a step forward.

“Soryu?”

For a moment, she feared the disturbing figure in front of her would simply turn her head 180° to look at her. To her relief – and surprise – Kyoko merely stopped the manic cackle and fell on her back before focusing her eyes on Yui. It helped to ease the worrying impression only to a small degree, though.

“Yees, Ikaaarii?” she asked with a smile that looked disturbing both by its nature and by the virtue of being upside-down. “How can I heelp you? I apoooologise for my appearance. I think I ran into **some** trouble” Kyoko stated with a strangely cheerful voice. _‘At least she doesn’t sound like the banshee… not right, yes, but at least it’s not a demented scream… Small blessings.’_

Yui slowly took another step towards Kyoko. The first diagnosis she thought of ‘she hit her head and is now confused, likely in shock’. The problem was this was her mindscape, and Kyoko was a disembodied soul in a shell that only superficially resembled a human body. On the other hand, they were keeping up the pretence of having normal bodies… so she might have even convinced herself she was injured.

_‘I think I overdid it with the immersion… and I should’ve used a net instead of a huge oak tree’_ , Yui realised. The hindsight was, as usual, perfect.

“Taake a seat, Ikaaari. There’s pleenty of place foor us boooth under this tree”, Kyoko continued with the same worrying expression. “I wondeer where it came from?” she refocused her gaze on the oak for a moment. Yui – who had just circled Kyoko and was standing in front of her now – decided that being upside-down did not affect the smile too much: it was pretty disturbing on its own. Still, she ignored that tiny voice that told her to run; Kyoko was the reason she came here, after all, and she seemed to be herself… even if she a little bit off right now. _‘Well, more than a little, I guess…’_

“Soryu… are you all right?” Yui asked, only to bite her tongue in realisation this was most likely the dumbest question she ever asked, topping even ‘are you sure this is reasonably safe?’ asked while she was climbing to Eva Core.

“Fine. Fine and daaandy, Ikaari”, Kyoko replied with the same cheerful voice. “I just… I… ran away from the altar, was brutally beaten down by a tree, and…” she grit her teeth and a far more determined, grim voice took over. “And I think I am going insane. Fine and dandy, as always, no reason to worry about me at all.”

***

Kyoko tried to keep talking, but she found her throat clenched and uncooperative. She shut her eyes tight, feeling tears pooling.

_‘Hello, darkness, my old friend…’_

A warm hand suddenly grasping her own jolted her back to reality. Her own skin was cold; the hand touching her felt like red-hot steel, burning every nerve. For a moment, her reflexes told her to bolt, to run again, to hide somewhere. She pushed this reaction down with notable effort of will and squeezed the burning hand instead. Her eyes, still shut, filled with tears even faster.

“Ikari…” she all managed to get out through the clenched throat.

“Shhhh… don’t speak, Soryu. Just… breathe” Yui’s voice was barely above a whisper.

***

Yui was not exactly skilled in assisting injured people, not beyond first aid training anyone working in a high-risk laboratory would be – she simply knew how to keep someone alive until the paramedics arrived, but she was not exactly knowledgeable on how to fix the physical damage she saw. On the other hand, she was capable of influencing the local environment in an almost unlimited number of ways, so she did the simplest thing she could think of: she produced a bowl of warm water and a soft cloth. She then put them to use, slowly and in a slightly awkward manner; using one hand limited her agility, but she was quite aware that Kyoko would not let go of her other hand.

***

Kyoko relished in the careful touch and the prolonged silence; it gave her a measure of comfort, something to focus on to avoid thinking of what just happened. Her breath was slowly returning to normal. Nonetheless, the pooled tears kept trickling through corners of her eyes, seeping into the ground. Her jaw remained clenched as well, and her hands were slowly and involuntarily curling into fists.

_‘I mustn’t run away…’_

***

It was 3:24. Doctor Ritsuko Akagi just finished debugging the last script she intended to process the battle data with. She ran the final check on the test data, sighed contently when the results came back passable, and uploaded the code to the mainframe. Few typed commands later, the script was running, its output redirected to a file; with the mainframe’s processing power, all the scripts should provide result by noon.

She stretched and yawned. The final part of the work was done on pure determination, as she ran out of the coffee an hour ago. All she wanted now was to go to bed. She even entertained a thought of sleeping in a bit and late in the morning.

Reaching the door, she turned the lights off and took the last look at the room’s screens; she was perfectly familiar with each single of them, able to notice most details at a glance even when tired or distracted. And yet, she stood in the doorway for a good few seconds before a short, loud curse cut the air as she rushed to the Cages monitoring station.

***

An eternity passed from Kyoko’s perspective. The hand holding her own and burning her skin, the softest touch cleaning her wound, the sudden peace of the forest – she clung to all of this for relief, for assurance. It almost worked.

“Soryu…” a soft voice came in the darkness, a familiar voice, a caring voice. “Can you hear me? Can you understand me?”

Her eyes were still closed, and she had difficulty speaking up, as if some force was holding her lips shut. But she could nod.

“Good” the voice was focused. “I… Can you rise? Sit?”

An outside listener would have easily noticed that the calm in Yui’s voice sounded forced. But Kyoko was in no condition to make that observation; she was focused on her own state. She pondered her condition for a moment. She was not exactly in pain, she merely felt dizzy, a little bit exhausted, more than a bit stupid – and somewhat sore. Therefore, she saw no reason not to try to sit up.

The sudden increase in dizziness, not to mention amount of effort this simple step took made her realise that this was not the best idea: she was exhausted far more than just a little bit. The only thing that stopped her from falling back was the supporting arm at her back. “I… I-Ikari… I’m not…” she managed to stutter out in a strange, husky voice.

Something touched her lips, something cold and wet. It took her a moment of frozen bewilderment to realise this was water. Cold, wonderfully tasting liquid filled her mouth; she knew that drinking greedily would end badly, but she could not stop herself. Few coughs and gasps later, she managed to actually drink.

“You’ll be fine, I promise. Take your time, and when you’re ready, I’ll take you home” Yui’s soft and calming voice kept talking from the darkness.

She rolled the idea in her head. “Home…”

***

The high activity alerts were still there, waiting for someone’s attention, silent as they were for the last three hours. Ritsuko suddenly felt very cold – the facts were quickly burning paths in her consciousness: she just missed something serious about Evangelions, and possibly even dangerous. She has just made a very basic mistake, a mistake that would certainly be a firing offence in her team.

Her first thought was to erase any trace of the alarms – she was MAGI’s admin, she knew the system intimately, she could do it. This thought was followed by several other: the logical _‘to do that would mean losing the information’_ , the emotional _‘that’s coward’s thinking’_ , the pragmatic _‘if this stays on the record, Commander may have my head’,_ and socially-motivated _‘and I will never be able to keep my own in line’_. As those thoughts raced, a calm voice of the reason told her to act with accord with the scientific method: gather more information and make an informed choice based on the results. The morning shift did not start in two and half an hour: plenty of time to decide and execute the decision.

As a woman of science and reason, she listened to that voice; she decided to investigate, by herself, in the middle of the night, in the dark Cages that held the most horrifying creatures that humanity has ever created. After all, there was nothing to fear there. The monsters were asleep.

***

The sun was slowly setting over the mansion, still visible over the treeline, but close to sinking beneath it. Two silhouettes were visible on a path that looked like a creation of an insane garden designer who somehow managed to force the trees to grow against their nature – far too close, their branches intertwined, their coronas tangled. From a distance, the two figures looked normal in comparison: two ladies taking a casual stroll.

But if the observing party came closer, a slightly different image would be painted. They indeed were walking with their arms locked, but this was only to prevent one of them from falling. Their dresses also left a lot to wish for in terms of their condition: one had hers soiled with earth and some blood – and the other had her nearly destroyed, and what was left of it was bloody and dirty. They were walking carefully, step by step, trying their best not to make any sudden movements.

Kyoko was aware of the world around her once again; the moment she decided it is a good idea to open her eyes, she saw Yui’s face – focused, worried, with her lips tight. This expression was quickly replaced by a small smile. Kyoko did her best to reply in kind.

They took to the path Kyoko created, trying to ignore the damage she caused. After a while, Kyoko began to perceive the silence as increasingly awkward, unpleasant, unwanted.

“Ikari…” Kyoko began, her voice husky. She cleared her throat. “I… I was wondering about a thing”, she managed when they were close to the end of the forest.

“Mm? What is it?”

“This”, she pointed out to a bird feeder that stood just between the first trees, barely visible from the grass field. “I thought it was some glitch when I came here today, and I wanted to ask you about it, but then…” she paused with a sigh. “Then things started to happen. Why is it here… and why are cookies in it?”

Yui stopped. In a corner of her eye, Kyoko noticed her ears turning red. Suddenly, she felt guilty for some unfathomable reason.

“Soryu… I’ll explain later. I promise. Now, let’s get home and get us- get you settled down. I’m afraid things may get worse if we don’t.”

Kyoko blinked for a moment, then relented, too tired to press on. “Of course, Ikari”, she smiled weakly.

She missed the discreet sigh of relief.

***

Ritsuko Akagi entered the Cages pushing the hastily-assembled cart of monitoring equipment. She was aware that without her kouhai to assist her, this was going to be an arduous task – but this could not wait until Maya’s arrival, not if she wanted to have answers for the Commander in the morning. And she was sure he would learn sooner or later if she did not erase the records meticulously.

The Cages were dark, as usual. Lighting such space all the time would be expensive, after all, and very little happened here outside experiments, maintenance, and combat deployments. Only sources of light were the red and orange lines, designed to mark the potentially dangerous spots.

_‘If they were to be truthful, the whole room should be glowing a megawatt orange light from all walls’_ , a bitter thought struck her. _‘We treat those beasts as they were our tanks, our battle machines, while in truth, they are alien gods, half-lobotomised and held on a tight leash. Gods help us if they ever awake from their slumber and learn how to bite that leash off…’_

She approached Unit-02 and began to unload her equipment. In the heavy, cold silence that permeated the Cages, another whispered curse cut the air: the readings were back to normal. Whatever anomaly caused it was most likely long gone, a chance to investigate it missed.

_‘I don’t know what I was counting on’_ , she sighed, exposing more of the core and attaching additional equipment. The initial readings confirmed the preliminary scan: the monster was asleep. Whatever nightmare plagued it was over; it seemed even more docile than usual.

Ritsuko started a pre-programmed diagnostic cycle and sat on the ground with a heavy sigh, her back against the Unit-02 foot. _‘I could use a cigarette now’_ , she sighed, realising she left the pack on the desk and at the same time feeling the adrenaline rush from the alerts release its grasp on her. As it receded, weariness was the only thing that remained.

The diagnostic system kept beeping softly, signalling successive steps on the checklist; it calmed her, somewhat, as a familiar sound should. Ritsuko closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

***

Kyoko Soryu was comfortable; she was lying on a soft surface, dressed in simple and comfortable clothing, covered by a warm blanket that smelled of freshness. She was dimly aware of what situation brought her here, but it all seemed rather distant. She was aware there were decisions to make, problems to solve, battles to fight… but it did not matter at the moment. The ceiling was not very familiar, but it was in a familiar style, a style used by the place she was slowly coming to think of as home. Familiar, homely sounds of clanking cutlery reached her. _‘Must be Ikari… did she arrange all this?’_ she pondered. _‘If so, I wonder why does she care about me so much…’_

She smiled to herself. Whatever the reason, it felt good.

***

_Indistinct shapes coalesce in the darkness. She is running, but she cannot tell where to… or what from. The stairs, endless stairs, steps, doors, stairs, hallways, stairs…_

_It is getting darker and darker, she can barely make out what is in front of her. Suddenly, she notices the floor ending abruptly, she hits a waist-high barrier. In the darkness before her, two pairs of green eyes light up._

***

A sudden jolt brought Ritsuko Akagi to consciousness; her heart was racing and her mind was confused. It took her a few long seconds to realise she was still in the Cages. She blinked the sleep away, rose groggily, and gazed at the diagnostic system. Automated diagnosis sequence confirmed previous two scans: there was nothing going on inside: the monster was sleeping a dreamless sleep. Reminding herself of the last shreds of the dream, she looked up; the head of Unit-02 loomed in the darkness, inactive, its eyes perfectly dark. She shivered, half from the memory, half from the actual cold. There was little reason to keep the Cages heated.

She knew she should change the connections and run another sequence, and then another, and then another… all this to perform a full diagnostic, to make sure there was nothing left. Then, move to Unit-01 and do the same. Then, to be sure and get some measure of baseline readings, move to Unit-00 and…

She shook her head tiredly and disconnected the wiring from the Core. Restoring its shielding followed several minutes later. The single sequence would have to do – after all, her only real chance to observe the anomaly was lost. She gritted her teeth once more.

Once the whole diagnostic equipment was back in the cart, she pushed it to the neighbouring Cage. Unit-01 awaited her attention.

***

“Hello Soryu, welcome among the living once more”, Yui Ikari entered the living room with a tray filled with food – pound cake, toast, butter, and eggs suddenly made Kyoko realise she was still feeling a little weak – and certainly hungry. The internal doubts on how was that possible when she was a soul embodied in a giant alien cyborg were shoved aside once more in face of a possible feast. She smiled at Yui and rose from her bed. A half-conscious check – and a look down – reassured her she was decent enough for the occasion. Having removed the worry about scandalising her host from her mind, she rushed to the table.

Yui set the tray down between them. “I am happy to see you better, Soryu” she spoke up, smiling a soft smile. “I was… worried yesterday.”

Kyoko blinked. “Yesterday? Was I…”

Yui shook her head. “Metaphorically. Day/night cycle, just as time here, is just part of the mindscape. I let your local body rest… while your actual body was poked and prodded.”

Kyoko stopped chewing on a delicious toast and stared at Yui with a confused expression. Yui chuckled, prompting a slightly hurt look from Kyoko.

“I’m sorry”, Yui said in an amused voice. “You don’t look very… intelligent now. I’m sorry”, she collected herself while Kyoko resumed consumption. “There is something happening in the Cages, and judging from the fact that currently, my Core is being exposed and probed… I assume we did draw attention with the recent events.”

Kyoko’s expression, quite cheerful until now, turned dark. “You mean, with my freak-out and brutal remodelling of your garden?” she asked in a half half-brooding, half-bitter voice.

Yui sighed softly. “Soryu”, she started, then paused. “Garden, or actually the forest, can be fixed. You survived, I survived, we are fine. Judging from doctor Akagi’s face and apparent mood, she didn’t find much from poking and prodding your Core. It stands to reason that the readings were rather flat when you were asleep.”

Kyoko nodded, not sure what to say. She took another bite.

“So, I think this time, we got lucky. It could’ve been much worse” Yui continued. “And for what it is worth… I am sorry”, Yui finished, looking Kyoko straight in the eye.

Kyoko blinked. “For… what?” she asked, confusion in her voice.

Yui shook her head. “I… For misunderstanding. For almost getting you killed. For causing this… attention”, she replied in almost a whisper.

_‘She’s not saying everything she wants to…’_ Kyoko realised. She was no expert on psychology, but it seemed clear even to her. ‘ _Maybe if I poke a bit…’_

She stopped herself just before reaching to Yui, reminding herself there was a scientist with some quite sensitive equipment right at Yui’s Core; any emotional spike could arouse suspicion and cause serious damage.

“Apology… accepted, Ikari. Even if I insist there is nothing to be sorry for.”

Yui smiled. “Thank you”, she replied in a soft voice and reached for the teapot.

“Tea?”

“With pleasure.”

***

The diagnostic sequence on Unit-01 took far too long for Ritsuko’s taste. Of course, this was objectively incorrect – the sequences took a fixed amount of time, barring minor variances – but subjectively it felt like an eternity.

She was doing her best not to fall asleep – a chance of another nightmare was too great. Not that staying awake was much better – Ritsuko was quickly becoming aware how thin the veneer of rationalism she clung to was.

Purely on the rational level, she knew all the creaks she heard were countless metal joints contracting and relaxing from temperature changes. She was aware the soft rattles coming from air ducts were most likely sounds of maintenance crews, amplified by the system – or some small animal that has strayed into the facility and tried to find its way out. She could tell that a hiss that doubled her heart rate for a few seconds and made her feel really stupid came from a routine pressure reduction in Cage frame mobility system.

Purely on the rational level, her mind could tell that. But this was not a time or place where the rational part of her mind reigned supreme. The barely lit room was ominous, and every sound could be a threat. Her lizard brain was screaming at her to _run_. The fact that she felt watched by Unit-01, against all logic, against all she knew about this slumbering giant – did not help.

She welcomed the final _beep_ of the sequence with a loud sigh; the fact that nothing was found was welcomed with a mix of subdued anger at herself and deep relief. Disconnecting the equipment and re-armouring she did in record time. After a few minutes, the silent sound of the cart tires was indicating Ritsuko’s departure.

Unit-01 would smile if she would be able to. Its soul certainly felt like it.

***

“You’re quite happy, considering the circumstances, Ikari”, Kyoko remarked while cracking a soft-boiled egg open. “Not that I mind, of course, just wondering why.”

“Ah”, Yui smiled. “I think we’ll have… less visits from our dear Dr Akagi from now on. I think she might even develop a minor phobia regarding our bodies.”

Kyoko blinked, silver spoon in her hand. “What?”

“Never mind”, Yui smile widened as she reached for the pound cake. “The inspection is over and wasn’t even a full diagnostic cycle. I wonder what she will tell my widower in the morning”, she chuckled.

Kyoko frowned, then shook her head. “Ikari… hearing you call him ‘your widower’ is still strange.”

“Well… it’s not a label people use under normal circumstances, of course, but I find it the most fitting. After all, I am sort-of dead, thus he is sort-of widowed. I know, I know, he used to talk to me, but many people monologue at their loved ones’ graves, right?” Yui finished with a smile that was slightly out of place considering the subject.

“Well… if you put it that way…” Kyoko chuckled.

***

It was 5:45 when Ritsuko Akagi finished acting on the information she collected. It took her less than an hour to collect the – incomplete, but still useful – data from Unit-02 and Unit-01. Using them to confirm nothing was happening anymore took mere minutes. But making a decision was not that quick, nor was it painless.

She did purge the logs, only to restore them from a manual backup she made. She was half-way in ensuring she restored it correctly when she decided to purge them again. And restore them once more. Then, she took a ten-minute break to scream internally. Then, she purged the logs once more and took another ten-minutes pause to berate herself her own lack of spine.

Then she restored them again, before taking a final pause, rationalising that admitting this error would benefit absolutely no one and she has to keep it silent for the good of the project. Then, she deleted the manual backup and combed the system logs properly for the records in both primary and the control logs, erased every single indicator and replaced them with ALL NORMAL indicators in appropriate intervals, with timestamps that had millisecond lags appropriate to the time of the day. The records that indicated that alerts were silenced disappeared as well.

The diagnostic equipment was simpler, and thus quicker, to take care of – she simply deleted the most recent session from them without ever connecting them to MAGI; those things did not have redundant storage.

Once done, she left a note to her staff, informing them that she will be coming to the work late tomorrow due to specific circumstances concerning the MAGI; after all she had done, this was not even a lie. At the end of the note, she added a request not to wake her unless there was an Angel attack. The fact that the note had a MAGI-confirmed timestamp of 5:53 added to its believability.

Back in her NERV-provided apartment, Ritsuko Akagi was silencing the gnawing of her conscience with a heavy dose of liquor. She was dimly aware that drinking a 12-year old whisky just to get drunk was wasteful, but this was the least of her sins and errors today.

She was glad her apartment was soundproofed. Otherwise, someone could get an impression Geofront really was haunted.

***

Kyoko smiled at her reflection. One thing she learned to influence without much problem was her attire – it was simple enough, and she had some idea how tailoring worked – contrary to, for example, how exactly a forest should act.

This is why the task she was presented mere minutes later, a deceptively simple one, felt somehow daunting.

“I am to do… what?” she asked, a hint of panic in her voice.

“Move the trees back where they belong. More or less, of course, this is not an exercise in minute precision”, Yui smiled at her.

They were back in the spot where yesterday chase began, at the treeline. A path of forcibly moved trees started nearby, an unpleasant reminder of her loss of control.

“Are you sure this is safe?” she inquired.

Yui sighed. “Soryu, there is nothing you should worry about. If something goes wrong, don’t panic, I will correct it.”

“Should we not be looking for a way to… fix my… problem?” she tried.

“We will”, Yui replied with angelic patience. “But to do that, I must make sure your control over the environment is sufficient in a normal emotional state as well”, she sighed. “I promise you, once we are done here – and no, I am not going to make you fix the whole path, this is not a punishment, this is an exercise – I will tell you how we may try to fix you. Trust me. Please.” The last word was almost a whisper.

Kyoko nodded, lacking a counterargument to such a request. She took a few steps towards the shifted trees. _‘I did this effortlessly last time. How hard can it be?’_ she pondered and focused on the trees.

***

It was 11:30 in the NERV HQ. The day was as any other, except some people wondered why Doctor Ritsuko Akagi was absent. Those that dared to ask questions were pointed to the note Ritsuko left and list of processes user _akagir_ left running on the MAGI.

Nothing unusual was happening, and the lack of their superior – not to mention absence of Commander Ikari – was causing a surprisingly relaxed atmosphere.

This came to an abrupt end when seismic alerts indicated something happening south of India.

***

Yui Ikari slowly opened one eye. She expected to see a wide range of things, starting with ‘no change’ to ‘massive conglomeration of trees with Soryu’s body embedded in them’. What she did not expect was to see a tree moved to the middle of the path and Kyoko slowly circling it, as if looking for something.

“Soryu?” she probed.

“Ah. Yes”, Kyoko snapped back. “I think it worked. I’m not sure it’s the right spot, though.”

Yui blinked. “No matter, it’s not a… garden design… can you reproduce that result?” she inquired, interest clear in her voice.

“I… believe so. But please stand back. I’d rather not hit you in the face with a tree”, Kyoko smiled.

A blush crept up Yui’s face. She could not find a reply to that, so she just took a step back, keeping her eyes open this time.

Kyoko was focusing visibly, but no tree moved for a full minute. Yui closed her eyes and sighed deeply. This was not going well, to her regret.

“Finally, this one was far harder”, she heard Kyoko’s voice.

Yui’s eyes shot open. Another tree was indeed in its correct place. A strange thought appeared in her mind.

“Soryu. I want to test a hypothesis. Could you start moving the trees, once you succeed, move to the next one, until I ask you to stop?”

Kyoko blinked. “Sure… but if I drop of exhaustion, I am counting on your soft hand in caring for me”, she requested with a smile.

Yui’s blush returned. Fortunately for her, Kyoko has already turned her attention back to the task at hand. Yui shook her head. It was time to test her hypothesis. She focused on the trees.

Nothing moved. She closed her eyes, counted to ten, and reopened them.

Two trees were in different places. She counted to ten again, while nothing moved, and then closed them once more.

When she opened them about a minute later, far more trees were in place, but Kyoko was leaning against one of them.

“Soryu, are you all right?” she rushed to her.

“Yes…” she replied with heavy breath. “Just winded. This takes more out of me than I thought. I guess you’re more… experienced, or it’s just the result of this being your place”, she commented between breaths.

Yui shook her head. “It took me countless days to create all this, you know. You can stop now, I know all I need to know about your abilities. And I think this changes my idea a little bit.”

Kyoko looked at her quizzically. “Could you elaborate?”

“Over tea and crumpets, all right?”

“No protest from me here”, Kyoko smiled.

***

“Now that’s just ridiculous”, Misato Katsuragi added, staring at the screen presenting a large, three-eyed shape in orbit. “Where’s Ritsuko? I could use her expertise here.”

“She requested not to be disturbed unless there is an Angel attack, ma’am”, Hyuga reported.

“I don’t know about you, but I think this condition has been fulfilled…” Misato replied in a dry voice, her eyes still glued to the screen. Hyuga nodded sheepishly and rushed to the intercom station.

“Closing on target”, a report came in.

Seconds later, two of the observation satellites turned to shreds.

***

Yui Ikari poured the tea and handed the cup to her guest. This term was slowly starting to become inaccurate, of course, as Kyoko spent far more time in Unit-01 than in her own… but Yui preferred not to think about it too much.

“And now, Soryu, please describe everything you experienced in your Unit. I must have a complete image before I suggest something that might very well result in your demise. Take your time, I know this is not an easy subject.”

Kyoko winced at the memories that were evoked by the first thought about what was inside Unit-02. “Yes, Ikari, of course. I will try my best.” She took a deep breath. “It began soon after you sent me back the first time after we met…”

***

Ritsuko Akagi stumbled in the doorway leading to the command centre. The lights were definitely too bright, and the sounds were positively murderous.

“Akagi-sempai, are you all right?” Maya noticed her and rushed to aid her.

“I’m fin-I’m fine, don’t worry”, she replied in a weak voice.

“Sempai, you sleep far too little”, Maya whispered in a disapproving voice. “You-“

“I look like shit, I know”, Ritsuko replied acidly. “What’s going on?”

“I-“ Maya stammered.

“Report”, Ritsuko cut Maya’s reply attempt.

“An Angel has appeared above the Indian Ocean and is dropping… things… on the surface. And it’s coming closer.” Misato interjected, turning towards Ritsuko. A moment of surprise on Misato’s face, followed by the short visage of anger, followed by a perfectly professional mask of composure told Ritsuko everything she needed to know about her own appearance – and scale of her failure.

_‘Great. I wonder what else will go wrong today’_ was her last thought before she focused on the situation at hand.

***

Yui Ikari contemplated what she just heard in silence.

“So, there is another… presence, perhaps another soul in your Unit”, she finally concluded.

Kyoko nodded, her face still focused. “It is certainly a presence; it speaks my voice, and it looks like me, but this could be just a projection, a reflection. I’m not sure about it being a soul. I’m here, aren’t I? Or maybe… Could it be that my Contact Experiment, well, cloned my soul somehow?”

Yui shook her head. “As far as I know, souls cannot be cloned, at least not easily. Just as you cannot accidentally clone a human or an Evangelion, right? Even if you leave a growing cell cluster in a nourishing solution, without proper guidance and added stimuli it will just grow into a useless lump of flesh. Cloning is a complex, unnatural and thus difficult process. No. Whatever it is, it might have simply taken a semblance of you, it might be a doppelgänger of sorts. But why, and how, this is beyond me.”

“Could it be some shard, a piece of my mind? I’m not a psychologist, but could it be a form of… schizophrenia?”

“Multiple personalities, if we’d be talking actual mental illness”, Yui corrected. “But I find this unlikely. Unless it **was** you, and you just don’t remember being here yesterday.”

Kyoko shook her head. “I know people can experience a blackout like that, but I don’t think there is anything that would trigger it… on the other hand… I don’t know, Ikari. I really don’t know”, she sighed. “I’m sorry.”

She felt a touch on her hand again. “Soryu. I said I will help you, and I will. Now. We are both scientists, right?” Kyoko nodded in reply; Yui continued. “And this is a problem to solve. It does not matter that it is essentially supernatural – metaphysical biology made supernatural measurable and quantifiable… more or less. So, what do we do?” she smiled.

Kyoko blinked. “We approach it in a scientific way. Is that what you have in mind?”

Yui smile grew wider. “Yes.”

“All right. So… what is your plan?” Kyoko inquired. For a moment, there was no answer. “Ikari?”

“Something is going out outside. Please give me a moment” Yui replied in absent voice and closed her eyes. She did not notice Kyoko’s face turning pale.

***

“There is an Angel… and we are being deployed” Yui stated, opening her eyes. “We’ll have to finish this conversation some time later-“

She finally noticed Kyoko’s expression. “Soryu?”

“I am **not** going back there, Ikari” Kyoko’s voice was deceptively calm, but her face betrayed growing panic. “Last time it almost managed to drown me, and there is no guarantee now it is me who will come back.”

Yui closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and slowly opened them again; they were gleaming dangerously, and her jaw was clenched.

“Soryu. This is your choice, yes, and you are more than welcome to stay here; even if I cannot guarantee your safety should I get killed” Yui’s voice was still calm, but it was getting firmer with every word. “But if you don’t go back to your Eva soon, your daughter will fight alone, likely with minimal synchronisation; she will be lucky is she will be able to walk properly. And that means she **will die**.” Anger was also slowly seeping into her voice, and Kyoko’s face started to display conflict. “If she dies, will you ever be able to forgive yourself?”

Kyoko looked as if she was punched in the gut; her face was pale, her eyes showed shock.

Yui grabbed her arms. “You’re stronger than you think. You’ve been through the fire and dark waters. You **will** prevail now. Then I will find you and pull you back. And then we will solve this problem once and for all.”

_‘Her hands are so warm…’_ Kyoko realised, feeling the heat seeping into her soul. She nodded, weakly.

“You are her strength, she needs you. She needs you to keep her fire burning. Go there and stand with her.”

Kyoko took a deep breath and nodded with far more conviction.

“Go.”

Kyoko turned quickly, took a step towards the treeline and disappeared from sight.

***

“Hello darkness, my old friend”, she said aloud in the featureless void. This time, the tone was far more defiant.

_‘To die you came, welcome friend, die with me’_ came the all-too-familiar voice. Kyoko felt the cold slowly envelop her, as if she stood in slowly rising water. She shivered and clenched her fists.

“If you are what I think you are, you will help me”, Kyoko stated firmly despite the growing cold; the water was knee-deep already.

_‘Die with me, we will be together, she will die with us, we will all be together, one happy family in Heaven’_ the voice beckoned, like a melody, like a siren song that promised peace.

“You will not drown me again. **I** will not be drowned again. Kyoko Zeppelin Soryu, **you will help me** ” Kyoko raised her voice and felt a tinge of satisfaction when the presence hesitated. The waters stopped to rise.

_‘My name, so long ago. My name, how do you know it?’_ The voice was almost childlike in its curiosity.

Kyoko winced. The loneliness radiating from the void was almost palpable.

***

 “Can’t progress with activation, something is blocking the third stage!” reported Maya Ibuki. “Unit-02 not clear!”

“Are you telling me I can’t get out there?” Asuka shouted angrily.

“We’re working on it, stand by!” Misato interjected.

***

Kyoko was staring into the void.

“I know who you are. I know what happened. I will find you, and I will help you, but only if you help me win this one, **now** ”, Kyoko shouted in the void. “Or at least stay out of my way and let me fight!”

The hesitation was overwhelming for a moment. It took a few long moments before-

***

Ritsuko frowned. “Ugh. We have no choice. Maya, cancel the start-up seq-“

“Sempai, wait! Something is-“

***

The waters suddenly drained and the void receded. A soft, if chilling, ‘ _find me please’_ was its parting message.

Kyoko shivered. _‘Wonderful. Did I just make a pact with this… **thing**? Did I just promise it something? And didn’t it just confirm to be **me**?’_

The familiar dual-sight appeared, breaking her train of thought; Asuka was inside the Plug, tense and confused.

“Third stage active, Evangelion Unit-02 is responding correctly!”, voice Kyoko could identify as ‘Maya’, the assistant that worked with Doctor Akagi, shouted with noticeable relief. “Unit-02 clear!”

“Finally, perhaps we will not all die today”, the voice of Doctor Akagi herself, clearly tired, interjected. “All yours, Misato.”

“All ready?” face of Misato Katsuragi, the woman apparently in command of the operation, showed up in the comm system.

“Ready now, Misato”, Asuka confirmed, her voice confirming the tension Kyoko was observing. Ikari boy confirmed in a similar voice, while the pilot of Unit-00 replied in her usual, flat voice.

_‘Something’s not quite right’_ , decided Kyoko. _‘Asuka was always eager to go into battle, why the doubt now?’_

“Commence deployment.”

The sudden acceleration of the rail lift gave Kyoko a moment of queasiness. She was used to most moves performed by her Eva now, but this sudden acceleration and equally sudden deceleration was something she still had trouble handling. Fortunately, they did not charge into battle immediately. They were deployed across a wide area and were clearly waiting for something.

Channel 8 cracked with static and voice of Yui Ikari came in.

“How are you holding, Soryu?” came a concerned question. “I heard something was wrong with your start…”

Kyoko took a deep breath. “Better than anticipated, actually. The delay was me talking with… my other tenant. I think I either created a problem or started a solution. Or both. Will have to discuss that with you once we’re done here… what are we exactly supposed to do here?”

“Look up.”

“Oh.”

A growing fire streak was clearly visible even on the daytime sky.

“From what I’ve gathered, we’re supposed to catch it”, Yui commented. “And yes, it is likely an Angel. Don’t ask me about details, I know very little. I guess command does not know more. One thing: can you fight, despite the… trouble?”

“Yes. Don’t worry. And…”, Kyoko hesitated. “Thank you.”

“You’ll thank me in person. Focus on not getting killed, all right?” The last part came across as delivered with a smile.

***

“Distance is approximately 25000”

“Here it comes. All Evas, start positions”, Katsuragi ordered. Unit-02 dropped to one knee in response, ready for a running start.

“All we have is a roughly estimated trajectory from optical sight-“

“Oh. Shit”, Doctor Akagi’s voice came in the background, loaded with dread.

“What is it?” Katsuragi turned her attention to her.

“This… I… MAGI estimates have changed…” Ritsuko’s voice betrayed she was on a verge of panic. There was a moment of silence as comms were cut.

Asuka tensed visibly. Kyoko once more wished she could reach to her right now.

Twenty seconds have passed.

“They’re taking too long”, channel 8 crackled with Yui’s calm, focused voice. “I’m directing us based on visuals.”

“Are you sure? How…” Kyoko was staring at the fireball in the sky.

“There is little choice, Soryu”, Yui responded solemnly. “They made some serious mistake, I think, and can’t compensate on the fly; they’re too dependent on the computers. Follow me once Shinji marks the spot; I’ll guide him in the right direction as subtly as I can.”

“I hope you know what you’re doing, Ikari.”

“So do I. Give me a moment.”

***

“Misato?” Shinji prodded over the comms, his voice carried a tone of uncertainty.

“Stand by”, came a reply from Katsuragi. Her voice was shaking perceptibly.

“It’s going to hit soon, we can’t wait!” Shinji’s voice was growing unusually stern.

“Stand by”, the reply was even shakier. _‘Ikari is right, they can’t compensate for the error… what has happened?’_

“Damn it! It’s coming closest to me! I’m taking the lead!” Shinji shouted over the comms, at the same time starting to run towards the growing fireball. Even from the distance, Kyoko felt the vibrations of the ground caused by giant leaps taken by Unit-01.

“Finally, for once…”, Asuka spoke up in vitriolic tone as she ejected the umbilical cable from Unit-02 and started her own run scant two seconds later. Kyoko stifled a giggle. _‘Did something happen in the meantime, daughter? Something you’d like to tell me?’_

An unclear image of Shinji sitting in some public place was the only, subconscious answer; she had no time to dwell on it before Shinji reacted in an annoyed voice: “What was that supposed to mean?” he asked, still running.

“That you could man up once in a whi-“ Asuka tried to reply, only to be cut by angry voice of Misato Katsuragi.

“Shinji! Asuka! What are you doing?”

_‘Compensating for someone’s incompetence’_ , a semi-amused, semi-annoyed thought came to Kyoko. She subdued it quickly; this was no time for petty jabs.

“Misato, I see where it will hit, trust me!”, Shinji replied with uncharacteristic certainty. _‘She is guiding him, of course… so much for “being discreet and careful”, right, Ikari?’_

“Major Katsuragi, your orders?” came a communique from Unit-00, Rei Ayanami’s showing hints of confusion.

“Damn it”, came a barked reply, followed by a few seconds of silence. “Rei, assist them. Shinji, I rely on your judgement.”

“Roger that”, Rei and Shinji replied in near-unison.

“Misato!” in Ritsuko’s voice was the last sound that came from the command centre before comms were cut again.

Unit-00 started its sprint towards the point Unit-01 had marked on the map.

***

The command centre was silent, save for the beeps of the machinery and single voice calling the distance.

“Distance 12000… Distance 10000… Distance 8000…”

Eyes of every single person were glued to the screens that indicated the Angel position, re-calculated by the MAGI after input data corrections, and the positions of the Evangelions. The staff knew they could equally well be calling seconds until their deaths. They were not able to assist the pilots in any way.

Ritsuko Akagi was sitting at her station, her face hidden in her hands. She was well aware that while none of her subordinates will say that to her face, she might have doomed them all by her inattention.

Her only consolation was the fact that this was an all-or-nothing scenario: either they survive despite her blunder – or there will be no one left to blame her. It was not much of a comfort, of course, but it had to do.

***

Kyoko was watching the fireball come down. The ground was breaking under her feet as she ran towards it, the cars were being flung aside, the buildings broke from the sheer force of her movement.

Asuka’s face was grim and determined, her will focused on one thing: getting there. She refused to acknowledge the fact that there was no way she would be there in time to catch it.

***

“Distance… zero?”

The entire remaining NERV staff realised they were holding their breaths. By all conceivable metrics, including MAGI opinion, they should currently be in the middle of the process of being vaporised by high-velocity, AT Field assisted impact of an Angel.

But for some reason, it was not happening.

***

The Angel-turned-fireball was hanging scant metres from the ground, just above a hill, held up by an increasingly visible barrier. Kyoko, her Unit-02 still running in that direction, could make out a small – in comparison to the flaming Angel, of course – figure below.

Shinji’s voice came over the comms, his face clearly in pain; his words were punctuated by gasps. “I… will… not… let… you… kill…”

Asuka pushed further, straining Unit-02 muscles beyond their safety limits; Kyoko winced as she felt some muscle fibres snap. _‘Well, better to limp later than to die in fire…’_ , she mused as they approached the silhouette of Unit-01; it looked like the mythical Atlas, holding the sky all by himself.

“Don’t you dare die there, idiot!” Asuka yelled angrily. For a moment, Kyoko thought she felt a very different set of emotions, a great degree of care; she had no time to dwell on them, though. They reached the Unit-01 that was quite literally holding the fiery sky in its hands.

“I’m holding up quite fine, Soryu, thanks for asking”, a half-amused, half-strained voice of Yui Ikari came on channel 8. “But I wouldn’t mind a hand here. Or two.”

“Sorry”, Kyoko replied sheepishly. “You **did** have a little bit of a head-start…”

Unit-02, following Asuka’s order, threw her hands up and extended her own AT Field. The strain on Unit-01 lessened visibly, but this only levelled the playing field; the Angel continues to press on, its unrelenting eyes staring unblinkingly on those who dared deny it its prize. Kyoko felt the weight pressing against her hands the moment the fields joined.

***

“Unit-01 and Unit-02 on the impact site. Unit-00 approaching”, a tense voice of Maya Ibuki reported.

“Do we have any visual?” Misato inquired, her voice equally tense.

“None, any sensor that was out was fried few seconds after the AT Fields collided”, Maya replied.

“Hold on there, kids… it’s all in your hands”, Misato whispered.

***

“Wondergirl, would you please hurry a teeny bit up? It’s getting a little bit heavy”, Asuka stated, somewhat panicked tone contrasting the flippant wording.

“Incoming. Field at maximum on arrival” came the dissonantly serene voice of Rei Ayanami. The twenty seconds it took Unit-00 to join the fight felt like an eternity to Kyoko.

***

Kyoko felt the pressure lift once Unit-00 joined the effort. Then, channel 8 crackled and voice of Yui Ikari came in. “Brace yourself-“ was the only thing that managed to get through before the sky started to fall on her again: Unit-01 let go and started to tear into the AT Field of the Angel.

Seconds later, her own hands let go as well and grasped the knife, going for the opening. The unblinking eye of the alien abomination cracked and bled unholy ichor; the AT Field it generated suddenly disappeared.

“All to me, keep the AT Fields close!” shouted Shinji over the comms a second later. Kyoko felt her body – or, actually, Asuka – obeying instinctively. She pulled Unit-00 with her and hugged Unit-01 tightly.

Darkness and pressure surrounded them for a moment, followed by a blinding blast and wave of heat, perceptible despite the AT Fields.

***

“I believe we have survived” a dispassionate voice commented. Evangelion systems permitted audio signals only in the reserve power mode.

“Yes, I think so… it still hurts” groaned a boy’s voice.

“Hey, be glad, idiot, that means you get another chance”, grumbled Asuka. “But, in the meantime, **could you get off me?** ”

Kyoko chuckled. The voice was angry, but there was an unmistakably positive feeling towards the boy. _‘What happened, daughter? What did you do… or what has he done? You can tell me now…’_

That thought seemingly seeped into Asuka’s consciousness, stopping the banter in its tracks. It has also evoked several images that drifted towards Kyoko’s mind, images from Asuka’s perspective: Shinji on a street, Shinji bringing a tray of food – clearly for two, Shinji in some queue that seemed to be in a… cinema?

_‘Oh. Was that a…’_

Then other images followed, along with emotions: Shinji looking surprised, then dejected; the image was tainted with anger. Back of Shinji’s head, with some mumbled apology. A blurry image of him with his head dropped; anger accompanied this one, too. A scene from darkening street, without anyone in sight; this carried sadness. A table with a familiar face of an older woman Kyoko recognised as their commander; this was tainted with… guilt? A dark room; this one was accompanied by a mixture of confusion, anger, guilt, and sadness.

The banter over the comms started again, this time Asuka was far more unpleasant. _‘Oh. So, not a fun one, or at least one ended badly. Well, they’re just teenagers with no experience in relationships… if you can call it a relationship at this stage.’_

Kyoko did the only thing she could think of to stop the situation from getting worse: she reached out and embraced her daughter. The vitriolic comment, apparently commenting on Shinji’s lack of masculinity was cut short, replaced by a silent thought from Asuka: _‘Mama?’_

Kyoko dared not to speak out loud, not knowing how that would be rendered under the circumstances. But she could direct her thoughts, knowing that at least the emotions behind them will get to her daughter.

_‘Shh… it’ll be fine, my little Asuka… one bad date is not the end, dear. You’ll both come around. It will be all right.”_

Asuka cut the comms seconds before bursting into tears.

Kyoko just held her, whispering reassurances and advice. _‘I should’ve been there for you, I’m sorry… I am here now, listen to me, dear. Perhaps it will give you **some** happiness…’_

She kept whispering to Asuka for a long time.

***

Kyoko was not sure when exactly had she lost consciousness. _‘The reserve power had to run out before they mounted a recovery mission… good that I had things on my mind, the thirst becomes hard to bear sometimes’_ , she mused once she awoke in the midst of darkness. She looked around, but nothing was coming out of the black; the other tenant of Unit-02 was absent.

She pondered for a moment, then she smiled to herself; ‘ _At least Asuka has something like a normal life. I hope they come to terms… the boy seems awfully shy. She may just smother him by accident.’_

She sighed. _‘I really wish I could be there for her… more than just whispering words to her, pretending it’s not really me…_ ’ she smiled sadly to herself. _‘Well, Ikari claims it’ll possible someday, and she seems confident about that. Speaking of which…’_

She directed her thoughts towards Yui and Unit-01, as once instructed. The wind ruffled her hair and a distinct feeling of acceleration appeared. She took a step-

***

-and walked out from between the trees.

Yui Ikari rose slowly from her seat at the garden table. She was holding a fireplace poker in her hand.

“Friend or foe, Soryu?” she asked, her eyes wary.

“Friend, Ikari. Don’t worry, your windows are safe – and your good looks shall remain untarnished by me”, Kyoko replied with a smile, approaching the table slowly. “Permission to enter your domain, Lady Ikari?”

Yui raised her eyebrows, then let go of the poker and smiled. “Permission granted, my esteemed guest. You came right in time for the tea. Will you honour me with your presence?”

“With pleasure” Kyoko replied and curtsied the best she could, which, she had to admit, was not very good. Yui did not comment on that, though; she merely smiled a small but warm smile.

All seemed right with the world. At least for the moment.

***

The mood in the command centre of NERV HQ was a strange mix of relief, focus on post-combat data collection, and worry about the consequences. The last part came from the fact that a brief report was filed to the Commander and the Vice-Commander immediately after the battle – and a return message was expected soon.

And indeed, minutes after the message was sent, an _INCOMING MESSAGE_ indicator blinked.

“Major Katsuragi reporting”, Misato spoke up upon opening the channel. “I’m sorry, sir. My misjudgement caused Evangelions to suffer damage. The responsibility is entirely mine.”

“The investigation will show who is to blame, Major”, a digitally cleaned voice of Gendo Ikari sounded in the room after a few seconds. “From what I see here: your plan was sound, it worked reasonably well, and the Evas fulfilled their purpose.” There was a brief pause. “Damage to Units and the collateral damage is something to be expected under the circumstances, and from what I see, we were fortunate that it was minimal. Good work, Major.”

“Thank you, sir”, Katsuragi reflexively stood at attention.

“One more thing”, came after another pause. “Is the pilot of Unit-01 there?”

“Yes, sir!”, Shinji reported, his voice surprised.

“I understand from the preliminary report that you took field command and ensured the success of the operation. Excellent work, Shinji.” Even though all the filters the sound had to go through, the pride in Gendo’s voice could be heard.

Shinji Ikari blinked for several moments before managing a reply: “Yes, sir. Thank you, sir.”

“Now, Major Katsuragi, I expect a report from every staff member, independently, delivered to me by tomorrow morning, each of the reports digitally signed. See to that **personally**. The rest is in your hands until I return.”

Misato Katsuragi blinked in surprise. Still, she knew better than ask questions. “Yes, sir.”

***

Soft, warm wind and the afternoon sun made the atmosphere at the table relaxed and pleasant. Kyoko Soryu and Yui Ikari were enjoying a moment of peace – and a spot of tea.

“An apple pie, Ikari? You’re spoiling me”, Kyoko smiled widely, eagerly digging into the cake in front of her with a silver fork.

“We deserve a treat, Soryu. Another Angel is dead, our children are fine – better than I dared hope for, considering the circumstances. And…” she hesitated and took a deep breath. Kyoko looked at her quizzically. “And you conquered your fears. It’s a reason to celebrate.”

Kyoko sighed. “I don’t think… she… is done with me, yet”, she replied glumly.

Yui reached to touch Kyoko’s hand; Kyoko realised how much she missed that gesture, then shoved this thought aside. There were more important things to dwell on.

“Soryu… of course we are not. But now we have a moment to handle it. Angels don’t come too soon after each other… which means we have at least a few days.”

“A few days to do what?” Kyoko inquired. “You mentioned a plan, I know, but… well, we got interrupted.”

Yui took a deep breath. “There is something... something that can help you”, she offered with initial hesitation. “Something I was taught by the teacher I mentioned, a… set of guidelines… a ritual of sorts.”

“Ritual? Like ‘light the candles and chant in a circle’?” Kyoko raised her eyebrows, her voice filled with doubt.

“Not… exactly”, Yui winced. “It’s a little bit more complicated. It's a... legend. A story. It’s hard to label, exactly. Such things are somewhere between a myth and a technical manual, often surprisingly close to the latter.” She took a deep breath and turned to face Kyoko, her expression serious. “Do you trust me?” she asked in a solemn voice.

“Well...” Kyoko hesitated. “Is that even a question now?” she asked with a small smile.

Yui sighed. “It may be, I am afraid. This is not some ‘will you hold the sky for me while I stab an Angel to death’ issue; this **is** about life-and-death on a far more personal level.”

Kyoko took her hand; their eyes locked. “I do trust you, Ikari” she stated solemnly.

Yui took a deep breath, trying to still herself. There was no rational reason for her heart to race like that, right?

She rose from her chair. “Then come with me”, she spoke up after she forcing her voice to sound calm. “Come, and listen to a story about a journey…”

***

Two women were sitting in the mansion’s study, surrounded by books, maps, parchments, and various artefacts. A faint smell of dust and old paper permeated the air. It was already dark outside; the room was lit by several lamps and a fireplace, giving it a warm and homely atmosphere.

“This is… not an easy thing to process, Ikari”, Kyoko stared at Yui who had just finished the tale. “What you suggest **does** sound a lot like some journey to the centre of the mind, mixed with mysticism and sprinkled with a lot of ‘a wise man once thought that…’ You know well how many ancient scholars were wrong about things regarding the material world, right? We can reasonably assume they weren’t any better with the immaterial” Kyoko expressed her doubts that until now was only visible in her facial expression. “I really don’t know what to think of it”, she finished with a sigh.

Yui shook her head, her face still solemn and focused. “I am afraid you might be right… but I am also convinced this is your – this is our – only chance. We can’t exactly get a qualified psychotherapist to help us here, can we?” she smiled sadly. “And I think even the best psychotherapist would be baffled by our nature. No, Soryu. Your condition is a product of an error in applied metaphysical biology. It is, I believe, best solved with the use of the same sources that gave birth to the field. Just as you need a mechanical tool to fix a mechanical issue – or an antibiotic to kill a bacterial infection, instead of chanting spells over the ill person.” She stated firmly and paused. “I am not promising this is the solution, I know there is a lot of uncertainty and risks involved. But I am convinced this is the best way. Or perhaps the only one we can develop in a reasonable timeframe”, she added in a softer voice.

A moment of silence hung between them. Kyoko seemed lost in thought, gazing into the fire.

“It’s late, Soryu”, Yui spoke up again after allowing her guest to ponder for a long while. “Sleep on it, and you will make your decision in the morning. How does it sound?”

Kyoko nodded. “Reasonable”, she smiled and rose slowly. “Goodnight, Ikari. And… thank you.”

“We’re not successful yet, Soryu. Not much to thank me for”, Yui replied with sadness tainting her voice.

“But we haven’t failed yet, either. And you **are** helping me.” Kyoko paused. “See you in the morning”, she smiled with a thoughtful expression still present.

Yui watched her departure with a worry in her eyes, worry she could not let her guest see. She sighed heavily. She knew this was not going to be an easy night.

***

Kyoko was resting on the guest room’s bed, staring on the now-familiar ceiling. This night has been the longest – both subjectively and objectively, if the clock in the corner of the room was to be trusted – she ever experienced while being a guest in the mindscape of Yui Ikari. The moon was slowly moving across the night sky, the light pattern on the floor was shifting slowly. Thoughts were flowing freely in Kyoko’s mind.

_‘A fine dilemma it is: risk my life on a memory of some ancient, occult tale… or keep letting a nightmarish version of me try to kill me every time I step back into what is effectively my body? Or maybe take a third option, stay in this out-of-body experience forever and visit my body only to fight?’_

She sighed; her thoughts began to circle. _‘No, I can’t stay here, not as a permanent solution, Ikari would consider me a coward if I did so… and she would be right. So, only choices I have is to confront the banshee or keep evading it… and I made a sort of a promise to that… thing, whether I like it or not. I guess it… she… would not be happy if I left it in the cold. If “happy” is a term that can be applied to such a creature…’_

She rose from her bed and approached the window. The sky was clear, the moon was full, and the Milky Way was on the sky. _‘Of course, that was the age when artificial light was too weak to drown the stars…’_ Kyoko smiled to herself. _‘Another example on how much attention Ikari pays to the details of her work…’_

She opened the window and took a deep breath of the cold air outside. “How did I end up like this?” she asked the darkness. “I was a scientist, someone whose work was supposed to save humanity, not someone to use mystical lore to… do what, exactly?”

She expected no answer, and none came. She was about to turn away when she noticed a movement in one of the windows – a female figure, well-visible in the moonlight, was standing there, framed by the light coming from behind her. It was too far to recognise with certainty, but it was obviously only one possibility for whom it might be.

“Can’t sleep either, Ikari?” Kyoko whispered with a smile on her face. “I wonder why you’re so worried about me… we hardly knew each other while-”

She sighed and her eyes dropped to the moon-washed ground.

_‘While we were alive.’_

Her mind drifted back to the moments when she almost died again in hands of the strange presence, moments where she had to fight it back before being able to fight the Angel. _‘And then there was a moment when I almost did not return… and only Ikari’s voice pulled me back.’_

She stared at the moon again, still seeing the sleepless figure in the window. She shook her head. _‘I mustn’t run away. How did it go? “I shall face my fear, and I shall let it pass through me. And once it does, only I shall remain”? Something like that. I like the idea.’_

With a relaxed smile slowly appearing on her face, she closed the window and returned to her bed. The night was still long and lonely, but she was no longer filled with doubts.

***

A breakfast was already waiting for her; a solemn Yui came from the kitchen just after Kyoko entered the room. “Good morning, Ikari”, Kyoko smiled.

“Good morning, Soryu”, came a reply in a voice tinged with worry. “Please, join me. Did you sleep well?”

Kyoko raised her eyebrows. “Did you really expect me to sleep well after that revelation?” she asked, still wearing the half-smile. “I stayed up most of the night… and so did you.”

Yui blushed lightly. “Why do you think so?”

Kyoko smile grew. “Well, I was looking out the window of my room… and let’s say you look good in that gown.”

Yui’s blush deepened and she looked at her guest as if she wanted to scold her, but silently decided not to. Kyoko smile remained as she continued. “Second… the night was long. All the previous ones were cut short at some point, they went on and then dawn arrived, as if a scene in a movie changed. This one went all the way to the dawn. You really didn’t sleep at all, did you?”

Yui nodded and closed her eyes for a second. “I did not. I could not.”

Kyoko sighed, her face turning serious again. “I’m sorry. But… thank you.”

Yui tilted her head, her eyes confused. “For what?”

“For letting me know you worry about me. And… well, for giving me a place to return to”, Kyoko smiled once more.

“Always, Soryu. You’re always welcome here” was the soft reply.

It was Kyoko’s time to blush. “Thank you”, she whispered.

They ate their breakfast in silence.

***

“Are you sure about that, Soryu?” Yui inquired as they stood between the trees.

“Having doubts now, Ikari?” Kyoko smiled weakly. “I trust you, and I trust your memory. I only fear that if this fails, you’ll be left alone with the struggle.”

Yui winced. “I don’t want you to die”, she whispered.

Kyoko reached for Yui’s hand and held it in a tight grasp.

“I will do my best not to”, her smile remained weak, but her voice did betray determination.

***

Yui tracked Kyoko’s steps on the path until she vanished in the thin air, her transition to Unit-02 complete. The last hand squeeze they shared lingered, burning her skin.

_‘This is it, isn't it?’_ Yui sighed, her heart heavy with unease. ‘ _I do hope she returns whole and sound, not torn and insane. Well... I do hope she returns at all.’_ Yui’s doubts, forcefully kept under tight lit to avoid dampening Kyoko's spirit, suddenly returned in force. _‘Perhaps trusting me was the worst choice she has ever made. I might have just doomed her soul.’_ She clenched her teeth and took a deep breath.

She returned to the study, dragging her steps. The place suddenly felt far too empty; she took another look at the large, ink-and-illumination-on-parchment, leather-bound tome on the pulpit. It was, of course, only a representation of her memory and the knowledge she held, but it helped her to focus and to recall the lore she once learned.

_‘Let's hope the old creep didn't make any mistakes and took no artistic licence when he was retelling the stories about the Other Realm... and I hope my memory serves me well, too.’_

Two large, beautifully illuminated drawings filled the opposite pages, circles interconnected with paths, all described in perfectly calligraphed Hebrew letters. Yui looked at the one on the left and recalled her teacher's words: “First, the seeker, once he gained the entry, must face the many whispers that reflect the shells above the Queen of the Night...”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> **Spin-off note:** if you are reading spin-offs along with the series, this is a good moment to read _What happened, daughter?_ , as it chronologically begins during this chapter.


End file.
